“Haa, was I really that simple a woman?”
The marriage hunting event hadn’t ended without a hitch, but as far as I knew, the troubles that did occur were managed to stay within an acceptable range.
Some of the losers went to a second party for their consolation drinks because they didn’t find a man.
Some of the winners, elated to have found a man, went home.
As for me, who was neither a winner nor a loser emotionally, I decided to visit the bar on the second floor of the event venue to have a drink, since I had no more work for the day and tomorrow was also a holiday.
I usually visit places like this, so I should be used to drinking quietly, but for some reason, my drinking pace felt unusually fast today.
It was a bad situation because I could vaguely sense the reason.
What I had just blurted out of my own mouth was the best evidence.
“Why, of all people, his best friend’s man?”
This wasn’t the kind of thing a woman who had put her all into preparing for today’s marriage hunting party would say.
The words I spat out in a small voice, as if questioning myself, so that no one could hear them, accurately reflected my current feelings.
“…Well, I was looking around to see if there were any good men. I even made a move as a joke before, but…”
As I drank at a fast pace that I could feel the effects of the alcohol, I wondered who I was making excuses to.
“Ah, no. This is embarrassing, like I’m a virgin.”
As I recalled the content of today’s marriage hunting party, I felt so embarrassed by the feelings I had recognized within myself that I ended up burying my face in the counter.
“…I heard about it, but Dark Elves are really a troublesome race, aren’t they?”
I understood these feelings.
Right now, I was in love with a man named Jiro Tanaka.
It might have been sudden, or it might have been for a while.
“The problem is, I can’t imagine any trigger for it at all.”
Since I only just realized it a moment ago, my mind was completely disorganized and I was escaping into alcohol.
The Master had been looking at me with concern for a while now, but unfortunately, I wasn’t so frail that I would get drunk on this amount of alcohol.
I waved my hand to reassure him and ordered the same drink again.
While looking at the neat scene of the bar, a stark contrast to the event venue, I poured the alcohol into my mouth, let it roll around, savored it, and then finished it.
“Why did I fall for him?”
The answer I was seeking never came.
“He’s definitely not a bad guy, though.”
Instead, I found myself thinking about the man named Jiro Tanaka.
When I thought about him, I started to find it a little enjoyable, and I realized with a sense of detachment that I was truly a Dark Elf, and that it was already too late.
“…What am I going to do?”
The first time I recognized the man named Jiro Tanaka was probably when Suella was talking about him so happily.
Given her age, she was a Dungeon Tester whose prime had passed and was only going to age from now on.
She had decent magic power aptitude, but I couldn’t point out that she probably wouldn’t achieve much, seeing my best friend’s happy face.
Both as a colleague and as a man, my evaluation was low.
No, his personality was good, so my evaluation wasn’t that low, was it?
“Alright, this should be normal so far.”
It was quite difficult to face my own uncertain feelings.
However, considering what comes next, I absolutely had to reconcile my feelings.
“Um, after that…”
I pressed the cold glass against my forehead and desperately tried to recall memories, undertaking the ascetic practice of reconfirming my feelings.
At that time, I hadn’t expected much, but once the work began, his performance was remarkable, contrary to my predictions.
Unlike other Dungeon Testers with little work experience, he had the adaptability to thoroughly understand and handle the work.
The growth bonus due to his high magic power aptitude.
His fairness, not looking down on someone just because they were from another world.
Before I knew it, even Evia-sama acknowledged him.
“That’s right, I think I acknowledged him at that time.”
Looking back, it was a very condescending evaluation, but at the time, I was still stronger, and I expected to remain so for a while, which led to my condescending acknowledgement.
“Ugh, if I could go back in time, I’d hit myself on the head right now and tell myself to close the distance a little.”
That was the evaluation I had formed in a short period of time after recognizing him.
“…Up to this point, it’s normal, isn’t it? I just thought my colleague was reliable.”
So, when did I start seeing him as a man rather than just a colleague?
“And then, we hit it off, he was thoughtful enough to bring me snacks, and so on. I remember it was around that time. We started going out for meals and drinks together, even though it was the three of us with Suella.”
He worked seriously, and at opportune moments, he would bring me snacks and drinks, showing concern for me when I was busy, and even creating manuals for the format and methods of writing reports.
“…Looking back, things started getting suspicious around here.”
I wondered if I was already harboring faint feelings for him when Suella and he became a couple.
“No, that can’t be it… right? No, I’m losing confidence.”
The more I thought about it, the more I came up with relevant points.
At that time, I truly and purely teased my best friend about their relationship while also blessing them, and there was no hidden agenda… I think.
Considering my current feelings, it feels like there’s too much circumstantial evidence to say I don’t know when I started seeing him as a man instead of a comrade, but if I pointed that out, I wouldn’t be able to move forward, so I’ll pretend I didn’t see it.
“…Thinking about it, I started working with him more often around then, didn’t I?”
And then, Jiro-kun started increasing the number of women around him, one after another, such as Suella, Memoria-san, Evia-sama, and Himik-san.
And I, who worked with such a harem-lover, found myself with more opportunities to work with him.
“The deciding factor was Suella’s pregnancy. That’s when the relationship between me and Jiro-kun as superior and subordinate definitely began.”
If we had become intimate then, things would have been easier, but I was so busy with work that I had absolutely no romantic feelings.
My impression of Jiro-kun remained that of a competent and excellent man at work.
“No, wait a minute Keiri. Why did I, in the first place, agree to work under Jiro-kun?”
Then, a question suddenly arose.
I thought I had quite strong ambitions for promotion.
I requested to work under Evia-sama because I was sure I would be promoted significantly in the future from there.
Yet, I was assigned to a man’s department where promotion was uncertain, just because Evia-sama instructed it and my best friend asked, and I didn’t feel dissatisfied?
“…You’re kidding. Was I like this from so long ago?”
Instead, my memory of working hard with the belief that it was rewarding, was it possible that I had unknowingly become a woman working hard for the man I had fallen for?
That couldn’t be true, I wasn’t that kind of easily swayed woman.
Even though I made excuses in my heart, I still found myself not refusing his unreasonable requests or earnest pleas at work, and somehow, I found myself liking the sense of distance as superior and subordinate with him.
And then.
“Thank you, Keiri-san.”
“Ah, no. I can’t deny it. Ugh, ugh, ugh, what am I doing?”
Looking back, I found myself working hard on the next job while telling myself that it felt good to be thanked by him after completing a task.
I was aware that there was considerable opposition towards me as a human executive, but I was also trying various things to weaken that opposition even a little.
Was I really this kind of woman who would go to such lengths? As I looked back at myself, I found myself clutching my head with one hand.
The Master probably saw me as strange, with my expressions changing constantly, but for now, I just wanted to be left alone.
“Honestly, I’m too slow. No, that’s not right. Since there was no single decisive blow, I was building it up bit by bit, so I didn’t notice.”
Our relationship, to put it mildly, lacked any dramatic impressiveness.
Although we often got caught up in trouble, he was a man who could handle it due to his competence at work.
It started from there, and while there were no dramatic moments that gave a particularly good impression, there were also no events that gave a bad impression, so before I knew it, my evaluation of him had become quite high.
Going out for meals together, casual chats, his thoughtfulness; little by little, he had entered my heart.
“Haa, to think such a large structure had been built inside me, and I only realized it during the party.”
And as a result, I went into the party with feelings that I hadn’t noticed, no, that had become commonplace.
“You’re so beautiful.”
Even though my appearance was complimented, I compared it to Jiro-kun’s compliment I received first thing in the morning and found his to be better.
“You’re so dependable.”
Even when seen as a capable woman at work, I felt like boasting that I had worked hard to be able to work with him.
When I was troubled by being surrounded by troublesome men, and I sought help with just a glance, and he responded with a glance indicating understanding, a sense of relief filled my heart.
“The finishing touch was that I wasn’t sad even though I didn’t get a boyfriend after the party ended, huh?”
When he gave the closing speech for the party, even though I hadn’t achieved any results, I felt no frustration, sadness, or emptiness.
What I felt was the sense of accomplishment from finishing the work, and the satisfaction of being able to help him while he spoke with a wry smile to a relative woman.
That’s when I realized it.
Satisfaction?
“It’s strange, isn’t it? I only saw him as a colleague, but to think I felt good about being able to help him with his work.”
The alcohol today seemed to be having a faster effect than usual.
In order to become even a little more honest with myself, my body was craving alcohol.
My instinct seemed to be screaming that I, who was dense and couldn’t be honest, needed this much.
“Ah, I can’t laugh at Suella anymore.”
Dark Elves are devoted once they fall in love.
Suella had honestly confessed her feelings, yet I hid them with the desire to support my best friend’s love, fearing rejection, and convinced myself that it was enough to support him with my work.
“Honestly, what an unskillful woman.”
Although I said I was looking for a good man, I knew all along there was a good man right beside me.
It wasn’t a cute act of shyness.
From Jiro-kun’s perspective, I must have seemed like a woman who wasn’t interested in him and was looking for other good men, and I had also mistaken myself for such a woman.
“Ahhh, how am I going to make up for this delay? He must definitely think I’m a troublesome woman.”
Regret comes too late, and for the first time, I had a strong sense of having done something I shouldn’t have.
No matter how much I racked my brain, the conclusion that I couldn’t do anything about it ran through my mind, driving me to worry about what to do.
“Eh?”
Just as I was thinking about what to do, I felt the presence of the man I wanted to see, yet at the same time didn’t want to see at this timing, gradually approaching.
My mind instantly became calm, and the effects of the alcohol seemed to vanish all at once.
But, how to proceed wouldn’t be decided so easily.
If things continued like this, he would appear before me in a few tens of seconds.
For a moment, a weak part of me surfaced, wanting to suppress these feelings and let it pass without incident.
“Damn it, a woman’s courage! Let’s go for it.”
If I missed this chance, these feelings would probably never come to the surface in my lifetime.
When I realized them, got confused, and was in a terrible condition due to relying on alcohol.
“…After all, I don’t want to be shattered.”
What’s more, when my weak feelings compounded, he appeared, and I wonder if the me who greeted him was able to be my usual self.
Another side End
Today’s word:
Thinking back is important.
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