Chapter 16.2: [Ghoul] Memories of the Past
[Ghoul] Memories of the Past:
Run, run, running desperately, with no destination, just wanting to escape, to escape from that place, to escape from him.
I must be crazy… I must really be crazy!
After seeing Juncheng’s expression, I ran straight out of the principal’s office, leaped out of the window in the hallway, and then kept pacing on the rooftop of the building.
Juncheng’s face was filled with fear just now… well, I guess so, after all, I did something like that…
I don’t know how long I ran. It was pitch black all around, and when I couldn’t even see a single building, I finally stopped.
In the dim forest, I found a tree hollow and crawled inside, curling up and hugging my legs to cool my desires.
How… how long has it been…
How long has it been since I felt ‘hunger’… Years? Decades? Centuries? I can’t remember anymore…
It’s true that when you live too long, you forget many things, but some things you can’t forget…
When I gained the ability to remember, I knew I was a little ghoul by the Sanzu River, living with other ghouls.
Ghouls are a type of little ghoul that can only eat corpses. Due to a taboo, they cannot actively hunt other ghouls, and are the lowest and most insignificant among all ghosts. Weak ghouls have no right to food and can only scavenge for corpses…
Fortunately, there are many dead people in the underworld, and before crossing the Sanzu River, they leave behind their ‘skins’. Only their souls travel with the ferryman ghoul.
But it’s still not enough to eat… The lower the rank of a ghoul, the more numerous they are, and the same applies to ghouls. The numerous ghouls are divided into many small groups, and each group can only get a part of the food. The food must be eaten by the leader first, and then we, the followers, can eat the leftovers from the leader…
And even that requires a fierce struggle. To win a fight from a group of ghouls, the victor has the right to enjoy the food.
I… unlike other ghouls, I seem to be a defective product. No matter how hard I try, I can’t compete with other ghouls.
So I can never eat enough…
I was hungry every day. That was probably the hungriest I’ve ever been in my life. As long as it was edible, I was confident I could eat anything.
Then that day came. I happened to meet that person by chance, and I only helped him point the way.
“Oh? You’re quite interesting. Not only do you look human, but you’ve also awakened your spiritual senses… That’s rare. Heh heh, meeting you is fate. I’ll bestow a blessing upon you then.”
He was Juncheng’s previous incarnation. I don’t know his name, but in that lifetime, he was probably going to see King Yama after his death. On the way, he met me by chance.
Perhaps out of interest, or maybe because he felt pity for me… he fed me a辟谷丹 (a pill that can sustain one without food) and taught me some spells.
But at that time, I didn’t know the value of spells. In the end, I only remembered the spell to steal others’ five senses. How foolish!
But it’s no wonder I was so foolish back then. The shock was too great.
… Right. That was the first time since I was born that I experienced the feeling of ‘being full’.
My stomach was filled.
I no longer felt hungry.
I fell into a daze due to this sudden change. At that time, I didn’t even know how to describe the feeling of ‘fullness’. I thought something was wrong with my body and kept tugging at that person’s sleeve.
Thinking about it now makes me so embarrassed…
But that person didn’t dislike me. Instead, he gently stroked my head and said.
“Oh ho, you’re acting spoiled now that you’re full? Your personality suits interacting with people better… Remember what I said. If you see a door in the future, and that door happens to be open, don’t overthink it and walk through it. Leave this place, you’ll gain more…”
More of what? I can’t remember… I… I can forget something so important.
After saying that, that person left.
I didn’t fully understand what that person said to me, but I tried my best to remember it, just hoping to see him again.
After some time passed, I was no longer troubled by hunger. Relying on the spells he taught me, I easily suppressed the other ghouls, became a leader, and even other ghosts around me began to fear me.
I gradually started to feel bored. When my stomach is full and I no longer have to worry about survival, other thoughts arise… There’s a saying: “When one is well-fed and clothed, one thinks of lust.” This applies to both humans and ghouls.
After a long time, perhaps years, perhaps decades, I encountered the ‘door’ he mentioned.
Later, I learned that it was the Ghost Gate. It’s usually tightly closed, but it opens frequently during ghost festivals. I was fortunate enough to arrive at the Ghost Gate on a ghost festival in a certain year. I remembered his words and bravely walked in.
Speaking of which, ghouls who dared to enter the Ghost Gate back then were considered crazy. It was like humans voluntarily going into battle. In their eyes, it was no different from seeking death.
But I still went in, not only because I believed that person, but also because I was too bored. Even if the other side of the door was a more dangerous place, I was willing at that time, because I needed ‘novelty’.
So I passed through the Ghost Gate and came to the mortal world, a world completely opposite to the barren underworld. It can be said that ‘everything can be found here’.
After arriving in the mortal world, I got a name, made friends, and encountered new things every day. ‘Eating’ was no longer the most important thing.
What’s more important than what to eat is the joy of sharing food with whom. I believe this, and even now, this thought has not changed.
That time was truly happy. Just like now, the days spent with everyone are truly happy.
It was only because of ‘that incident’ that I broke the ghoul’s taboo, killed many people, and even devoured part of my own soul to gain strength.
I don’t remember what happened next clearly… I only remember the scene I saw when I came to my senses.
Corpses everywhere, broken and incomplete, even the ground had bite marks. People’s screams, scattered unknown bones, extreme sadness yet still not feeling full.
Eternal hunger, endless devouring, yet the hunger gnawed at the soul…
Just like greed.
SF Light Novel
My hair had turned monstrous at some point. Instead of covering my face while crying, I swallowed my sadness, tears, pain, unwillingness, anger, regret, everything into my stomach.
In the very end…
I even ate my most important friend.
My best friend, who gave me the name [Kaoru Tsukiyose]… I ate him.
And because of that, I gained an immortal body.
After that, I swore never to eat again. And I have kept that promise for hundreds of years.
Afraid of eating my friends again, I stopped making friends and lived alone in the deep mountains, subsisting on wild vegetables and fruits.
But a ghoul is still a ghoul. They need to eat corpses. In almost any situation, the brain can make the body feel ‘hungry’.
This time, I chose ‘hunger’ myself and cut off my food. I would rather starve to death than eat human corpses again.
The gnawing hunger came fiercely, like sharp knives slicing my spirit into pieces. Compared to the time I was conscious, the time I was unconscious became longer.
The memories during this period became extremely vague. I seemed to have returned to being that ignorant little ghoul in the underworld, listlessly following the ghoul group.
Finally, I completely entered an unconscious state, letting instinct control my body.
Perhaps I wanted to become like that myself. Living alone in the deep mountains was too lonely, too solitary…
To forget, and to escape, I completely gave up on myself.
Thinking about it now, the years I’ve spent have been truly haphazard…
What… what am I?
I have no memory of what happened after I became completely unconscious, but I can roughly guess what happened during that time.
The next time I regained consciousness, I saw Nana clutching her shoulder, and the injured organization employees.
“A ghoul that refuses to eat humans… You’re as twisted as I am. I don’t know why you chose this ‘wrong path’, but instinct drives you to eat corpses, even to create them… Your existence is already ‘abnormal’. If you don’t want to hurt innocent people again, then compromise. You don’t need to think of it as ‘eating’, just think of it as ‘work’. I will prepare corpses for you.”
Nana chose a new path for me, and I chose to cooperate with the organization out of guilt.
Later, I met Xue’er, and I met Nana, who is as optimistic as ‘she’ is. And… I met that person’s reincarnation again, An Juncheng.
But I made the same mistake again!
Wanting to eat my friend… Why… why would I suddenly have an appetite for Juncheng at this time?
That’s Juncheng! Not only a dear friend but also a benefactor, yet I shamelessly licked him… And what makes me angrier is that I did it because of my appetite, because I wanted to eat him!
Absolutely impossible! To think of a friend as… food… is preposterous!!!
“Hehehe, how does it feel to be hungry again?”
Who is it!
The voice came from behind me. I instantly turned around and threw a punch.
With a crack, the tree trunk broke, and the large tree fell with a rustling of leaves.
But there was no one behind me.
“…It’s you, Kaoru Tsukiyose.”
That voice was from… no, it was from my ‘back’!
