Chapter 46: I Want to Redeem You
“No, I won’t hit you.”
Stroking Lu Zhiyin’s forehead, Zhu gently looked at the blank-eyed girl before her. Any trace of anger from moments ago had vanished, replaced only by pity.
If Zhu herself were suddenly thrown into an unfamiliar place, ostracized by everyone, tormented by a devil, and deceived, she felt she wouldn’t be able tomaintain her kind nature.
“Whatever you’ve done, it’s not your fault.”
Zhu hugged Lu Zhiyin again.
The girl’s fluffy hair brushed against her cheek, tickling her ear.
Lu Zhiyin opened her mouth, perhaps to refute Zhu’s words, but found herself unable to speak.
She didn’t want to push Zhu away. She wanted someone to rely on, and she wanted friends.
Her eyes stung, and Lu Zhiyin remained silent.
“Thank you…”
After a long while, she whispered her thanks again, almost imperceptibly.
Zhu didn’t answer this time.
She released her hold and turned away.
“Don’t go… just stay with me for a little while… please?”
Lu Zhiyin weakly asked, grabbing Zhu’s finger.
“You look terrible. I’ll go find you something to eat.”
Zhu pulled her hand free, flicked Lu Zhiyin’s face with her knuckles, and then left the library.
The school cafeteria had closed after lunchtime, and there were no counters serving food. Considering Lu Zhiyin’s mental state, Zhu felt she couldn’t leave campus to buy food from a supermarket.
After a brief hesitation, she went to the school infirmary and took two glucose drinks.
Having retrieved the items, Zhu returned to the infirmary.
On the top floor of the teaching building where the infirmary was located, Ouyang Qing sat on the eave, quietly watching Zhu’s retreating figure and the library not far away.
Ouyang Qing could sense Lu Zhiyin’s presence and knew she was in the library, as well as her poor physical condition.
Ouyang Qing worried about Lu Zhiyin and wanted to treat her injuries, but she couldn’t set aside her pride.
Therefore, she could only watch as Zhu entered the library.
“So annoying, so annoying, so annoying…”
Her toy hadn’t returned to her bedroom for two days. She hadn’t slept with her toy for two days.
For the first time, Ouyang Qing felt annoyed by her pride as a deity, but she was powerless to change deeply ingrained beliefs overnight.
“I’m back.”
In the library, when Zhu returned, she first looked around, searching for Lu Zhiyin.
Lu Zhiyin’s emotions were unstable, and Zhu was worried she might harm herself. Fortunately, Lu Zhiyin hadn’t gone anywhere and was still curled up on the chair like a small ball of white fur.
“…Are you worried I’ll commit suicide?”
Lu Zhiyin noticed the change in Zhu’s gaze after she entered the library.
She shook her head.
“Don’t worry, I won’t commit suicide again. Death is scary, truly scary. That feeling of losing all senses and floating eternally in an endless void, I never want to experience it again.”
Lu Zhiyin looked down, staring at her toes.
“Good, it’s good you won’t commit suicide.”
Zhu breathed a sigh of relief.
Being afraid of death was a good thing.
If a person was no longer afraid of dying, then there was truly no saving them.
“The school cafeteria is closed; it’ll probably open in the evening. I couldn’t find anything else to eat, so let’s make do with some glucose for now.”
Zhu opened the plastic packaging of the glucose and placed it in Lu Zhiyin’s palm.
Lu Zhiyin did not refuse Zhu’s kindness.
She picked up the glucose, put the opening to her mouth, and sipped it slowly.
Zhu pulled over another chair and sat down in front of Lu Zhiyin.
“Have you thought about what you’re going to do next?”
Zhu asked about Lu Zhiyin’s future plans.
“I don’t know… I can’t go home, and I can’t live the life I want. I can’t find the meaning of my existence. But I don’t dare to die; I’m afraid of death, and besides, the deity won’t let me die. All I can seem to do is destroy myself with the help of others.”
In the library, Lu Zhiyin was able to calm down, which was rare.
The word “destroy myself” reached Zhu’s ears, and her mood became somewhat somber.
The girl before her knew she was self-destructive but had no intention of stopping; the situation was rather dire.
“I want to be myself, I want to live peacefully, but I can’t achieve my goal. Leng Qing Qiu and Long Qinxin, they want the false me who used to exist to please them, and for that, they even threatened me. I don’t want to become hypocritical, but just doing so is already very difficult… very difficult.”
Lu Zhiyin spoke while drinking the sweet glucose syrup.
The glucose was sweet, but Lu Zhiyin’s mouth was filled with bitterness.
Soon, the glucose was finished, and Lu Zhiyin put the packaging in her school uniform pocket.
“Regardless, thank you very much.”
She thanked Zhu an unknown number of times.
“Well, I’ve told you many times that you don’t need to thank me. But you can still call me senior. The fact that you’re willing to talk to me means you don’t dislike me yet, right?”
Zhu decided to start with small things. She wanted Lu Zhiyin to regain her confidence in life; she wanted to redeem Lu Zhiyin, who had fallen into darkness.
If she couldn’t go home, she would live her life well in this world.
Zhu didn’t know who the deity Lu Zhiyin mentioned was, nor did she expect that deity to have a change of heart someday.
She thought that even though they were not from the same world, their current situations were quite similar; they were both struggling to live under an oppressive power, it’s just that Zhu was living slightly better than Lu Zhiyin.
“Can I really call you senior?”
Lu Zhiyin looked up and glanced at Zhu.
No longer hugging herself, Lu Zhiyin straightened her body, placed her hands on her knees, appearing somewhat flustered.
“Of course, my junior.”
Zhu smiled sweetly, tilting her head.
“Um… then, thank you, senior. You are one of the few people who are genuinely kind to me. I like you… um, I mean, like a friend.”
Perhaps worried her words might be misinterpreted, Lu Zhiyin quickly added a clarification.
Zhu waved her hand; she didn’t care what kind of liking Lu Zhiyin meant.
“Live with me for a while. I will help you get out of this mire.”
Standing up, Zhu extended her hand to Lu Zhiyin.
“I will find a way to help you escape the entanglement with Long Qinxin and Leng Qing Qiu. Please believe me, please don’t give up on yourself.”
“…I’ll try my best.”
Looking at Zhu, who was bathed in sunlight and extending a hand to her, Lu Zhiyin longed to grasp it, but she wasn’t sure if she could truly break away from her self-destructive state.
She was afraid of wasting Zhu’s time, but she was even more afraid of Zhu abandoning her.
So, Lu Zhiyin finally took Zhu’s outstretched hand.
