Chapter 29: Return and Confidence
I clearly understood the meaning behind her words.
But precisely because I understood, I became even more confused.
Was she trying to seduce me?
Why would she say something like that at this point in time?
My mind was a complete mess. I couldn’t understand why she would suddenly say such a thing. She should know what kind of person I am…
What I couldn’t comprehend the most was that she knew, yet she still said it.
Did she think I wouldn’t reject her? Or…
While my thoughts were still in disarray, Zi’ai nudged my jaw with her head and said softly.
“Sorry, did my words confuse you? I didn’t overthink this… Just like when we were playing the game earlier, you said you won based on your body’s feel. I’m the same now. I haven’t thought too much about it, I just felt that this way seems… not bad.”
“Uh, uhh?”
“Anyway, I might never get married. When it comes to attracting people, I’m just as good as you. However, I’m a woman, so this isn’t a good thing for me. It’s completely estranged me from men, pushing me full steam ahead towards women. But I don’t have any special kinks. Just like you wouldn’t like men, I don’t like… I want to have a normal relationship too.”
…It’s not exactly normal.
Dating another version of yourself that is masculine? What kind of “love across the world’s end” is this?
“But if it continues like this, who knows, I might be a virgin until I die! No! I’m already showing tendencies of being a lonely woman. Now that I finally have the chance to interact with a man without any reservations, it’s like a gift from heaven! So why not just… you understand what I mean, right?”
She turned to face me, looking into my eyes. When you speak, you should look at each other’s eyes. This part of us is the same too.
Actually, it’s understandable.
Imagine if I hadn’t been hit by the Yata no Kagami.
My life wouldn’t have deviated from its original path, and I would have continued my mundane existence. Of course, I wouldn’t have interacted with many girls. Would you pass up this chance?
If you pass it up, you might be single for life, you know?
Indeed, thinking about it this way, Zi’ai’s thoughts are within the realm of imagination. But I didn’t expect her to make such a decision so quickly.
“Often, life’s most important decisions are made in mere moments. I don’t dislike you; I even kind of like you. Furthermore, I understand you very well. So, I’m willing to give my virginity to you… Juncheng, you’re a virgin too, right? Let’s… escape this together. Isn’t that good?”
C SF Light Novel
“You don’t need to think of me as a girlfriend, or even worry about responsibility. I am you, Juncheng An. You don’t need to overthink anything. Whatever you do to me will just be ‘self-comfort’.”
“This is just semantics… Even though our ‘roots’ are the same, we’ve still grown into different ‘branches’. We’re already…”
“I told you… I don’t want to think about complicated things anymore. I don’t want to argue with you any further. Right now, I just want to succumb to desire.”
She embraced me directly. Various parts of our bodies touched. I felt incredibly hot. I couldn’t tell if it was because we were in hot water or because of our burning passion.
“Perhaps because it’s ourselves, our bodies will be a great match. And our movements should be in sync. At least we can sense each other’s feelings anytime, right?”
That’s true.
But it’s very… subtle.
“Now, there’s nothing stopping us. Just aim and enter, and it becomes a fait accompli. And since we’re in water, we don’t need lubrication… I’ll ask you one thing first. My first time, you won’t have any resistance, will you?”
No… Zi’ai, you are beautiful.
“Heh heh, hearing that makes me happy. I never dreamed I’d… It’s truly fate, wonderfully mysterious. Besides, isn’t being a virgin not that important for a man? Just think of it as ‘self-pleasure’…”
“You know I can’t think of it that way… How could I possibly treat you like a tool…”
“Heh, true. Then let’s consider it an attack by a perverted girl?”
I couldn’t stop her, nor did I want to. The thought that perhaps this was fine occupied my mind, and it was already unstoppable.
…
However, the moment we made contact.
Ding dong, ding dong!
I faintly heard the doorbell.
I had intended to ignore it and continue, but a barrage of knocking followed, shattering the intimate atmosphere.
Bang bang bang bang! Bang bang bang bang!
It was so forceful that I could clearly hear it even in the bathroom. It sounded like the person was trying to break in. I suspected they might start ramming the door if ignored.
“What a shame. I finally gathered the courage and made a decision. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to do something so shameless again.”
Zi’ai let out a wry smile, hugged me tighter, and then let go.
“I don’t know who’s knocking so forcefully. Go open the door, Juncheng.”
I nodded, got out of the bathtub, and dried myself with a towel.
Zi’ai curled up in the bathtub, showing no signs of wanting to get out… She’s probably reflecting on herself right now, thinking, ‘God, I actually did that. Am I crazy? Really…’
After all, if it were me, I would definitely regret it.
But I couldn’t let her bear this feeling alone. My failure to make a clear choice also had its flaws.
So, after drying myself, I returned to the edge of the bathtub and squatted down. I pinched Zi’ai’s cheek to pull her out of her own world and said,
“As expected, I can’t completely treat you as myself. It was my fault just now. I should have rejected you directly.”
Upon hearing my words, Zi’ai’s face stiffened slightly. She sank half of her head into the water, blew bubbles, and forced a smile, saying,
“Ah… is that so? As expected, being with oneself is a bit…”
I leaned in and kissed her forehead. Looking at her blushing cheeks that made me want to bite them, I spoke my gratitude from the bottom of my heart.
“Thank God you appeared before me…”
What a pity. The atmosphere was so good.
Bang bang bang bang bang!
The rough knocking continued. I left the bathroom, got dressed, closed the bathroom door, and headed towards the entrance, calling out.
Perhaps hearing my voice, the visitor stopped knocking.
I walked over and looked through the digital peephole to see who it was.
It was Lanhua.
Huh? She’s using the front door?
She usually just breaks in through the window.
Zi’ai mentioned that Lanhua seemed to know about her existence. So, coming here at this time of night… it must be because she saw me and Zi’ai bathing together through the camera, and almost… doing it, so she came to disrupt us.
Ah, this is a bit annoying… Even the bathroom has a camera installed…
Lanhua looked very anxious. She grabbed my shoulders and shouted, her forehead covered in sweat, her clothes partially soaked, clearly having run at full speed.
“What is it…”
SF Light Novel
She suddenly blurted that out. It’s definitely about Zi’ai.
I wasn’t sure what Lanhua would do, so I decided to play dumb.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Don’t play dumb! The woman who appeared in your bathroom last night! She’s in the bathroom right now, isn’t she!”
“Since you already know, why are you asking…”
This is troublesome. For now, let’s let her wipe her sweat, or maybe let her and Zi’ai bathe together.
“Come in. Would you like some water?”
“Wait! Juncheng, tell me first! Is she another you from a parallel world!”
“…How did you know…”
“Is it really?!”
She looked surprised, then looked… at an empty space.
What is she looking at?
“Tsk! Juncheng! Hurry to the bathroom! She might be leaving soon!”
Might be leaving soon?
Who? Zi’ai?
My brain hadn’t processed the words when my body reacted.
I sprinted to the bathroom, yanked the door open, stumbled inside, and almost slipped as I pulled open the shower curtain.
“Zi’ai?”
The ripples on the water were still there, but she was nowhere in the bathtub.
I walked over in a daze and reached into the bathtub. There was nothing there, yet I continued to search.
Lanhua, who followed me, said something along the lines of… Why does she know this? No, I can’t think about that now.
Why didn’t she tell me she was leaving?
Buzz… Buzz…
My phone suddenly rang, but it wasn’t in my pocket. It was on top of the washing machine.
Before I bathed, my phone was in my pocket. Now it’s on the washing machine, which means someone must have taken it out. And the only person who could have done that is her!
It’s definitely not a coincidence that it’s ringing now! Did she leave me a message?
I quickly dried my hands and took out my phone.
As expected, it wasn’t a call, but an alarm.
But I never set an alarm for nighttime, which means…
I opened my messages and found Zi’ai’s message in the drafts.
[When you see this message, I may have already returned. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, but since after dinner in the evening…]
No wonder she suddenly made such a bold move, stripping naked and coming into the bathroom to bathe with me, even almost…
It’s because she anticipated her own disappearance?
[This was a wonderful experience. Meeting you, someone similar yet different from me, is truly fortunate.]
[Thank you for helping me realize that I’m someone who can like myself. It’s truly great.]
[At least from now on, I won’t fear others’ kindness or say things like ‘Someone like me’ or ‘Are you sure you want to choose someone like me?’, falling into self-doubt.]
[Be proud, Juncheng An. You are someone you can affirm. Become confident, even self-conceited is fine, because you are so… Don’t feel ashamed or inferior, and don’t think you don’t deserve that woman, Ji Lianbing. Even if Ji Lianbing…]
[An excellent man should naturally have many wives, right? Heh.]
[Speaking of which, if I were to have your child, would we have another ‘us’ born?]
God knows about that stuff.
If possible, I wanted to have sex with you before leaving, just to satisfy my curiosity… Ah, but the chance of a one-shot hit is probably small.
You jerk! So you just wanted to satisfy your own curiosity!
[I have a feeling we’ll meet again. Believe me, this is the ‘woman’s intuition’ you don’t have!]
[Farewell for now, Juncheng An.]
[When I go back, I will pray every day, praying for our next meeting… I am Zi’ai An, your other half.]
This…
I once wondered what kind of feelings would arise when I met another version of myself. Disgust due to extreme similarity? The desire to eliminate the other to prove one’s uniqueness? Or a cooperative relationship?
But when I met her, met Zi’ai, I felt no rejection. I naturally accepted her existence, and now I even want to be close to her. I have no resistance to completely accepting her.
Perhaps the factor that she is a woman also plays a role, but in the end, the reason I can accept her is because I ‘like myself’.
It’s great that I can like myself.
It’s great that I don’t hate myself as much as I thought.
It’s not out of narcissism, but a genuine feeling that being able to accept myself is something to be proud of.
Even if I were to meet my past self one day, I wouldn’t blame him or want to kill him to erase the past. Instead, I could pat his shoulder and say, “You did your best.”
Even if I regretted it, I wouldn’t want to start over.
If a person can’t even like themselves, how can they expect others to like them?
The time I spent with her, although short, gave me such thoughts.
Now I can proudly say, ‘I am someone who will not disappoint myself.’
Through Zi’ai, I regained my confidence.
