Chapter 108 Principles
But Luo Qingyu’s fingertips were not forceful at all.
“So cold,” Jiang Huai muttered softly.
Luo Qingyu snapped back to attention, and the next moment, all the coldness retracted into her body. The chilliness in her eyes quietly melted away, but soon her eyes became misty, and tears began to well up in her eye sockets.
“Did I do something that displeased Jiang Huai Gege?”
“No, I’ve always really liked Qingyu.”
“Then why… Jiang Huai Gege has known Qingyu for four years and still refuses to kiss Qingyu, but you got to know Wen Wanwan for a very short time and have already kissed her? Is it because she is more favored by Jiang Huai Gege than Qingyu?”
“It’s because I was drunk that day, my fault.”
“I don’t want Jiang Huai Gege to admit fault, Qingyu just wants an answer. Is she more favored by Jiang Huai Gege than Qingyu?”
“No, I’ve always liked Qingyu.”
“Then why couldn’t you kiss Qingyu before, but could kiss her?”
“Didn’t I already kiss Qingyu?”
“Why did she get to kiss before Qingyu?” Luo Qingyu’s tears had already slipped down the corners of her eyes, but Jiang Huai didn’t know how to explain it. How could he explain it? Because he had always harbored the fantasy that this marriage could still be canceled, he had never done anything to Luo Qingyu. If some things were done, one had to be responsible, but if not, it wasn’t necessary. At worst, if the engagement was canceled, he would still treat Luo Qingyu as a good sister.
But later, he realized he had fallen in love with Luo Qingyu, and there was no longer any need to cancel the engagement, so he let go. But looking back, he had indeed kissed Wen Wanwan first. He seemed to have fallen into a situation where he couldn’t explain himself, no matter how hard he tried.
“Will Jiang Huai Gege still practice Dual Cultivation with her? And before Qingyu?” Luo Qingyu’s voice began to tremble, and Jiang Huai could only shake his head, “No.”
“But what if you get drunk again and accidentally… what should we do? Qingyu was here first, but it seems like she gets everything before Qingyu…”
Jiang Huai was silent for a moment.
It seemed he now had a way to solve this problem: as long as he practiced Dual Cultivation with Luo Qingyu first, then Luo Qingyu wouldn’t feel wronged, right? Perhaps he could appease her.
“It really won’t happen,” Jiang Huai tried to struggle a bit more.
“Then why is Jiang Huai Gege unwilling to have Qingyu’s body?”
“Because… we’re not married yet.”
Jiang Huai didn’t know if he should speak. Because in his heart, he still yearned for his fairy-like Master, Chu Xianning? Did Luo Qingyu know? Luo Qingyu might not know, perhaps she was just waiting for him to say it himself. He had been using feigned ignorance to avoid this question for a long time, and Luo Qingyu had played along with him, but now that Luo Qingyu had asked, he didn’t know how to answer.
“But we’re getting married soon… Is Jiang Huai Gege hesitating because he has no intention of marrying Qingyu in the future?”
“How could that be?”
“Then since we will definitely get married, why is Jiang Huai Gege still hesitating… Is it because you’re actually not interested in Qingyu’s body… You actually don’t want to marry Qingyu… That’s why you’re always hesitating?”
“I told you, it’s not like that.”
“Jiang Huai Gege is lying.” Luo Qingyu turned her face away.
“I’m not lying.”
“Then Jiang Huai Gege… prove it to me now…” Luo Qingyu’s lips pouted slightly, “Qingyu will surely be Jiang Huai Gege’s in the future, yet Jiang Huai Gege is always reluctant to have me… Qingyu is always so scared…”
Jiang Huai felt a strange exhaustion.
A hint of powerlessness showed in his eyes, “We’re getting married at the end of the year, only one year left… Why the rush now?”
“Because Qingyu is scared…”
Jiang Huai’s shoulders became heavier and heavier. Looking at the tears on Luo Qingyu’s cheeks, he suddenly felt an inexplicable annoyance in his heart. But all in all, it seemed to be his own fault from the beginning, and he couldn’t even refute it.
Tears were a woman’s sharpest weapon, and with one stab, all his defenses were pierced.
Jiang Huai closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
“Luo Qingyu.”
Jiang Huai reached out and gently wiped away the tear stains on her cheeks, “Are you like this yourself, or did your mother teach you to be like this?”
“What?” Luo Qingyu was stunned, and a trace of unease suddenly appeared in her eyes.
“I don’t mean to blame you,” Jiang Huai wiped away the tears from her cheeks, “Did you just ask me if I didn’t like you?”
The unease in Luo Qingyu’s heart quietly intensified. Her throat became tight, and she suddenly felt afraid to answer Jiang Huai’s question.
“There are many things to consider about not practicing Dual Cultivation with Qingyu. Before, it was because Qingyu was still very young. In my heart, I always thought Dual Cultivation was something for after eighteen years old. Qingyu just turned eighteen, so I thought it was okay to take things slowly. I didn’t kiss Qingyu before because I thought Qingyu was still young. When Qingyu was a little girl and met me, she might have liked to stay by my side and rely on me because she thought I was very capable.”
“But Qingyu was still a child. How could a child already have the ability to distinguish whether the man in front of her was capable of accompanying her for a lifetime? So I wanted to wait for Qingyu to grow up a bit. I did occasionally have little evil thoughts, thinking I could coax Qingyu into kissing, hugging, and doing all sorts of bad things, but I felt I couldn’t do it because Luo Qingyu at that time couldn’t distinguish many things in this world. When she grew up, she would naturally distinguish whether she really liked me, or just happened to meet someone who was only slightly more sensible than her back then.”
“So I wanted to wait for Qingyu to grow up. That’s why last time Qingyu came to Tian Xuan Sect, I promised Qingyu that if she went back and studied dance with her mother properly, she could kiss me then. Because Qingyu was already eighteen, she could distinguish many things in this world and had her own ideas. If Qingyu still liked me, it would be a great thing for me, after all, Qingyu was never bad in any way, so beautiful, so cute, and so obedient to me.”
“I have always believed that marriage should not be decided by elders, but by oneself. So I am waiting for Qingyu to grow up. When Qingyu grows up and is still willing to marry me, our marriage will proceed as scheduled. I have never had any objections.”
“A while ago, my cultivation level was abolished, and your mother came to break off the engagement. When she sent you to Qingxuan Sect, you asked me if I would still marry you. I said yes, because I wanted to marry you. I thought marrying Qingyu would be a happy thing just to think about.”
“But I did have many faults, such as being lecherous and greedy. I did kiss Junior Sister Wanwan, and more than once. I didn’t intend to hide it from Qingyu, and I would have told her sooner or later. It’s just that I didn’t find a suitable time this time. But now that Qingyu knows, I don’t need to mention it again.”
“But I never said I didn’t like you, nor did I say I didn’t want to marry you…” Jiang Huai looked down at Luo Qingyu’s eyes, “I know Qingyu is not wrong… Qingyu is worried and scared precisely because she likes me, afraid that I will get involved with other women, afraid that I will change my mind one day. I don’t blame Qingyu, but I can’t explain this to Qingyu either, because it is a fact that Qingyu has seen.”
“It’s my fault. I shouldn’t have kissed other women when I was engaged to Qingyu. I’m sorry to Qingyu. I’m guilty. I was bewitched.”
The unease in Luo Qingyu’s heart grew stronger. She was clearly listening to Jiang Huai apologize, but she always felt that Jiang Huai was about to say something terrible. Her unease made her heart beat faster. She gently clutched Jiang Huai’s arm, “Qingyu doesn’t blame Jiang Huai Gege… Jiang Huai Gege, don’t say it anymore… Qingyu is not angry… nor is she blaming you… I’m just… just scared…”
“Let me finish,” Jiang Huai sighed softly, “This is my fault from the beginning. I had bad intentions from the start, which is why Qingyu has been constantly worried and scared. It’s my fault to be ambiguous with other women when I was engaged to Qingyu. If Qingyu wishes, she can break off this engagement at any time.”
“No!” Luo Qingyu shouted almost immediately.
“Then what if I’m still ambiguous with other women? Perhaps this marriage was wrong from the start. When this marriage began, my heart was always thinking of other women, always being two-faced and unfaithful. This is unfair to Qingyu. It is precisely because of this that Qingyu has always felt insecure and scared. So… this marriage… it’s actually better to reconsider it carefully. I am not a devoted person, and I cannot be wholeheartedly devoted to Qingyu. I will only make Qingyu sad.”
“No…” Luo Qingyu’s tears burst out, and she leaned in to hug Jiang Huai tightly. “No… Jiang Huai Gege… no… don’t… Jiang Huai Gege can’t leave me… Jiang Huai Gege promised to marry Qingyu… no…”
Jiang Huai fell silent, speechless.
Listening to the crying girl in his arms, his heart ached inexplicably, as if the pent-up feelings of years had suddenly burst. He had always felt guilty towards Luo Qingyu, because when he was engaged to Qingyu, he had always been thinking of Chu Xianning. Qingyu was unfaithful from the beginning. He tried hard to be a gentleman, so he never touched Luo Qingyu back then, thinking there was still a chance to cancel the future engagement, and that everything could still turn around. But as he interacted with Luo Qingyu more, he began to fantasize about this marriage. He began to consider giving up on Chu Xianning and no longer having futile fantasies… But the back and forth only made him uneasy.
“No… Jiang Huai Gege can’t leave Qingyu… Qingyu won’t say anything else… Don’t leave Qingyu alone… Qingyu won’t say these things again… I won’t test Jiang Huai Gege anymore… No… no…” Luo Qingyu’s tears flowed more and more, and she gradually began to gasp for breath, her words becoming blurry and intermittent. Jiang Huai gently held her in his arms, reaching out to pat her back.
“Don’t cry, I didn’t say I don’t want Qingyu anymore, nor did I say I won’t marry Qingyu,” Jiang Huai said with unspeakable exhaustion.
Luo Qingyu bit her lip with all her might, but she couldn’t stop her choked sobs. Jiang Huai gently held her body and gently patted her back, saying nothing. Only when the girl in his arms finally stopped sobbing did he slowly speak.
“Alright, it’s late. Let’s go to bed and talk slowly first.”
