“I will become the true Hero!”
“Captain, it’s mealtime. Are you going to feed me again?”
“Ah, it’s fine. Just leave it there.”
I’m happy to be fed by Arana. That’s because she feeds me mouth-to-mouth.
“Let me feed you! Sophia has given her permission!”
That’s a shame. I was starting to like the bow of the ship too. I even made friends with piranha dolphins. They turn sideways underwater when they jump. They must be looking at the surface.
“P-Princess Priscilla also gave her permission!?”
For now, with the permission of these two, I can survive. I would even wear a guillotine collar if it meant survival.
“Well, uh… yes…”
“Is that because of love?”
“…Arana, sink him.”
“Understood.”
I shouldn’t have said anything unnecessary. Arana followed Priscilla’s orders, and I became bait for trolling. I’m sure a big one would bite. After all, the Hero is the bait!
When we parted ways with the mermaids, they waved their hands from the shore, and some even came up to the side of the ship to bid us farewell. Sonya was probably among them, but I couldn’t tell the difference between the fish-people.
Of course, I was given a special send-off. If the mermaids thought humans were interesting creatures, I would be satisfied with just that. I will return someday… as the king of a harem…
Then, I was hung up as fishing bait, played with the piranha dolphins, and when my body was all waterlogged, I was pulled up. Priscilla returned to her room, saying only, “No catch.”
Even in this southern country, swimming more than necessary drains body heat and turns your lips purple. I want Sophia to warm my shivering body, but I have something to do.
“Orietta, how are you doing?”
I opened the door to the lowest-level cabin with a casual feeling. The reason I immediately closed it and wanted to bask in the sun on deck was the inexplicable black fog wafting from the room and Orietta’s gas mask.
“Am I going to die now?”
It’s my fault for entering a room where chemical weapons were being made without protective gear, but I was also concerned about the fog filling the ship, so I closed the door and went inside.
“You won’t die~ Khoh-khoh. Just in case~ Khoh-khoh.”
She tapped her gas mask and gave me a thumbs-up with her right hand, then pointed at me. She seems to be doing fine. Now, all I need is a gas mask.
“It’s thanks to the Black Dragon Rock the mermaids gave us~ Khoh-khoh. Please give me two more days~ Khoh-khoh.”
I wish the gas mask made a cuter breathing sound. The frightening feeling and atmosphere, combined with Orietta’s gothic lolita fashion, created a uniquely bizarre space.
“Understood. I’m counting on you. Also, could I have a spare Zantou?”
“Don’t have any~ Khoh-khoh.”
You must have some. You always prepared three swords, didn’t you? Priscilla’s Halberd, Arana’s Zantou. Magic Sword Zebra was a special order, so there was only one.
“You always make three, don’t you? You had three Halberds too.”
“Didn’t bring them~ Khoh-khoh. My magic container is full of chemical research equipment~ Khoh-khoh.”
She said she didn’t bring her armor, but was it so full that there wasn’t even room for one sword? Still, this is a problem. I was counting on getting a spare when I threw it at the Kraken.
“In that case, I can’t help it. I’ll look for something else. Please continue your research, Orietta.”
“Understood~ Khoh-khoh.”
Then she handed me a poisonously, sticky liquid. It reminded me of Kraken snot, and the smell was enough to make me want to reverse my breakfast from that morning.
“What is this?”
“An unfinished antidote~ Khoh-khoh.”
“…I should drink it, right? Didn’t you say I wouldn’t die?”
“You won’t die~ Khoh-khoh. You’ll go bald~ Khoh-khoh.”
I drank it down with all my might and left the room.
But it’s a problem, not having a weapon. First of all, it’s not stylish. I wish I had a sword befitting a Hero, like a “Silver Sword” or a “Holy Knight’s Sword.”
We passed through Nebel Bridge and headed to Lauenstein. I’ll defeat the Demon Lord if I can, but can I defeat him with a punch? Maybe I should practice open-hand strikes.
I found the captain and asked if there was anything on the ship that could be used as a weapon. Even a harpoon, like the one I threw at the Kraken, would do, but I don’t think it suits a Hero.
“This should be enough.”
The captain handed me a large, long, sturdy wooden oar… an oar used for rowing a boat. “Miyamoto Musashi.”
…Miyamoto Musashi!? Miyamoto Musashi, who fought Sasaki Kojiro at Ganryu Island, fought with an oar as his weapon! I think he took advantage of the fact that he was late and kept apologizing, right?
“You’re going to kill the Demon Lord with that?”
“If Priscilla lends me her Halberd, I’ll take off the Demon Lord’s head with it.”
“Too bad. I’m taking the Demon Lord’s head.”
It’s based on the premise of killing the Demon Lord, but that’s secondary! The main goal is to set up chemical weapons on Nebel Bridge and cut off their supply lines, making the Demon Lord’s head a mere afterthought.
If I were at Miyamoto Musashi’s level, any sword would be fine, but I don’t think I’m there yet in anything but speed. And the biggest problem isn’t my skill.
From my memories of my past life, I believe I can defeat the Demon Lord if I can get close enough to exploit an opening. For me, “sneak up and stab” is the best approach, rather than skill or technique.
But this is an oar. It will take all night. As you get older, it becomes difficult… Putting that aside, what about beating him to death with the oar!?
I am the Hero, and when this war ends, reporters from all over the world will gather for victory interviews.
“What do you think was the key to victory in this battle?”
“Before that, I would like to express my condolences to those who died in this battle. Please do not forget the lives that were sacrificed in the fight against the Demon Army.”
I want to shed a tear or two here, but speak clearly without faltering, and express my gratitude to my sponsors, to raise my approval rating. They might be my next employers.
“I am confident that this victory is also due to the unyielding resolve and indomitable fighting spirit of the Harmonia Kingdom, the Asht Empire, the Keibeck Kingdom, and the Rothfar Kingdom.”
This is the standard speech. I could add a bit more, but a concise answer is more likely to make tomorrow’s headlines.
The problem starts here. Reporters will surely ask more probing questions. They won’t ask what they saw, but information that only I, not they, could know.
“What was it like fighting the Demon Lord directly? Was he strong?”
“Yes, the Demon Lord was very strong, and we had a difficult battle. We managed to win fighting alongside the White Lily Corps.”
This is a lie. A one-on-one fight with the Demon Lord isn’t like the Battle of Kawanakajima between Takeda Shingen and Uesugi Kenshin. It’s either me and the White Lily Corps toying with him, or me saying, “I’ll just go and stab him,” and it’s over.
That’s the problem…
This “oar,” even if I carve and shape it now, this “wooden sword” has no cutting edge. So, I can only beat and bludgeon him to death with it.
There are many blunt weapons like maces and morning stars on the battlefield. They have destructive power and are effective weapons for injuring the opponent’s body through their armor.
Will this wooden sword have enough power to pierce armor when I hit him? Even if it does, the wooden sword will likely break. In that case, I’ll aim for the head. Even with a helmet, it must hurt…
I somehow have to rip off the helmet, beat him, beat him, tear his scalp, crush his skull, and splatter his brains… If I do that, he’ll definitely die, but that’s not what a Hero does.
Have there ever been Heroes who wielded blunt weapons? And with a wooden sword, no less. This is a level-one starting weapon. Am I going to wield that!? I have no other choice though…
Surely, once I defeat the Demon Lord, my exploits will be sung about. Bards will compose songs about my and the White Lily Corps’ achievements, and they will climb the charts.
“The Godspeed Hero swung his Silver Sword and severed the head of the hated Demon Lord. Thus, the battle with the Demon Lord comes to an end. Glory to the Hero, and eternal life to Harmonia.”
A song like this, sung by young and old alike, will ensure my exploits are passed down for eternity.
“The Godspeed Hero swung his wooden sword, crushed the skull of the hated Demon Lord, and repeatedly struck it, scattering his brains. Thus, the battle with the Demon Lord comes to an end. Glory to the Bludgeoning Hero, and eternal life to Harmonia.”
…The image is terrible. That’s why Heroes don’t wield blunt weapons. To have the name “Bludgeoning Hero” passed down through the ages could have a negative impact on children.
A Hero is supposed to be cool and eventually marry a princess. That’s why being a Hero is the most desired profession. Children who aspire to be a “Bludgeoning Hero” are being raised incorrectly.
I’ll give them money to appease them… It’s not a “sham” but “dramatization.” A Hero must be cool. They must be good-looking, popular with girls, and have a happy ending.
I frantically carved the oar until we docked at Nordland.
