The Buster Sword is always so energetic. It’s even the reason a Meteor Strike came flying this way.
After escaping Klinshvelbach Castle, Iris and I spent about two hours keeping quiet to blind the pursuing Harpies.
By the time we moved towards Shidenzach, it was already midnight. It’s strange how I, a prisoner, ended up carrying Iris and food to escape.
When exhaustion set in after carrying one adult woman and walking through the night, I found a small stream. The water sparkled, fish were swimming in it, and it looked drinkable, so I lowered Iris and scooped up some water. I took a big gulp. Delicious!
It must be hard water. Maybe it will even solve my constipation. I’ve been a bit constipated lately. Or rather, I should say I was holding it in.
With a collar around my neck and my hands fixed as if in a “hands up” pose, who was going to wipe my behind? I wished they’d at least let me remove it in the toilet, but prisoners have no human rights, not even the right to wipe their own behind.
Free hands mean free bowel movements. My left hand isn’t working well, but with my right hand, it’s enough. I’d love to just let nature take its course in this clean water, like a natural bidet.
“Good person…”
I wish you’d just sleep for another ten minutes. If only I had ten more minutes, my pot belly would have been gone.
“You’re awake. There’s clean water flowing. Iris, bring your canteen, let’s fill it up.”
When you need to go, you go. Natural bowel movements shouldn’t be stopped. This is the right moment, but I can’t do it. I even thought about going downstream to relieve myself, but even though it would be fine, I felt hesitant.
“Shall I help you, good person?”
Iris, what exactly are you offering to help with? Even if the timing was right from drinking the hard water, I don’t have that kind of hobby.
When I’m old and frail and can’t do things on my own someday, Iris, a Dark Elf with a long lifespan, will still be young. Maybe I’ll ask for your help then, but not now.
But even that… Once this war is over, I’ll ask Orietta to make adult diapers. They’ll surely become a popular product.
“Your canteen…”
Right! Ah, you startled me. You said it at such a perfect moment, I misunderstood. After all, let’s stick to using the toilet for bowel movements like civilized people. I’ll hold it in regarding the bidet.
We male mercenaries relieve ourselves outdoors, but what do women do? There are female mercenaries other than the White Lily Corps, and the toilet situation is dire. I absolutely can’t ask Priscilla about it, or my mouth might split open.
“Please do.”
My canteen! To fill it with water!
We took a short break and then set off. There’s supposed to be a village nearby, but it’s probably deserted by now. I hope we can borrow a toilet and some clothes there. I walked with determination, especially paying attention to my behind.
“Let me use the toilet!”
The small village, located southeast of the Royal Capital, was peaceful. A kid who greeted me, picking his nose, pointed towards an adult. In such a quiet village, I rushed to borrow a toilet. I wonder what Iris thought of my frantic state.
Like a civilized person, I borrowed a toilet and did my business. I’ll use a toilet whenever I can. I don’t mind going outdoors, but I want to appear civilized in front of Iris. I borrowed a toilet in a private house for about twenty minutes.
Oh, did I lose weight? My pot belly has caved in, returning to a familiar size. After thanking the homeowner, Iris must have pulled some strings because I was able to buy some old clothes. In a deserted village, I would have just taken curtains without permission.
“Aren’t the people in this village fleeing?”
This nameless little village, close to the Royal Capital, didn’t seem to be fleeing at all. They looked like they were living their everyday lives.
“The King will do something, and we’re in the middle of the harvest.”
That’s a perfectly natural answer. They probably don’t think war concerns them, and they can’t just abandon their livelihood. However, this isn’t a normal war. If we lose, we’ll become monster chow. I advised them to escape quickly and left the village.
“That outfit suits you well.”
Iris and I are walking straight towards Shidenzach Castle, where King Harmonia has fled. It would have been easier if we could have borrowed horses, but they’re needed for the harvest and also for evacuation.
“Thank you. But it’s a bit flashy, isn’t it? It might attract attention.”
It’s floral print. If you want to be generous, it’s an aloha shirt; if you want to be critical, it’s an unusual taste. Well, even if I wrapped myself in a sheet as a cloak, the wind whipping up from my feet could make people mistake me for a pervert.
The size of the pants is right, but the upper garment is floral and too large. I also bought shoes, but I was worried if I had athlete’s foot.
“It seems the women around here favor that floral pattern.”
Could it be women’s clothing?! You negotiated properly, didn’t you? The fact that it’s big even for my build means she had a figure like Priscilla’s! I really wanted to meet her.
“You might be popular. More importantly, can you contact the other Iris?”
“Yes, there are no problems.”
“Then, send out contact to everyone. One goes to the Imperial Capital of the Ashtal Empire, one to Shidenzach, and three for information gathering in various parts of Harmonia. I want to know the movements of the Demon Army.”
“Except for Ashtal, there are no problems. We have collaborators in the Imperial Capital.”
Oh, that’s new. Iris and the others are diligent workers. When did they make collaborators? I hope they didn’t force them into cooperation.
“In that case, leave the Imperial Capital to our collaborators… Are they reliable people?”
The Imperial Capital is as important as the Demon Army’s actions within Harmonia. I want the Imperial Army to be active from now on, but the distance is considerable. The less time between asking and acting, the better.
“It’s Manon Guiyu of the Hasuhanto Trading Company. You’ve met her regarding the Black Sword, right?”
Oh, it’s been a while since I heard that name. I wonder if Manon, the half-elf’s cleavage is doing well. I’d love to dive into the sweat that flows in that cleavage someday. The Hasuhanto Trading Company can help us with many things, so she’s a great choice.
“I remember her. We went through a lot regarding the Black Sword. But can you contact her?”
“Contacting her is no problem. As for telepathic communication, it was on par with the six sisters. However, empathic communication seemed impossible.”
Empathic communication isn’t necessary. It would be a disaster if our senses communicated during work. It would be fun to watch from afar if work became impossible…
“In that case, forward the Imperial Capital’s share to Harmonia. And what kind of place is Shidenzach?”
Did I tell Iris that I’m from Harmonia? The lie that just slipped out is proving to be a surprisingly big hindrance.
“Shidenzach is a Dwarf autonomous region. They’ve built mines in the eastern mountain range, so its territory is small.”
Finally, Dwarves! A classic fantasy element! I haven’t seen pure Elves, but I’ve seen half-Elves and Dark Elves; if I don’t see Dwarves now, it’s like coming to Tokyo and not seeing Tokyo Tower. I’ve never been there, though.
“It’s an autonomous region? Not a city or anything?”
An autonomous region isn’t good. If it’s an autonomous region, there must be a king and different laws. In short, it’s another country. What will happen if Harmonia’s king brings his army to such a place?
“Yes, it’s an autonomous region. There was fighting when entering Shidenzach.”
Isn’t that the worst? I can understand if they asked for it, but to attack and take it by force. This likely means we won’t get the Dwarves’ cooperation.
What on earth is King Harmonia thinking? He’s fleeing the Royal Capital while still able to fight, he invades other people’s countries, does he even intend to protect his own? I can’t understand what important people are thinking.
If I were the king, I’d build a harem first! After that, I’d protect the country to protect the harem! …Managing a country seems too daunting for me. Perhaps I might get along with King Harmonia.
“The White Lily Corps and Lady Annelyse are alright, aren’t they?”
“Yes, they are. They didn’t participate in the battle.”
Maybe it’s good news, or maybe I should run away. If they couldn’t participate in the battle because they were firing Meteor Strikes. However, it’s good that Lady Annelyse didn’t participate in the battle. She has the standing of a Duke and could be a negotiator with the Dwarves in place of the King… maybe?
If there were casualties, negotiations wouldn’t be possible. Kill Dwarves, take their territory, and then ask for their cooperation because the Demon Army is attacking? How convenient is that!
The only hope might be to gamble on Lady Annelyse’s cheating move, “Enchanting Charisma.” Christine’s “Goddess of Support” might also be useful, but it could lead to everyone’s death if mishandled.
Somehow, I really don’t want to go to Shidenzach. I feel like a lot of trouble awaits me. Regarding Harmonia, how am I going to talk my way out of this with Sophia, who fired the Meteor Strike?
And Yuma Bashar! The one responsible for me becoming a prisoner. I can’t forgive him. If Alana didn’t survive, just cutting off his head won’t be enough.
If he were a girl, I’d reconsider, but Yuma Bashar is a man. He’ll have to take responsibility for his actions. First, I’ll chop off both his legs to immobilize him, then I’ll start slicing him inch by inch from below! I’m not going to do anything lewd!
Iris and I walk towards Shidenzach. While walking, I think about all sorts of things: what I’ll do to Yuma Bashar, how Manon is doing, what kind of place Shidenzach is, and whether King Harmonia is an idiot.
