Winter is cold!
It might be obvious, but I let my guard down because last year was warm.
I’m posting this while thinking about how delicious coffee is.
Jiro Tanaka, 28 years old, single, girlfriend: Suella Hendelberg.
Occupation: Dungeon Tester (Full-time Employee) + Recruiter.
Magic Aptitude 8 (General Class).
Position: Warrior.
Does everyone know the proverb, “Even gods should not be provoked”?
Simply put, if you don’t get involved, nothing will happen.
There’s a similar proverb, “Even a pheasant wouldn’t be shot if it didn’t cry,” but this means to invite disaster through voluntary action.
In either case, it’s a prime example of failure through voluntary action, so you might already see why I’m bringing up these proverbs.
“Meat! Grill more!”
“Whoa, I thought that was only in anime, but I didn’t think a woman eating out of heartbreak actually existed.”
“Min-chan, come here for a sec.”
Sitting in front of the BBQ set, my acquaintance? Friend? who was stuffing meat into her mouth with teary eyes, was Kitamiya Karen, a female colleague whose face I knew.
While a small part of her might be too slender, she has a spirited face that wouldn’t be out of place in an idol group, and she’s trying to channel all her states into her appetite.
Min, who might have tried to interfere, was pulled away by Kaido, instead of Katsu, who was busy grilling meat.
“What should we do?”
“If Suella can’t do it, I guess I can’t either.”
I felt sorry for Suella, who asked me with a troubled expression, but judging from the atmosphere when I first spoke to her, I might just pour oil on the fire if I said anything.
This happened just a while ago.
“Are you alright?”
After emerging from the sea, we couldn’t just leave Karen, who had run off in a great state, without finding out what was wrong. Worrying something was up, and after a quick apology to Kaido and the others, we followed her without saying a word.
And then, in a secluded spot on the beach, a rocky area where there were fewer people, we found her with her face buried in her knees.
I worried that if a man like me spoke to her, I might be suspected of something untoward, so I asked Suella, who was in a management position as a Tester, to speak with her, even though it was hard to ask her to work on her day off.
“Leave me alone.”
“But…”
She was curt.
She was probably trying her best to avoid hurting me as much as possible while her emotions were high.
Knowing that, Suella tried to cheer her up by making eye contact.
“Shut up! What do you people like you want with me! What?! Did you come to laugh at me because he hates me!?”
I wanted to say, “I don’t even know him,” but considering Suella’s position, it was probably better to wait without changing my expression.
She was completely unapproachable.
First warning, no second chances.
Her emotions exploded at that pace.
“That’s not true, we were just worried and came to see if something had happened.”
“It’s none of your business, leave me alone.”
Suella, who responded gently and without provocation, managed to calm her down, but now she had retreated into her shell.
Once in that state, she probably wouldn’t hear anything we said.
Even if she did, it was obvious she would ignore us in her current state.
At this point, I judged it was time to leave.
“Jiro-san.”
“Oh, Katsu, did you come to get me?”
“Yes, I heard Jiro-san suddenly ran off, so my senpai and I were looking for you.”
I didn’t know if the timing was good or bad, but if Katsu had arrived, our involvement was over.
I explained the situation to Katsu, who asked what was happening.
Now then, what do we do next?
As a colleague, it might be a cold response, but we are outsiders, in a third-party position.
Retreating is one option.
Well, it’s obvious that the result will leave a bad aftertaste, so that option is a little hard to take.
It’s an act driven by hypocrisy, a selfish, intrusive act of a busybody, but my desire to help with good intentions is not a lie.
Even I, a grown man, would feel some desire to do something if I saw a woman crying in front of me.
With Suella here, there’s no need to worry about being misunderstood as cheating.
“So, as I was saying, if Suella can’t get through to her, I’m helpless. Do you have any good ideas?”
“Let me see, please wait a moment.”
I asked Katsu, who was younger than me, with no expectations, but his answer was the best I could have hoped for.
I was expecting an answer like “It’s difficult” or “Impossible.”
I casually replied to his unexpected answer, and Katsu ran off.
During that time, I could only watch Suella slowly comforting Karen (whose name Suella knew) who remained silent.
“…What are you doing?”
“Don’t ask me.”
All I could do was watch, but if there was an object floating towards me from a distance, I had to pay attention to it.
It was Memoria, who was floating the BBQ set, parasol, and beach chairs, and it seemed to be on Katsu’s orders. He immediately started grilling meat on the BBQ set that was slowly lowered.
“What’s going on?”
“Don’t ask me, I don’t know the details.”
“Kaido, do you know?”
“No. Katsu just suddenly asked me to help him carry something.”
“Min?”
“Gozaru, I don’t know either.”
This reaction suggests they know something.
I could guess anything I wanted, but Min’s reaction also piqued my interest, so I decided to wait and see.
But then…
“Mothers, or rather, ‘Mama knows best,’ right?”
“That’s helpful.”
“As a woman?”
“Yes, as a woman, I can only empathize now, but that’s only useful if you have a certain level of closeness. It seems to have been counterproductive for Karen.”
Even women don’t always understand the nuances of women.
Katsu seems to have given Suella a new experience.
What Katsu did was simply prepare a meal and invite them to eat together.
But not just by inviting.
Like a fishing lure, like luring a picky cat, he slowly waited, and when she started to get interested, he brought up a topic.
And then he pulled her into this situation all at once.
It was the skill of a mother with a great capacity for understanding.
It was something only Katsu, who had master-level domestic skills despite being a man, could accomplish.
“So, from Katsu’s perspective, it was the same as how he treats Min.”
He seems to have appeased her with a “mother’s intuition,” as if dealing with a sulking child.
“It seems some people aren’t amused by it.”
“Indeed.”
Well, there are some side effects.
From Kaido and Memoria’s point of view, Min was joining Karen, who was eating her heart out, putting plates in front of her.
“Which one do you think it is?”
“From that person’s perspective, it’s definitely a guardian’s gaze.”
“I can’t deny that. I see it the same way.”
“From her perspective, she’s an intruder who suddenly appeared, a candidate for a thief cat. From a woman’s point of view, she must be uneasy.”
“Do you think so? To me, it feels more like children in a preschool competing for their favorite teacher.”
I lean more towards Kaido’s opinion than Memoria’s…
“What do you think, Suella?”
“Karen doesn’t have much interaction with Katsu, so she probably doesn’t have any strong feelings. However,”
“However?”
“She might have feelings that are developing right now. From a woman’s perspective, a man who empathizes and listens is very attractive.”
I thought, “Is that so?” and my hearing, enhanced by my status, delivered their conversation to us at an appropriate volume.
Listening carefully, I took two canned beers from the cooler box under the pretext of observing the situation and offered one to Suella.
A beach chair is usually for one person, but following Suella, who tapped next to me, I sat down beside her.
“Are you listening!?”
“Yes, lately a man named Himusumi has been paying too much attention to the other party member, right?”
“That’s right! I’m his girlfriend! And yet, that guy! Lately, it’s all about Miki!!”
“Is that so? Please, have some more.”
“Thank you… It’s delicious.”
“Thank you. We have plenty more. By the way, this is dragon meat.”
“Eh!? No way!?”
She’s cheered up so much it’s like she was never down before.
I interjected appropriately, refilled her plate when it was empty, and provided topics.
“Is he really the youngest among you all?”
“Sometimes he seems more mature than Kaido, but he’s still a high school student.”
“Honestly, I can’t tell.”
“Please don’t say that while looking at me!?”
“Anyway, summarizing what she’s saying, it sounds like a cheating boyfriend who’s in the process of switching from his strong-willed girlfriend to a gentle party member?”
“Are you ignoring me!?”
“Then calm down a little, Kaido.”
“So, what do you think?”
“I was deliberately avoiding it, but you’re really digging deep, Memoria.”
This curious vampire girl pounced on the topic she had been avoiding. She vented while eating.
Mainly at Katsu, but if Karen’s story is summarized, their relationship became strained after failing a dungeon raid.
At first, their dates decreased, and conversations became awkward.
Conversely, they started spending more time together, just the two of them, with her party member, Miki, or Nanase Miki.
At first, she endured it and tried to mend their relationship, but with her harsh personality, everything she tried backfired.
And then…
“What am I doing with myself…”
It seems this was Karen’s last chance.
She intended to apologize and make up after this facility opened, but what she intended as a private outing turned into a party, and it gradually became a two-on-one situation.
And that was her limit.
It led to the scene Jiro and Suella witnessed.
“Here, a wet towel.”
Katsu offered Karen a wet towel as she was falling into self-loathing and was about to shed some tears.
Katsu’s gentlemanly conduct must have raised Karen’s favorability towards him like a carp swimming upstream.
“Well, I feel like I could leave it to Katsu from here, but if I do, it will be troublesome to appease Min later. So, I think we should join in soon. What do you think?”
Besides, leaving it entirely to a younger person undermines the dignity of adults.
“Sure, but what do we do?”
“That’s the problem, isn’t it?”
Honestly, I thought it would be like a rom-com, a light novel where multiple women compete for one man, but when the box opened, it felt more like a late-night anime or a daytime drama, and I was bewildered, not having thought about what to do.
“In that case, how about this?”
But that’s where the capable Suella provided a solution.
“If it’s this,”
“Sounds fun.”
“Ugh, Masaru~”
“He’s sulking and coming over here.”
Half of the group, not counting me, didn’t really answer, but there was no sign of opposition.
“But we’re short on people.”
Judging by appearances, the number of participants is even.
Although it’s possible to do it with an odd number, I’d prefer not to have a remainder if possible.
“Senpai, it’s us: Jiro, Suella, Min-chan, Memoria, Katsu, and Karen, so seven people.”
“Well, if I leave…” “Everyone’s so mean! If you’re changing locations, you should say so. I’m hungry!! Suella, is there any food left?”
“Ah.”
That problem was also easily resolved.
Keiri, who had disappeared into the water and returned with wet hair, was a timely arrival whose presence we had forgotten due to all the commotion.
She uncorked a canned beer from the cooler box, and her posture looked strangely dignified.
“Hm? What?”
Does anyone call this person “Aneki”?
She’s the same age as Suella, so it’s not wrong, but her appearance makes her look younger.
For now…
“Keiri, please help me.”
“Eh?”
It’s good to have capable people.
“That’s amazing!”
“It’s the facility’s biggest attraction. Furthermore, only Testers and their associates are using it now.”
“So we can enjoy attractions without waiting in line.”
A water fort loomed before us.
It looks exposed, but it’s built with a solid framework.
Each of those supports seems to be equipped with various mechanisms for footing.
The rules are simple: it’s a survival battle in pairs, and the goal is to knock the opponent into the water using water guns with set power levels.
The difficult part is that losing your partner doesn’t disqualify you, so cooperation is crucial.
Safety is established by magic, so even if you fall from the top floor, you won’t be hurt or feel any pain.
“This is where my luck with the lottery will be tested.”
“Hey, stop it. When you say that, you usually end up paired with a man.”
In reality, there are three men and five women: Suella, Keiri-san, Memoria, Min, and Karen. So the probability of forming a male duo is not high.
However, if Kaido, who tends to be a comic relief character, says it, it might actually happen.
I’ll accept that if necessary, but the problem is…
“Why me?”
“…”
Karen, who hasn’t warmed up to anyone except Katsu, and Min, who has lost her usual cheerful demeanor.
Karen came along somewhat when Katsu invited her.
There would be no problem if either of them were paired with Katsu…
“Katsu, can you make a clone?”
“I can’t.”
“Yeah, I thought so.”
Unfortunately, Katsu is only one person.
“It wouldn’t be interesting if the forces were lopsided, so we need to manage that.”
“How do we do that?”
“Let’s divide the three with high stats, like Suella, myself with high specs in this group, and the rest, and draw lots. That should roughly balance the forces.”
“I see.”
Then someone has to endure.
Displeased?
I can’t be paired with Suella either, so endure it.
I pretend not to notice Min’s resentful gaze. I quickly make chopsticks for drawing lots and draw.
The result…
“So that’s how it is.”
“What is it?”
“No, are you good at sports?”
“…I was on the track team.”
“Then I can count on you.”
“Hmph.”
I drew Karen, perfectly.
The other pairs…
“Nice to meet you, boy!!”
“Please treat me well.”
Keiri and Katsu’s pair, which seems like they’d target a young boy and has a slight criminal aura.
The force seems balanced, doesn’t it?
Katsu, who’s in charge of recovery, has shown remarkable growth in his ability to assess situations recently.
He was already good at grasping what could be done now due to managing his household budget.
Since they started challenging dungeons, he’s further improved, inspired by Min’s leadership abilities.
“Ugh, Katsu~”
“Min-san, let’s enjoy ourselves for now.”
The Nanami & Suella pair, like an older sister chiding a wayward younger sister.
We need to be careful of sniping, bombing, and long-range firepower.
The advantage is that unlike other Demon Lord Army members, they have some combat experience, making it easier to gauge timing, but that’s not at this level difference.
Whether they can close the distance or will be allowed to is another question.
“Why are you crying?”
“I’m touched that you broke the flag.”
And Kaido, who I thought would be paired with me, was paired with Memoria.
If you put Memoria, who looks about high school age, next to Kaido, it screams “Out!” in a way, but Memoria, despite her appearance, has the specs.
She’s apparently subdued Testers who’ve committed robber-like acts several times in the past while reading.
As expected of a vampire.
The force is unknown.
“Now then, after explaining at such length, do you understand the reason?”
“I don’t know.”
We, who had become an unlikely pair with not much camaraderie, were searching for water guns that suited us in the preparation room.
From the familiar handgun type to assault gun type, sniper rifle type, gatling, bazooka, even if the contents were just water, it was quite a spectacle.
“In terms of force, we are the most balanced, but we are also the weakest. If things go on like this, we will definitely lose.”
“…”
“You look displeased?”
“Of course, I wouldn’t be happy to be told we’re going to lose.”
“That’s true.”
First, a jab. While measuring the distance, as if probing, I closed the distance of conversation.
If I laugh teasingly, her displeasure will increase, but it’s still okay.
Seeing the corners of her eyes slightly raise, I judged correctly.
“Well, wait. If we’re going to do this, I want to win too. Because victory is more enjoyable.”
“…”
Playing in a bad atmosphere isn’t fun.
I spoke while projecting an atmosphere of wanting to enjoy myself.
The fact that she didn’t ignore me is probably due to her fundamentally earnest personality.
For now, she seems to listen to me. I presented a plan that I had just figured out to win while having the most fun, and gave her a sly grin.
As she listened, her expression gradually changed.
“Can you really do it?”
“Leave it to me.”
“…Fine. Let’s do it then.”
At first, she was half-skeptical, but after hearing my explanation, Karen gave me a similar sly grin.
Ah, Karen is quite a fun person.
Seeing that expression, I was convinced.
I submitted the form requesting the necessary equipment to the counter and stepped onto the transfer array.
There are eight starting locations, and we are randomly teleported.
The first move is to the preparation-only room.
This room alone is quite large.
When everyone is ready, the gate opens, and it’s time to start.
The countdown begins, and the gate opens at zero.
“Alright, let’s go!!”
“Be sure to do it right!!”
At the same time, I sprinted.
The footing isn’t bad, but my body feels heavy, so I move cautiously, but since it’s a game, I’ll be a little acrobatic.
“They’re below! Let’s go all out!”
“W-wait a minute, Kyaaaaaaaa!!”
“Above! What is that!? That’s cheating!!”
“I didn’t expect you to use that.”
I jumped from passage to passage, using my amplified physical abilities by circulating magic.
Of course, I fell due to gravity, but the distance was fine.
“Hey! Shoot everywhere!!”
“You’ll pay for this later!!”
The sound of the drum rotating with a clanking drive echoed.
The aerial assault failed due to Karen’s scream, but it apparently took them by surprise.
Karen, riding on my back, aimed a Gatling gun at Kaido, who was gaping with his jaw practically unhinged.
It was probably made by the Master Craftsmen of the Giants.
It was a bucket large enough for one person on my back, with a Gatling gun attached. You’d want to say, “That’s not something you should use for fun, is it?” But she pulled it out.
The drawback is that it’s a two-person equipment, and I have no means of attack, but I’m in charge of mobility, and I use the shield-like auxiliary arm to move three-dimensionally, grabbing various parts like a monkey.
The two, desperately firing back with assault gun-type water guns, were screaming, but we had superior firepower.
“Ablofakwasefa!?”
“Did they fall?”
No, help them!
Ignoring Memoria, who could have dodged, I concentrated fire on Kaido. Several shots hit us too, and I felt a power that made me wonder if it was a water gun, but I succeeded in eliminating Kaido.
“Face, you’re ruthless.”
“We won, so it’s fine! Besides, this is pretty fun.”
If you douse them that relentlessly, it’s certainly fun.
Karen’s stress relief was at the cost of her face contorting into an expression that would make a photograph worthwhile, but I’ll try not to mind.
“Next, let’s go! Don’t fall!”
“Then at least put on a seatbelt!!”
I decided not to say that it would be less fun if you did – that’s probably the intention of the creator.
It would be funny as a gag, someone falling while fighting.
“I see them!”
“Oh, wow, you’re making a splash.”
The facility itself is large, but it’s still wide enough to find opponents quickly.
I thought I’d run into someone moving up, down, left, and right, but I didn’t expect to run into people shooting at each other.
Suella and Min’s pair, using shotgun and bazooka types respectively, are using them on their backs and maneuvering to avoid Keiri-san getting close while trying to defeat Katsu.
The Keiri and Katsu pair, prioritizing mobility, have chosen high-power handgun types and are attacking in a dual-wielding style.
It must be fun to fire wildly since there’s no need to worry about running out of ammo.
“Dieeeeee!!”
“What is this about, gozaru!?”
Well, we’re the ones who rudely interrupt.
Once again, Karen’s scream for an aerial assault failed, and as expected, they noticed and shot back at us with a bazooka.
“It’s like you to choose a gimmick weapon here! You know what you’re doing, gozaru!!”
“Hahaha! Of course, I do!?”
As I got more and more excited, I increased the intensity of my movements and moved around the space where water was flying.
“Hey! Can’t you be a little more stable?! I’m not hitting anything!”
“Don’t be ridiculous! It’s a three-way battle, I can’t help it!?”
We were already soaked, men and women alike, shooting and being shot at.
Despite the screams, our faces were smiling.
“Suella, prepare yourself!”
“You’re too late, Jiro-san!”
Even though I was about to unleash a torrent of water on Suella, her girlfriend, the difference in physical ability, plus carrying a weight, made her movements slower.
We had superior numbers, but our movements were different from the start.
“Oh? Aren’t you sad to forget about me?”
Moreover, Keiri-san, who moved like a female panther, was also troublesome.
With everyone as an enemy, we were somehow able to maneuver, but…
“!? It got in my nose!!”
“Suella, leave it to me, gozaru!”
“Don’t hesitate, please, Min-san.”
“Unexpected betrayal, bloo!”
“This is fun!”
“You’re going a bit too far, Bu!”
“It hit, gozaru!! Bu!”
“It hit, didn’t it?”
“We did it, Masaru!?”
“Hahahaha, this is fun!!”
Starting with water hitting the face, it turned into a water-spraying festival, regardless of friend or foe.
The fact that we could move in ways impossible in reality, coupled with the water gun, a new experience for Suella and Keiri-san, further raised our excitement levels.
Otherwise, Suella wouldn’t have dodged and aimed the water at Min.
The result…
“Ah, we lost!!”
“What’s with those two!! They’re incredibly strong!!”
We were floating on the water surface, companions in defeat.
The equipment is automatically collected upon contact with the water surface, so Karen and I were empty-handed.
Losing after playing our hearts out was frustrating, but it left us feeling refreshed and somewhat invigorated.
“If you hadn’t been aiming for Min all the time, we might have won.”
“Ugh, it’s fine, she was in an easy position to aim for.”
“It’s also possible she was luring you in.”
Otherwise, Suella wouldn’t have been able to support her so accurately.
In the end, Keiri-san’s water blast directly hit Karen’s face, and as our water spray stopped, Min’s bazooka hit us directly, causing us to lose our balance and fall.
“Your face looks so much better now.”
“Yes, maybe it does.”
“You’re surprisingly honest.”
Despite the outcome, Karen’s face was filled with both regret and enjoyment.
When I pointed it out, I expected her to deny it, but she surprisingly admitted it.
Perhaps after playing with all her might, she felt more at ease. Her voice was calm, unlike the gloomy expression I saw when we first met.
“I’m not ungrateful, you know. I know you’re trying to encourage me out of kindness.”
So, with that, she said thank you in a small voice, not exactly honestly, but it didn’t feel bad.
“Well, I just played like a kid, despite my age.”
“You sound old, but how old are you?”
“Twenty-eight.”
“You’re young.”
“Thanks.”
Time is running out.
I’ll watch Min fall next, thinking about what else I can do to minimize any lingering regrets.
Katsu, it’s great you’re striking a pose, but I can see you from here?
Seeing the water pillar rise, I decided it was fodder for teasing.
Jiro Tanaka, 28 years old, single.
Girlfriend: Suella Hendelberg.
Occupation: Dungeon Tester (Full-time Employee) + Recruiter.
Magic Aptitude 8 (General Class).
Position: Warrior.
Today’s Quote:
Sore muscles tomorrow?
Who cares when you’re having fun like this!!
For now, that concludes the daytime portion.
Next, I’d like to move on to the night portion.
Please continue to support “Let’s Make Dungeons That Heroes Can’t Conquer!!”
