Chapter 85 Chapter 84 “Bargain” (Double Update)
Time passed second by second, the sun rose to the sky, casting a hazy light through the clouds without warmth.
The ogre messenger did not arrive.
Jima guessed what was happening; her unease vanished completely. She boiled a pot of tea, poured a cup for the butcher Gaocruik, and served herself one as well. Slowly, she sipped her boiling tea while chewing on beef jerky.
The two-mouthed ogre leader, who was hosting the “auction,” became somewhat anxious. He sent a subordinate to Jima’s tent to tell her to wait a bit longer, that the messenger would arrive soon, and that everyone would be able to discuss the price properly then.
“Tell him I can wait until evening at most,” Jima replied calmly. “Otherwise, I will take my leave.”
The sun slowly descended from the center of the sky.
The two-mouthed ogre leader could no longer sit still and ran outside the camp to look into the distance for any sign of the ogre messenger.
Meanwhile, Jima woke up lazily after taking a nap and summoned Lianxi the cat to attend to her. She lay on the lounge bed, enjoying Lianxi’s massage while holding a tea leaf and stirring a copper basin filled with water, where images of ogres began to emerge.
Jima muttered curses: “I curse you to be weak all over…”
“I curse you to break your knees…”
“I curse you to sprain your ankles…”
They were all non-lethal curses, as fatal curses do not work easily on ogres. At least for Jima, who was destined to remain at the platinum stage for life, she could only do so much.
After casting a few curses, Jima’s mind grew heated. She rubbed her temples and threw a piece of ice into the copper basin to divine the fate of the ogre messenger.
The water surface revealed an image of the messenger’s head flying away.
At that moment, footsteps approached the tent. Jima quickly stirred the water surface with a branch, disrupting the images.
When the tent flap opened, it was the butcher Gaocruik, who bellowed:
“I really want to slaughter that group of ogres; they actually kept a living person as a food reserve—who is she?”
The red-haired Lianxi in a black-and-white maid outfit was pressing down on Jima’s back.
“She’s my maid.” Jima asked, “Did you distribute the meat I gave you to the ogres?”
“I did.” At this, Gaocruik’s anger flared again: “They treat a living person as reserve food.”
“How many?”
“One person, blonde, thin, looks like an imperial citizen.”
“Are they planning to eat her?”
“No.”
Jima felt relieved. Whether it was dragons or ogres, there was an unspoken rule: when visiting, if the guests were humanoid, they would not eat humanoid food in front of them. If they did, it would mean they were prepared to sever ties.
“Come, have some tea.”
Gaocruik seemed distracted, lifting the tea bowl and gulping down the hot tea. He asked, “Are you sure? Should we catch them off guard?”
“Don’t be hasty,” Jima said slowly. “The ogres haven’t launched their attack yet; they are still waiting for the ogres to arrive.”
Then, she calmly murmured to herself, “Spread the word that the ogre messenger was eaten by the trolls.”
The sun, hidden behind the clouds, gradually descended below the mountains, and the light dimmed.
Finally, the two-mouthed ogre leader could not sit still any longer and called Jima to discuss.
The tall tent was stitched from grayish-white animal skins. As soon as Jima stepped into the tent, the ogre leader behind the firepit stretched out four fingers and spoke first:
“Forty thousand without bargaining; the trolls are too stingy, it has upset my messenger.”
Jima did not respond immediately. She walked in front of the two-mouthed ogres, with Lianxi following her with a chair. After she sat down leisurely, crossing her legs with her black-and-white shiny fabric legs, she asked:
“Where’s the blood print?”
“Right here.”
The trusted subordinate beside the two-mouthed ogre took out a piece of animal skin, which bore a palm print in blood.
Jima blinked and conducted a quick divination. A line of text emerged on the animal skin: “A stomach’s blood palm print.”
Without a doubt, it was fake.
Jima looked deeply at the subordinate and asked, “Is your name Stomach?”
The subordinate looked down at her, nodding vigorously: “Yeah!”
“This is not an ogre’s handprint.”
The subordinate opened his mouth to argue, but Jima directly interrupted: “You still have blood from the print under your nails.”
The subordinate was startled, looking down at his hands, and then received a loud slap on the back of his head from the two-mouthed ogre leader, shouting, “Idiot!”
The latter covered the back of his head and retreated, embarrassed.
Even though the scam had been exposed right there, the two-mouthed ogre leader did not feel embarrassed. He stood up, towering over Jima and the other two, speaking in unison:
“Whether he comes back or not, we can go and fight for the trolls right now; it’s just that the price hasn’t been settled. Just say the word: will you hire us or not? If not…”
The mouth on his belly made a chewing sound.
Lianxi’s cat ears flopped back in fright. Butcher Gaocruik glared at him, holding his rune battle axe.
Jima questioned: “Why would the trolls hire you?”
“Because if they hire us, you all will die.”
“I can tell you two secrets,” Jima said. “We defend the valley; you should know that we can withstand an assault from two hundred and fifty trolls in one wave, right? On one hand, we have many strong fighters, and on the other, the trolls are dumb; they only attack from one direction. If they attacked from two sides, we would have lost already.”
“I just want to know if you’ll hire us or not?”
“The second secret is that your messenger, while drinking and getting excited during a conversation with the trolls, pointed this out, and the troll king was very grateful for his wisdom; then, he bashed his head.”
“You’re lying! How do you know?”
“Divination,” said Jima. “It wasn’t because I’m perceptive that I saw through your blood print scam, but because I divined it. If you don’t believe me, just look at your subordinate’s nails—are there any bloodstains?”
At this moment, the subordinate raised his hands, pitifully saying, “I specifically picked out all the blood stains from under my nails.”
The two-mouthed ogre leader was taken aback and looked at Jima with a changed expression.
Jima reclined, spreading her hands, saying, “Where are the employers now? I’m the only employer. Once the trolls know the correct battle strategy, they wouldn’t hire you!”
The two-mouthed ogre leader gritted his teeth and extended three fingers: “Thirty thousand.”
Jima rolled her eyes: “You’d better take ten empty carts and go around looking for employers and meat.”
“One thousand!”
Jima shook her head: “A thousand gold coins…”
“Don’t go too far, demon!”
“…as well as a pile of meat.”
“How much meat?”
“Until you are full.”
The two-mouthed ogre leader’s eyes brightened: “Then you need to bring out the meat first.”
“No problem.” Jima clapped her hands. “I happen to have plenty of meat.”
In the cold storage of the dream palace, hundreds of pigs were hanging. Jima had purchased them in bulk for two gold coins and five silver coins per pig.
Under the envious and joyful gazes of the ogres, Jima brought out forty frozen pigs from the exit of the dream palace, which could be divided among every two ogres. They were ecstatic, built a high bonfire, set up roasting racks, and placed the pigs on to roast.
Jima even generously contributed spices like cumin, receiving unanimous praise from the meat-loving ogres.
As night fell, the ogre camp was filled with the aroma of meat and laughter. Jima and the two-mouthed ogre leaders engaged in a pleasant conversation, and it seemed that the hiring arrangements were going well.
Lianxi, relaxed, thought her master was truly amazing and praised her a few times, but as the duration ended, she disappeared into thin air.
Some were joyful, while others were resentful.
The cyclops ogre was among the resentful, biting down on a piece of the distributed pork, which painfully reminded him of the humiliation of having lost his teeth. That damn dwarf had actually ambushed him, and the thought of being ridiculed by his companions left him unhappy.
He glared at Jima’s back, feeling that this demon was full of lies, suspecting that perhaps she killed the messenger. He didn’t want to fight for this demon at all, but he couldn’t think of a good way to refuse employment.
After sipping some liquor, the cyclops ogre, feeling the intoxication, had a bright idea pop into his head.
He thought back to during the day when butcher Gaocruik looked at the human food reserves in the camp, gritting his teeth—if only he provoked that dwarf to act, wouldn’t it ruin the relationship?
It is only natural for ogres to eat people; how could he attack himself in public?
Feeling emboldened by the liquor, the cyclops ogre picked up a piece of roasted pork meant for himself and went to find the ogre in charge of the food reserves, exchanging it for the right to eat people.
The poor imperial citizen cowered in a cage, wearing a red cloak, with sunken cheeks from hunger and dark circles under his eyes from the goblins’ teasing, suffering from lack of sleep.
The cyclops ogre opened the cage door, and the imperial citizen lifted his head like a startled rabbit. The cyclops ogre reached out, grabbed his leg, and pulled him out, lifting him up, which scared the imperial citizen into crying out.
But the voice was not loud enough.
The cyclops ogre carried the imperial citizen over to the bonfire next to Jima’s group, sitting down and glancing at butcher Gaocruik, completely unaware of it.
Then he brandished a bloody butcher knife in front of the imperial citizen, making the latter’s face turn pale.
The cyclops ogre chuckled, “I’m going to use this knife to gut you right here and roast you for dinner.”
The imperial citizen stammered, “No… don’t you kill people before you eat them?”
The cyclops ogre grinned widely, laughing loudly to attract Gaocruik’s attention.
“I’ll eat you three times today.”
The imperial citizen trembled all over: “What do you mean by three times?”
The cyclops ogre stood up, holding his legs, and poked his gut with the bloody knife, saying:
“One call for opening you up, one call for pulling out your innards, and at that point, you’ll definitely faint, and then when you’re roasted awake, that’ll be another call.”
The imperial citizen trembled in fright, and the cyclops ogre deliberately turned his face towards Gaocruik, who frowned tightly, gripping his rune battle axe.
Seeing Jima and Gaocruik, the imperial citizen burst into tears, shouting, “Help! Please save me! Beautiful lady, for the sake of Sigma, save me! Dwarf sir! For the sake of the millennial alliance with Sigma’s people, save me!”
Jima turned her head, looking coldly at him while pulling on Gaocruik’s sleeve, saying, “Don’t act rashly.”
Having said that, Jima looked toward the half-drunk two-mouthed ogre leader, saying, “Is this your sincerity?”
“Huh?” the latter finally reacted.
The cyclops ogre, one hand pulling off the imperial citizen’s clothing, revealing his pale belly, made a move to stab, shouting, “Here! The first call!”
“Stop it!” butcher Gaocruik raised both axes and charged like a whirlwind towards the cyclops ogre.
The cyclops ogre rejoiced and dropped the imperial citizen, picking up a long-handled war hammer, facing the charge, bellowing, “Kill—”
Butcher Gaocruik threw the rune battle axe with all his strength, embedding it deep into the cyclops ogre’s knee, cutting off his war cry. The cyclops ogre had not expected that Gaocruik would be so strong; he didn’t know that he had been injured when Gaocruik had smashed his teeth earlier.
Because he had sworn to Jima to measure his strength.
With the rune battle axe stuck in his knee, the cyclops ogre immediately knelt down, gritting his teeth to suppress his cries. Gaocruik reached out, and the runic axe was automatically pulled out from the wound, flying back into his hand.
The cyclops ogre couldn’t take it anymore, letting out a loud, “Ah!”
Butcher Gaocruik charged in, and the cyclops ogre tried to block him, but Gaocruik’s movements were swift, as quick as a phantom. By the time he realized it, Gaocruik had already stepped on his knee, jumped up, and with one axe, chopped through his elbow.
The cyclops ogre let out a second loud cry of “Ah!”
Butcher Gaocruik pushed his foot down on the ogre’s large belly once more, jumping up and driving an axe deep into his thick neck.
The cyclops ogre’s head tilted, letting out a third cry: “Ah!”
“Pah!”
Butcher Gaocruik spat water onto the other eye of the cyclops ogre, kicked his chest, and pulled out the axe, stepping back.
The cyclops ogre’s massive body fell backward into the bonfire with a loud thud, sparks flying. Then, blood spurted from his arteries, sizzling on the charcoal.
The cyclops ogre died so quickly that everyone barely reacted.
Especially the two-mouthed ogre leader; he only heard the cyclops ogre’s provocation and Jima directly reported him:
“Was this your plan? To have your subordinates humiliate me to thwart the hiring? Let me tell you, we don’t have to hire you. Do you see that dwarf? There are twenty more just as strong as him.”
The two-mouthed ogre leader finally realized this, instinctively fearing that the deal would fall through, and said, “I’m sorry, but—”
“Still want to trade?”
“Yes.”
“Then I’ll throw in ten more pigs as an explanation for your subordinates.”
On the bonfire, the crispy pig skin was sizzling and dripping oil, emanating a delicious aroma.
The two-mouthed ogre leader said, “Alright.”
Thus, the cyclops ogre’s actions successfully earned him pork worth twenty-five gold coins.
The two-mouthed ogre leader managed to suppress his subordinates’ dissatisfaction with the pork, and they dragged the cyclops ogre’s corpse outside. Despite holding back from the tempting aroma of meat, they buried him, dividing his weapons and belongings, and the camp resumed its jovial atmosphere.
Jima and the two-mouthed ogre leaders continued their negotiations.
“One thousand gold coins it shall be,” said the ogre leader. “I want fifty percent of the loot, and if the battle goes smoothly, no magic items will be divided.”
“Okay.”
The two-mouthed ogre leader extended his hand for the money.
Jima looked at him curiously: “Didn’t I give you the money already? One thousand gold coins.”
“What?” The two-mouthed ogre was furious and randomly struck a nearby goblin, saying, “That’s all we get for one thousand gold coins? You think we’re goblins? So cheap?”
“I also provided enough pork to fill ten carts…”
“Not nearly enough!”
Jima continued to coax, “…And a chance for a long-term food ticket.”
“Food ticket?”
“There are numerous mercenaries and Kisliv armies at war in the troll kingdom, you know?” Jima said. “We have gained the trust of Empress Catherine, and she gave us her badge. So, you just need to bring a piece of paper, and I’ll stamp it for you. You can take it to the Kisliv army to get hired.
“Then how could you worry about not eating meat?”
The two-mouthed ogres were momentarily stunned by Jima’s persuasion, repeatedly saying yes.
Indeed, Empress Catherine had given the badge to the “Savior Squad,” but it was only meant as a token for assistance from the Kisliv local military and didn’t function as an official seal.
But how could the two-mouthed ogre leaders possibly know that?
All they understood was that civilized beings loved to fuss about seals.
Jima dipped the badge in ink and stamped it on a white piece of paper, handing it to the two-mouthed ogre leader while sweetly pointing south, lying:
“To my knowledge, there’s a Kisliv expeditionary army in that direction. Once you earn this nice reward, head south; you’re sure to encounter them. If not, keep going south.”
The two-mouthed ogre leader carefully folded the “IOU,” both mouths breaking into gleeful smiles: “Good, it’s really lucky to meet you.”
The firelight illuminated Jima’s profile while her other side remained shrouded in darkness, the corners of her mouth tilting up, saying, “I feel the same, very fortunate.”
Since the matter was decided, Jima also had the interest to accompany a group of big-bellied ogres for a meat feast, returning to her tent.
Entering, she found butcher Gaocruik and the imperial citizen eating. Upon seeing Jima, his eyes lit up, immediately stopping his chewing and politely standing up to say:
“Beautiful lady, thank you for saving my life.”
Saying this, he turned to the indifferent butcher Gaocruik and expressed his gratitude again: “Thanks once again, Gaocruik.”
“You’ve thanked me fifty times; stop rambling like a long-eared elf.” Gaocruik picked up a bowl of wine and asked, “Here, do you want a bowl of human light wine?”
“Sorry, I don’t drink alcohol.”
“Boring.”
Jima, feeling similarly bored, asked, “What do you do? What’s your name?”
“Beautiful lady, I’m a poor bard who came to the dangerous north for material.” He said, “My name is Felix.”
Butcher Gaocruik interjected: “Just like a long-eared elf, constantly conjuring up some charming gibberish, calling it poetry.”
“I’m married.”
Felix was taken aback: “Ah?”
“So don’t flatter this demon.” In Jima’s mind, bards were nothing but scoundrels who flirted with girls, as a past boyfriend had run off with a bard: “Just call me by my real name, Jima.”
Felix smiled awkwardly and said he was just used to it.
Then he bent down to write on a piece of paper, while in the entire tent, only butcher Gaocruik was drinking light wine, unable to find anyone to drink with, looking quite troubled.
“I’m done writing,” Felix said, picking up the paper energetically. “The Muses must be favoring me; I’ve never had such good inspiration. This poem ‘Three Calls’ is sure to become popular.”
Butcher Gaocruik leaned over to take a look: “There are actually people interested in that kind of writing.”
“In Adolph, I’m a rising star among bards, as well as a famous bestselling novelist.”
Felix picked up the lute, singing a melodious tune, with lyrics praising butcher Gaocruik’s bravery in battle, claiming he sent a giant as tall as three stories to the heavens with three axes.
Jima didn’t know the song, but she thought it was pretty good. She nodded, fingers interlaced under her chin like a judge of a talent show, and nodded, saying, “Not bad, it’s catchy and has the potential to be a hit. People will surely sing it for thousands of years.”
Butcher Gaocruik’s eyes widened, his drink dampening his beard without him realizing it, asking, “Really?”
Jima was just joking: “Really.”
Felix bowed to Jima, saying, “Thank you for your praise, Jima.”
Butcher Gaocruik’s eyes lit up, tugging at Felix’s clothing: “Can you write a song for me?”
“Of course!” Felix exclaimed. “You are my savior; what kind of song do you want?”
“My butcher’s song,” butcher Gaocruik said seriously. “To praise my glorious death, to be passed down to future generations.”
Felix replied, “Sure.”
He had no idea how serious this was; Jima did. The so-called butcher’s song was similar to a Japanese samurai’s farewell poem from her past life. Jima had written such poems before, with content like ‘Holding this spear, smile at the Chosen, the Chosen eats shit.’
But unlike farewell poems, the butcher’s song was not something written in advance. A bard agreeing to write a butcher’s song meant that he had to follow the butcher around, witnessing his death, and then compose the song based on it.
Given Gaocruik’s might, Jima estimated that Felix might well die of old age beside butcher Gaocruik before he could ever write the butcher’s song.
But someone else’s suffering was someone else’s joy, and Jima didn’t remind him.
Butcher Gaocruik then asked, “Agreed?”
Felix slapped his chest, saying: “Agreed! You’re my savior; it’s just a poem, right?”
Butcher Gaocruik reminded him: “It’s the butcher’s song that records my glorious death.”
Felix kept slapping his chest, “Right, right, I agree!”
Jima could not help but laugh out loud.
Felix asked, “Jima? What are you laughing about?”
Jima replied: “About tomorrow’s victory.”
“Are you hiring ogre mercenaries to fight?” Felix asked. “Whose army are you fighting for?”
Jima briefly explained the situation.
“Poor people,” Felix said. “If you win, I’ll see if I can hire some to return to the Empire. Ever since the two-tailed dragon flew across the sky, everything has gone bad.”
Jima’s expression turned serious as she said, “Yes, apocalyptic doom is gradually approaching.”
The sky darkened, and Jima kicked the dwarf and the human out of her tent, claiming it for herself to sleep alone.
Meanwhile.
The troll king looked up at the stars in the night sky, puzzled: “Why… haven’t they returned yet?”
The trolls had originally planned to attack only after the ogre mercenaries arrived in the afternoon, but the ogre mercenaries had been delayed.
The troll king slapped his head: “No need for mercenaries; we can win with a two-pronged attack!”
He then turned around and ordered the trolls to rest and prepare for battle on the morrow.
