Chapter 41: She Gave Me a Safe Haven
“Jun Jun, what flavor do you want? How about lemon and aloe?”
“Huh? Ah, I’m fine with anything.”
Ruansui’s voice pulled me out of my daze. She was asking me what flavor of drink I wanted at a beverage shop. I quickly replied, but I regretted it the moment the words left my mouth.
A perfunctory answer like that would make Ruansui feel unvalued.
“I feel like Jun Jun has been distracted today.”
“Oh, is that so?”
I’ve probably spaced out a bit too much today.
Today is Saturday, and Ruansui and I are out on a date.
It’s not because I didn’t sleep well last night. I’m not a child who can’t sleep because they’re excited about going on a date with their girlfriend the next day.
I was very well-prepared for today’s date. I put in a lot of effort into choosing the route and my outfit, so everything has been going smoothly so far. Except for my own state.
How should I put it? I just can’t focus my attention on what’s in front of me.
Perhaps it’s because I killed someone just yesterday.
However, it wasn’t a direct stabbing or pushing him off a building or anything like that.
Instead, I used a rather special method to make him take his own life.
The guy’s end came as he suffocated from his own laughter, and he ultimately lost his balance and fell to his death. It was ruled a suicide.
Perhaps because of that, I didn’t feel any panic or guilt, similar to how killing someone with a gun might dilute the sense of sin.
Of course, this is also because I was mentally prepared from the start. When I decided to turn the tables, I was already prepared to kill that guy with my own hands.
Even so, a chilling emotion spread through my heart at that time, like coolant extinguishing the fire of my anger and allowing me to shed any extraneous emotions. I killed him without any hesitation. If I could have seen my title at that moment, its color would have definitely been pitch black.
However, because it was my first time killing someone, I wasn’t scared enough to have nightmares.
Finally, regarding what happened yesterday, the organization helped with the aftermath, so no one discovered anything.
However, after dealing with that person, the feeling of unease didn’t disappear; instead, it intensified.
Strange, did I miss something?
Why do I still feel so uneasy?
I’m more than three times as sensitive to my surroundings as usual. So, even though I’m on a date with Ruansui, I’m still too preoccupied to properly enjoy this hard-earned time.
After taking the ice-cold drink from Ruansui, I honestly confessed my current state to her.
We sat together on a bench in the amusement park. I somewhat hesitantly confessed.
“I’m sorry. We promised to have a good date today, and I ended up ruining it for you.”
“Mmhmm, I don’t mind. As long as I can be with you, Jun Jun, I’m happy.”
She gently shook her head and gave me a saintly smile, once again forgiving my shortcomings.
Her smile, which seemed to be a sacrifice, only made me feel more guilty and heart-broken.
“But you were looking forward to this date so much, and in the end, it’s because of me…”
I lowered my head, hunched over, and rested my hands on my thighs, not wanting to see her disappointed expression.
“Hey, look at me, Jun.”
But she wouldn’t let me escape. She placed her hands on my shoulders and gently lifted me up.
However, she uncharacteristically showed a firm attitude, straightening my face and making me look her in the eyes.
I was a little afraid to meet her gaze. However, seeing her loving expression, I puffed up my cheeks and put on a somewhat angry face.
Her face, so familiar that I could dream of it, was not deliberately smiling, which made it seem even more real.
“Jun Jun, I was born because of you.”
“When I first started, I couldn’t distinguish this feeling. Although I had affection, it was the same for people and other things.
I heard about this from Shirley. Because Lianbing’s values differ greatly from ordinary people, she treats everyone and everything equally.
And that’s also why Ruansui was born.
“It was you, Juncheng, who allowed me to distinguish what kind of emotion affection for a person is.
I couldn’t accept this hard-earned emotion, so I appeared.”
She clutched her chest and closed her eyes as if feeling her ‘heart’.
“This ‘love’ was born because of you and will only open to you.”
“Come, Jun Jun, lie down.”
She guided me, and I lay down on the bench, resting my head on her lap.
She deliberately lifted her skirt, allowing my cheek to touch her skin, which felt so soft I thought I could sink into it.
My nose brushed against her lower abdomen, and I inhaled a intoxicating scent of a young girl.
“From the moment I was born, I’ve always been attracted to you.”
“Hehe, you were quite shy when I first saw you. Your face was so red, it was cute.”
“Mmm, although I felt a little shy at first, this feeling has never changed.”
A beautiful blush colored her fair, smooth cheeks. Her gentle smile allowed me to share the joy she found in reminiscing.
“I wanted to talk to you, I wanted to hear you talk, I wanted to share interesting things with you, and I wanted to experience wonderful things together.
Whether it’s today, or tomorrow, or the day after, I want to be with you always. I’m sure everyone in love thinks this way, right?”
I suddenly felt a sense of brilliance. She was so pure, so gently embracing my everything, always thinking of me.
Did I really deserve her? Such a pure goddess, shining brightly like the moon that illuminates the polluted heart.
“Although, at that time, I couldn’t ‘come outside’ and could only watch from the ‘inside’, I was still happy just like that.”
Ruansui gently stroked my hair, and I comfortably closed my eyes.
The uneasy feeling in my heart slowly dissipated. In her embrace, I found healing.
“For example, when you smile at me,
I would feel incredibly happy and laugh with you. When you are sad, I would also
cry for you. Just being with you makes me feel content.”
She paused here, then frowned and said with a bitter smile.
Hehe, I lied. Just that wasn’t enough. I want to touch you more, Jun.
“So, I’m really grateful for the chance to ‘come out’ this time, right? Because thanks to this opportunity, I finally have
a chance to understand something I’ve always wanted to know.”
“What did you find out?”
My voice sounded much smaller. The surrounding noisy sounds had completely disappeared, as if the whole world had become
an absolute domain belonging only to the two of us.
There was a warm feeling.
“Hehehe, what I found out is the ‘taste’.”
“It’s like sucking sweet milk, lightly biting soft marshmallows, and rolling sugar cubes around in your mouth until they become round. The taste in your mouth becomes sweet and cloying.”
If it’s this sweet, I feel like my teeth, and even my heart, would melt.
“Yes, this is a very sweet, very sweet, inwardly shining, soul-stirring emotion, sweeter than any candy. This is called love, isn’t it?”
A warm current flowed through my heart, telling me it was time to open my eyes. And like we were connected heart-to-heart, we opened our eyes almost simultaneously
and smiled at each other. This must be the feeling of a bond, a connection between hearts.
“Hey, Jun, when I’m with you, it’s like finding puzzle pieces and fitting them together perfectly.
I feel myself being filled up, becoming more and more complete, as if I am about to be finished.”
She touched her lips with her index and middle fingers, then pressed those two fingers to my lips and said with a smile.
“This must be my happiness, Jun.
A bond cannot be hurt, and she made it so I could not see anyone else.
“So, please don’t force yourself. I won’t beg you to tell me everything. You must not want me to know, but if you are tired, weary, hurt, sad, or in pain, please throw yourself into my arms. I will caress you.
I will always like you,
love you, and gently envelop you in everything.”
She slowly lowered her head, tucked her hair back, and placed her soft lips on the spot she had just marked.
Then, with her soft spoon (tongue), she transferred the sweet saliva she had been brewing for a long time into my mouth.
This is the best dessert in the world.
At this moment, I felt completely removed from all danger and had arrived at the safest place in the world.
Should I always rely on your embrace?
“Of course. I am Ruansui, who belongs only to you. I will always love you, forever.”
No, that’s not right. I shouldn’t say words of thanks at this moment.
What I should say is:
“I love you too.”
The two of them separated, and this date ended much shorter than expected.
Yeah, I saw the date plan yesterday, and it was supposed to last until dinner. But it’s only around 2 PM now, and the date is already over.
It must be because Lord Juncheng wasn’t in the right state today. He just went through something yesterday, so how could he be in the mood for a date today?
“Hmmph~ Juncheng was super cool back then~ So cool, so cool, so cool~ Absolutely stunning~”
“So, Senior Lanhua, since the date has been cut short, shouldn’t we leave now?”
“Oh, honestly, Kouhai-chan, your stalking skills aren’t good enough yet! Of course, we have to follow Juncheng until he gets home! Ah! Speaking of which, isn’t it just Juncheng alone now? I…
I want to go and get intimate with him too, and feed him my saliva…
Hoo hoo hoo! Why are you holding me back, Kouhai-chan!”
“I don’t think it’s suitable to approach Lord Juncheng today.”
“Hmm? Why?”
“Lord Juncheng’s heart has just been healed. If we go, we’ll only break this warm feeling.”
“Hee hee hee, Kouhai-chan, you don’t actually think that’s heartwarming love, do you?”
“Isn’t it?”
“Mmm, yes, it is indeed. However, the component is too pure.”
“Pure?”
“Yes. Hmm, how to put it… it’s sweet, very sweet, too sweet.”
“Is being sweet bad?”
“Sweetness is good, of course. But only sweetness isn’t good. For example, Kouhai-chan, have you ever eaten saccharin?”
“Of course.”
“Saccharin can be said to be the sweetest thing. So why does no one like to eat it?”
“Because…”
“Exactly. The sweeter it gets, the more cloying it becomes. To the extreme sweetness, sweet becomes bitter. So ‘sweet’ alone isn’t enough.
“Then what else does Senior Lanhua think is needed?”
“Hoo hoo, of course, there’s also ‘spicy’. Hoo hoo. I want to do hot, naughty things with Juncheng every day, have x [censored] [censored] with him, lick him [censored], [censored] [censored] in his arms,
every day…”
“Pervert.”
“And then there’s ‘sour’. Look, like that sister who’s grinding her teeth over there and that sister whose face is almost frozen over, they’re openly showing their jealousy. They’re siblings, yet they think of doing that, because it’s so tempting.”
“The feeling of touch and kiss is indeed comfortable.”
“Right! But look at that kind of love, like motherly love, or doting love… it’s so sweet it’s sickening. It looks pure, but it’s quite arrogant, don’t you think?”
Perhaps.
“But if you were to say it, does it exist in this world? That so-called love that isn’t overly sweet.
“Those ‘they’ behind me might have already obtained it, but I don’t think it exists.”
But ‘I’ don’t know.
“Is that so? Kouhai-chan, you’re still on the journey. But I’ve already found the answer.
“Why?”
“Hoo hoo. Because, love, in its essence, is selfish and possessive.”
