“Ernesta, you didn’t say a word in front of Lord Tres, did you?”
“…I apologize. I am grateful for Lord Tres’s concern for me, and for his help earlier, and for my family as well — however, I cannot forgive what Count Brauer did to my Older Brother.”
On their way back from the Royal Mage Corps barracks, Jared noticed that his secretary officer, Ernesta Kaif, had a dark look on her face and called out to her, but her response was one of hesitation.
During their earlier conversation with the Court Mage, Tres Brauer, the other secretary officer, Ari Fel, had actively participated in the discussion. She occasionally made an effort to include Ernesta in the conversation, but only received short replies like “Yes,” “Uh-huh,” and “I see.”
Ari couldn’t help but give a wry smile.
“Ari, I’m sorry for not responding despite your efforts.”
“It’s alright. I know your circumstances, so don’t push yourself. But — allow me to offer just one piece of advice.”
“…Yes.”
“Lord Tres is your Older Brother’s Friend. What Count Brauer did is unforgivable, of course, but isn’t it cruel to be so stubborn with Lord Tres because of it? You’ve known each other for a long time, haven’t you?”
Ernesta stopped in her tracks, her head bowed. Her white hair hid her face, making it impossible to tell her expression.
“I understand. Lord Tres was my brother’s friend, and to me, he was like another Older Brother. That’s precisely why my emotions cry out that I cannot forgive him!”
Even if Tres wasn’t the one who framed Barnabas, her feelings were complicated given that his father was the main culprit.
Perhaps things would have been different if he hadn’t become involved with Ernesta. However, he couldn’t simply ignore her and her family’s plight, and had used his power as a Court Mage to protect them.
The better a person he was, the more Ernesta found herself unable to truly hate him, no matter what she said. It was painful and sad to be caught between gratitude and resentment, harboring such ambiguous feelings.
“If I could, I would feel as I did before. But I can’t — not yet.”
“…I’m sorry. I might have overstepped. But I’m afraid that if this continues, it will be more than just Lord Tres who suffers; it will be you, Ernesta, who falls apart.”
Ari was right. Ernesta’s heart felt crushed. She had lost her Older Brother, had no place in the Royal Mage Corps, and couldn’t bring herself to truly hate Tres. Jared wondered if it was right for him to be involved with her when her emotions were so volatile, especially considering she felt she was implicated in her brother’s death.
“I’m fine. I’m really fine.”
Her words, as if spoken to herself, made not only Jared but also Ari unable to hide their anxiety. However, not knowing what else to say to her, the three of them started walking back in silence.
* * *
Upon returning to her mansion, Ernesta informed her family of her arrival before retreating to her room, where she lay down on her bed. She knew her family worried about their daughter’s precarious position within the Royal Mage Corps, but their concern now felt like a burden. She wished she could clear her mind and think of nothing, but alone in the quiet room, her thoughts inevitably turned to her brother.
To Ernesta, her Older Brother Barnabas had been a good brother and a magician she was proud of. She would never forget how she, and indeed her entire family, had rejoiced as if it were their own achievement when he was selected as a Court Mage Candidate. Even if he hadn’t become a Court Mage, she believed her brother could have joined the Royal Mage Corps and aimed for the top.
However—her brother took an action no one expected. Ashamed and regretful that he couldn’t become a Court Mage, he cursed himself. He didn’t listen to his younger sister’s words of comfort, apologized to his family, and vanished. His whereabouts remained unknown, and although Tres, who had become a Court Mage, searched for him, he was never found.
Barnabas was only reunited with his family after being defeated by Jared. In the end, they couldn’t reunite while he was alive. Only after everything had concluded did she learn that her brother, framed by Count Brauer and unable to become a Court Mage, had become an Avenger. The fact that he had harmed many people, murdered most of the Court Mage Candidates except for one, and even tried to kill his friend Tres, had been a tremendous shock to Ernesta.
Then, she was reunited with her brother, turned to stone, and wept. She regretted her own actions, thinking she should have found him no matter what and brought him back. She should have supported him as a family. Subsequently, she resented Tres Brauer, the son of the man who had everything taken from him by Count Brauer, who had helped degrade her brother, even if he had his reasons; and she resented Adelina Bischof, who had assisted in humiliating her brother. Most of all, she hated Jared, who had killed her brother.
“…But in the end, it was just my self-satisfaction.”
Count Brauer had already been punished. So had those who sided with him. No matter how much Ernesta hated or resented them, the culprits were no longer present. As a result—unable to become an Avenger like her brother, and overwhelmed by her emotions, Ernesta suffered. To make matters worse, her family’s position deteriorated, and she was treated as the sister of a criminal within the Royal Mage Corps.
Ironically, it was Tres Brauer and Adelina Bischof who protected her and her family. They were good people. So heartbreakingly good. She wished they were villains. While being helped, and knowing she couldn’t hate them further, she tried to hate them, albeit with gratitude. But she couldn’t.
She applied to be Jared’s secretary officer because she wanted to know the heights her brother had aimed for, as she had told him. More than that, she hoped she might be able to hate Jared. But, as expected, she couldn’t.
She had the misconception that the fiancé of the notorious Olivier Alway would be a similar person. However, he mourned his brother’s death, accepted it, and then faced her. After their conversation, Ernesta was left with no negative feelings towards Jared, only gratitude for accepting her despite her selfish words.
Ultimately, Ernesta was left with unfinished emotions. The death of her brother was a tragedy. However, there was no one to avenge him against or to blame. Tres and the others were good people, and although not the same as her brother, she understood they were also victims. But her heart couldn’t accept it so easily. Therefore, she continued to hate them for her own sake, feeling apologetic as she did so.
“I can’t take it anymore…”
She had been helped again today. Jared had been genuinely angry for her, despite her heartless words. Tres was truly kind and concerned. Ari, who became her fellow secretary officer, was also incredibly kind, almost to a fault. She was happy. The fact that there were people who cared so much for her made her overwhelmingly happy.
“I’m sorry, Older Brother.”
Ernesta apologized.
“I can no longer resent those kind people—please forgive me.”
Tears streaming down her face, she slowly closed her eyelids. She would sleep now. When she woke up in the morning, she would shower and clear her head. And then—instead of resenting anyone, she would strive to be someone to be proud of, for her brother and for her family. Thus, she made up her mind.
