Kouhei, who had been stricken with a terminal illness, was met with people turning their backs on him.
“Stage 4 Chimera Syndrome… Me? …That’s impossible!”
“…Stage 4… Isn’t there some mistake?”
“Amakake, listen to me. You know about second opinions, right? I’ll write you a referral letter…”
“I don’t need a referral letter! I have plenty of connections in Kasumigaseki!”
“…Fine. It’s your life, so do as you please. And I know you don’t mean it, but I can’t treat you. I don’t have the confidence to stay by your side and treat you.”
“I refuse your offer! I’ll find someone myself!”
“…We probably won’t see each other again, so I’ll say it too. You probably think I’m just a spoiled brat following the path my parents laid out for me, but even following a path has its struggles. It’s not as easy as you think. People told me you were promising and that I should keep you around, so I went along with it, but I actually disliked you.”
“What did you say! How dare you…”
“I knew you were looking down on me. I feel better saying what I wanted to say, but I feel terrible. Right now, you are my patient. As a doctor, I’ve always stayed by my patients’ side and provided medical care… that was my pride, but I broke it today!”
“………………”
“…Please leave. …But I pray that Kouhei Amakake overcomes this illness. ……This is sincere, as someone in the medical profession.”
With that, Amemiya handed me the case containing the diagnosis.
…I, who had never lost a debate, could say nothing. I took the case and headed home.
I managed to get a week off from Director Mizuki by making a strong request.
Then, I contacted my juniors from university who worked at the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare and had them introduce me to doctors renowned as masters of their craft. I underwent examinations, but the results were all the same.
Indeed, I had developed Chimera Syndrome. Furthermore, a significant portion of my vital organs were affected.
Chimera Syndrome is a rare and incurable disease with an unknown cause. It is called “Chimera” because, from Stage 3 onwards, malignant tumors develop and metastasize to multiple vital organs.
It is a truly deadly “chimera” that secretly metastasizes to multiple organs before developing malignant tumors.
There are many cases of survival even with Stage 4 cancer. However, Stage 4 Chimera Syndrome… has a 100% mortality rate.
The reason a new, more insidious incurable disease like Chimera Syndrome than cancer hasn’t become a serious social issue is its low incidence rate.
There are fewer than a thousand cases in all of Japan. Unlike AIDS, it is not contagious, so the government has been slow to respond.
Currently, there is only one way to survive: complete excision of the affected parts of the body by Chimera Syndrome. However, at Stage 4, excision is impossible. A considerable portion of vital organs has already been eroded.
But there was a silver lining to this. A junior from the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare told me that a pharmaceutical company in the United States was making progress in developing a new drug for Chimera Syndrome, and clinical trials were scheduled to begin soon.
For now, I can only bet on those clinical trials. For an ordinary person, becoming a test subject in clinical trials in the United States would be impossible. But I am not an ordinary person. I can do it. I must do it.
I informed only Director Mizuki of my condition and applied for a long-term leave of absence. If I overcome Chimera Syndrome, that experience will surely be useful in the future. I forced myself to believe this and headed to Kasumigaseki to hand over my current cases.
Do the eyes of the staff look different from usual? Is it because I, who have never taken time off, am taking a long-term leave, and they are suspicious? I can’t afford to dwell on trivial matters now. I need to finish the handover quickly… I had the materials for important cases brought to the conference room and called for Tomabechi. He came as soon as he was called, as usual. Although I have some reservations about entrusting him with important cases, he is better than anyone else. “Tomabechi, I want you to take over these cases. Starting now…”
“I refuse. I have other cases.”
“What? The importance of this case…”
“There’s no longer any benefit for me to support Counselor Amakake.”
“Me”? He wasn’t using that kind of language before. And… refuse? “Hey, Tomabechi! What do you think you’re saying…”
“Stop it. How long are you going to act like the boss? Besides, Counselor Amakake should be worried about his own health rather than his cases. Chimera Syndrome, Stage 4, Counselor Amakake?”
“…W-why… how do you know about that…”
“Oh my, you’re quite naive. Did you think all your juniors at the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare were your friends? You went around to doctors indiscriminately, but not all doctors adhere to patient confidentiality, you know? Someone talked. I don’t know who, though.”
Those guys! Do they have no professional ethics at all? “You’ve made me waste so much of my time. I thought I was backing the winner… but you were a terrible horse! Do you know how much trouble I’ll be in now that I’m perceived as your supporter? You’ve put me at a terrible disadvantage. Maybe I should retire early.”
“Do you have the right to say that! How much have I looked after you!”
“We’ve looked after each other! You’ve used me for your convenience too! I’ll also tell you this: we’re all not as stupid as you think! You’re undeniably exceptionally capable. But, you know, everyone knows you look down on not just me, but everyone around you, because you’re so full of yourself! We’ve tolerated it because you had value to us! …That value is gone now. That’s all there is to it. Do you have anything else to say?”
…My world is going dark… The world I’ve built is collapsing… like a castle of sand…
Left alone in the conference room, I took out my smartphone and tried to call Director Mizuki. “The number you have dialed is not currently in service. Please check the number and try again…”
I threw my smartphone to the floor and left Kasumigaseki.
My dark apartment in Tokyo, where no one awaits me. It’s dark because no one is here, and I’ve never cared about that before… I just want to lie down, but I don’t want to go in… That’s how I feel. All that comes to mind now is the thought of being swallowed by the dark, unlit world that awaits me where I have no other place to go. With heavy steps, I opened the entrance and headed towards the living room from the hall. I immediately turned on the light to dispel the darkness, though my feelings remain sunk in darkness… I can’t bear the darkness. ……I’m so tired… It’s not the worsening of my illness; it must be the severe betrayal that has exhausted me mentally. I take off my suit jacket and lie down on the sofa. I intended to rest without thinking about anything, but anxiety and fear overwhelm me.
How did my life, which until recently was going so smoothly, end up like this? Why am I afflicted with a rare disease that affects less than one in 100,000 people!! There are plenty of others!! People who have no value in living!! ……Why… why am I… subjected to such injustice…
The phone in the living room rings. I don’t feel like answering it. It’s so persistent that I decide to yell into it and hang up, but as I pick up the receiver… it’s my ex-wife’s voice. I didn’t want to talk to anyone, but I reflexively replied, “…Is that you? It’s been a while.” “…Eighteen years. ……Are you well?”
…How could I be well? I’m afflicted with a terminal illness.
Today marks five months since I started posting.
