Chapter 20: Deep Blue, Which is Black
On the first day of the Qingming Festival holiday, April 2nd, I woke up at a female classmate’s home.
I didn’t know what time it was when I fell asleep last night; it was probably close to dawn.
When I woke up in the morning, I still felt exhausted, as if I hadn’t slept at all. My eyes were sore, and even after rubbing them hard, they still felt uncomfortable. The scent from my palms as I rubbed my eyes did, however, help me feel a bit more awake.
At least I got some sleep… or rather, how could I even fall asleep…
Looking down at Xueqing, who was still sleeping with her cheek on my stomach, I felt an indescribable emotion. I had ultimately managed to restrain myself. I had fiercely resisted the damned impulse and had not committed any ‘three years to start, maximum death penalty’ kind of crime.
But to say I hadn’t done anything felt like an excuse. In reality, I still couldn’t control my hands.
It was more like, I couldn’t possibly control them.
Unless I cut off my hands, or cut off my Little Juncheng.
Otherwise, even if I were tied up, I felt like I could break free from the ropes.
Xueqing was lying on top of me, and she was only wearing a shirt! The distance between us was practically zero.
For the first time, I felt that holding back was such a painful thing…
Suddenly, I felt a melancholic urge to light a cigarette, perhaps this is what they call “tired of loving and wanting to quit”…
“Haa…”
In conclusion, after a night of wavering between sinful thoughts and moral decay, I survived.
The moment dawn broke, my muddled mind finally became clear, as if proving that evil never triumphs over good, light dispelled the darkness within me.
My phone was dead, so I didn’t know what time it was. The light shining into the room from outside didn’t look like morning light, but more like light from an incandescent bulb. It was impossible to tell the exact time.
However, since today was the start of the holiday, it didn’t matter what time it was.
With that thought, I looked again at Xueqing, who was still sleeping with her eyes closed, breathing steadily…
An overwhelming sense of guilt washed over me…
Uh, wait. If I’m regretting it now, does that mean I’ve finally returned to normal?
It seems that this damned side effect only takes effect at night or in the dark… Will I have to live in the light from now on? I need to avoid being in dark places as much as possible until I resolve the magic circle in my head. I should also sleep with the lights on from now on.
Because after I blew out the candles last night, my entire being changed. Lianbing’s warning was completely forgotten by me. Forget about recalling the past, even maintaining sobriety was difficult. My mind was filled with evil thoughts, and chanting to myself was useless.
Is it because night is the ‘hunting time’ for succubi? That’s why the Charm Magic Circle makes me have all sorts of bad thoughts? Does Lili not know about this effect? Or… does she know but didn’t tell me?
Ah, wait. I can’t be sure that the Charm Magic Circle is causing my evil thoughts yet.
Besides, Lili also said she didn’t know why the Charm Magic Circle got into my head or how to remove it. For now, I can only wait until after the Qingming holiday to discuss it with the Principal.
Right now, it’s a mix of worry and relief.
No excuses will work; I have to take responsibility for my actions! I must not bring shame to the name Grandpa gave me; I have to act in accordance with my name!
After pulling at my facial skin and blinking hard, I finally made up my mind.
I’ll wake Xueqing up now and tell her everything!
Gently shaking her shoulder, I called her name.
“Xueqing?”
“Mmm…”
Xueqing squinted and rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand like a kitten, then looked at me groggily.
Her first sentence was…
“I need to pee…”
“Uh!”
No, this is a normal reaction. Anyone would need to pee after waking up.
“I can’t… hold it.”
“Huh? Wait! Don’t! I’ll carry you to the bathroom right away!”
What am I hesitating about! Xueqing is not Xinran; she won’t make unreasonable demands of me!
Without another word, I picked up Xueqing and tried to rush to the bathroom, but…
I couldn’t get up.
I mean, I suddenly felt a pain in my lower back, so I couldn’t sit up.
It made sense. Although Xueqing isn’t heavy, lying down with this nearly forty-kilogram loli on me all night must have put some strain on my body.
I quickly patted my lower back, and after recovering, I tried to stand up again.
However, Xueqing suddenly said.
“It’s coming out.”
“Wait! Hold on a little longer! I don’t want to mop the floor again!”
Finally getting out of bed, I endured the discomfort in my back and picked up Xueqing to leave.
“No… I can’t hold it… mmm…”
“Urgh urgh urgh!”
If we go to the bathroom now, Xueqing will definitely pee herself on the way! I don’t think she can handle the bumps along the road.
In short, don’t pee on the floor!
What do I do? What do I do? … There’s no other way!
In a moment of desperation, I scanned my surroundings and immediately spotted a mineral water bottle on the table.
“There’s no other way! Let’s use this mineral water bottle for now!”
“Mmm…”
After pouring all the mineral water out, I handed the bottle to Xueqing and turned away, covering my ears.
Even so, I could still hear faint sounds.
This is so awkward… I should have just gone out first.
A moment later, the sound of water stopped. I asked, maintaining my turned posture.
“Are you finished?”
“Mmm…”
Her voice was much softer than usual. Is she feeling embarrassed?
Ah, as expected, hearing the sound still makes one feel ashamed. Ah, for some reason, I feel a little touched… I’ve finally met a normal girl who feels ashamed.
Hmm? Wait, does this mean all the girls around me are shameless?
While thinking about these uselessly deep matters, I turned around and, out of habit, picked her up again.
“Mmm… Juncheng?”
Then I suddenly realized, what the hell am I doing!
“Ahhhh! S-s-sorry! Really sorry! I did it out of habit… Ugh! No! I’m not in the habit! I absolutely don’t have the habit of carrying you!”
Ahhh, am I an idiot! I just confessed!
“Put me down… okay?”
Her face seemed to have turned a little red. She was indeed feeling shy.
Hmm, so cute.
How can she be so cute?
I actually held her all night, it’s truly a gift from heaven…
Will I be punished for this next?
They say misfortune follows fortune; perhaps calamity awaits me after this happiness?
If that’s the case, I might as well enjoy it to the fullest… indulge myself… right?
I put her down and then met her gaze.
I couldn’t look away, staring into her deep blue eyes, feeling like I was being sucked into them.
My mind started to become muddled again.
I roughly placed my hands on Xueqing’s shoulders, leaning my head towards her face.
I want to kiss her…
“Juncheng?”
“Mmm…”
No, I’m a little… not normal…
My vision blurred, the world spun, and my head felt so heavy it might fall to the ground.
I could only clearly see her eyes, those deep blue pupils.
“You’re bleeding.”
“Ah? Ah…”
I had a nosebleed.
Am I really not in good mental state? Is it because I didn’t sleep well last night or what…
Should I go back and talk to Dad about seeing Dr. He from the psychiatry department…
A soft touch on my philtrum, Xueqing leaned in and wiped away my nosebleed with her hand.
I quickly turned my head away and shouted.
“Hey, stop wiping, it’s dirty!”
“It’s alright.”
She doesn’t mind?
As if she could read my mind, she immediately answered my question.
“I don’t mind.”
Why?
Why can she always get so close to me so carelessly?
“Juncheng is special.”
I’m special?
“Me?”
“Mmm.”
A tone of absolute certainty.
Even I have no reason not to believe her.
“Yes, special.”
It was as if she was affirming my existence.
“Irreplaceable.”
It was as if she was confirming my value.
Emphasizing my place in her heart.
It was then I suddenly remembered that Xueqing’s title had turned blue without me realizing it.
Because I had been wearing glasses all along, I hadn’t paid much attention to the color of her title. It was only now that I suddenly noticed that her title had somehow turned blue.
Last night, that hint of blue, I thought it was the feelings she showed towards Kaoru Tsukiyose, because the two of them seemed very familiar.
But it was still blue now.
And it wasn’t just any blue.
It was a deep blue, the same as her pupils.
No… is it really blue? Staring at that blue, I felt that the deep blue was gradually turning black… a color blacker than my own pupils.
I started to become uncertain… My ability to perceive colors became ambiguous.
Humans distinguish colors by light, medium, and emotion, and they can’t clearly differentiate between similar colors…
Similarly, I couldn’t distinguish ambiguous emotions.
Is she really a dismembering murderer?
Why is she so nice to me? Does she like me?
Uncertain, I couldn’t be sure.
There is much uncertainty between us.
Deep blue is black…
Black or deep blue?
God knows…
