The light rain was drizzling.
Jiang Huai and Luo Yueguan had boarded the Spirit Boat and embarked on the journey back to the Tian Xuan Sect.
The two people were sitting in the room, with the window wide open. The rain outside did not blow in, and a wispy, moist breeze entered. A chessboard was placed between them, and Jiang Huai had already lost twelve consecutive games.
Even though Luo Yueguan was not playing seriously, her chess skills were the result of hundreds of years of accumulation. Even if Jiang Huai racked his brains and scratched his ears, he couldn’t win a single game against Luo Yueguan.
“Let’s rest.” Jiang Huai leaned back in his chair, choosing to give up.
Luo Yueguan put the chessboard aside, then lifted her slender, delicate leg from under the table and, crossing it over the table, placed her white and tender little feet on Jiang Huai’s lap.
Jiang Huai lowered his head slightly.
A pair of beautiful jade feet, in addition to having white and tender, smooth skin and perfect shape, also required slender ankles. Luo Yueguan clearly met all these conditions. When Jiang Huai’s fingertips touched the skin of her snow-white and smooth instep, if he didn’t grip a little harder, his fingertips would naturally slip off.
“We’re about to return to Tian Xuan Sect. When we get there, your Master will be in the courtyard, and you won’t be able to be so unrestrained anymore.” Luo Yueguan’s voice was playful. Jiang Huai’s expression remained unchanged, and he said softly, “So you know.”
“Actually, I could also not know.” Luo Yueguan raised her snow-white chin. “I’m not afraid of your Master. Do you want me to know or not?”
“Of course, I want you to know.”
“Heartless man.” Luo Yueguan couldn’t help but lift her leg higher, her white and tender toes poking his chest for a moment before falling again. She moved her chair closer.
“When we get there, we won’t be able to be so unrestrained. So, shall we be unrestrained one more time on the Spirit Boat now? How about Auntie Luo serves you with her lips and tongue?”
“No.” Jiang Huai refused very decisively.
Luo Yueguan’s eyes showed a hint of grumbling and disappointment again. However, at this moment, Jiang Huai suddenly thought of something, so he looked up at Luo Yueguan’s face and silently recited the command to retrieve her favorability.
He hadn’t planned to use it, but after a morning of serious thought, he suddenly thought of a very interesting point and couldn’t help but want to verify his guess. Soon, the favorability retrieval gave him the answer, verifying that his guess was correct. However, for a moment, he couldn’t tell whether he should be happy or disappointed.
[Luo Yueguan’s current favorability: 90.]
A few days ago, Jiang Huai thought that Luo Yueguan’s favorability towards him should have been at least 93 or 94, even 95. It wasn’t until this morning, when Luo Yueguan asked him to bite her finger, that Jiang Huai suddenly understood. Perhaps Luo Yueguan’s favorability towards him was not as high as he thought. She loved someone who was willing to be unconditionally good to her, but unwilling to take anything from her. Perhaps this person could be anyone… and he just happened to appear at the right time.
No one was ever destined for anyone else; everything just happened coincidentally.
Even if he could say “I love you” to Luo Yueguan right now, what would it matter? If Luo Yueguan pinned her hopes on him, it would be no different than walking from one abyss into another. If she truly understood everything, she would be fine even if he didn’t love her.
“You don’t like what I just said?” Luo Yueguan’s toes gently slid across his chest, her eyes filled with just the right amount of charm. This was her exquisite facade, her performance seamless. But Jiang Huai just shook his head. “I quite like it.”
“If you like it, why don’t you agree?”
Jiang Huai thought for a moment. “Many things are a slippery slope. Once you do it this time, there will be a next time, and then it will be out of control. If you want to avoid such a result, you must avoid the beginning.”
“What are you afraid of? I won’t tell your Master.”
“It’s not that I’m afraid of what you might say to my Master… I just always feel like this isn’t quite right.” Jiang Huai grabbed her slender ankle and put down her restless white and tender feet. “I’ve always thought you were very, very beautiful, and I do have many wicked thoughts about your body stored in my head. So you don’t need to test me again and again to prove your charm, nor do you need to do this to reassure yourself.”
“Are you going to lecture me again?” A hint of playfulness flickered in Luo Yueguan’s eyes, as if she was already anticipating persuading Jiang Huai later. But Jiang Huai shook his head. “No, it’s not about lecturing, it’s just… telling you this.”
“You think I’m seducing you just to prove my charm to you? Then you’re really too…”
“Vain?” Jiang Huai finished her sentence.
“Aren’t you?” Luo Yueguan tilted her head slightly.
Jiang Huai stood up. “Then are you going to say next that you’re doing this just because you find it interesting? That you just like to see me toyed with in your hands?”
“Are you so arrogant to be so sure that you’ve figured out my thoughts?”
“Yes.” Jiang Huai walked towards the deck. “If I guessed wrong, just pretend I didn’t say anything.”
…
Jiang Huai went out onto the deck. The Spirit Boat had a shielding formation for rainy days, so the raindrops did not fall onto the deck. He quietly leaned on the lounge chair and made himself some tea. Luo Yueguan chased after him after a while and sat opposite him, her expression returning to one of coldness.
“Self-righteous!”
“Yes.” Jiang Huai nodded and also poured her a cup, then said no more, silently blowing the scalding tea to cool it before taking a sip.
In fact, he felt a little bit of disappointment in his heart.
The source of his disappointment was indeed his vanity being severely hit. These past few days, he had really thought that Luo Yueguan’s favorability towards him had become very, very high. He had even started to seriously consider how to treat Luo Yueguan in the future for a long, long time. But at this moment, he suddenly realized that he had been thinking too much.
He had been deceived by Luo Yueguan. This woman had just acted as if she liked him very much, making him actually have such an illusion, as if he were truly her fated one, and she could not do without him.
“You’re deliberately acting cold towards me because you’ll soon be returning to Tian Xuan Sect, aren’t you? Aren’t you afraid that Chu Xianning will perceive something?” Luo Yueguan’s tone was sour.
“How am I deliberately being cold to you again?” Jiang Huai looked at her eyes helplessly.
“Then why did you refuse me? It was clearly me who took the initiative to want to please you… and you dared to refuse me…”
“How come it sounds as if I haven’t refused you before?”
“Then what about when you kissed me? What about when you slept with me? What about when you spanked my buttocks? You didn’t refuse then, but you refuse me now?”
“I’m not arguing with you.”
“Because you’re guilty, you’re despicable, and you can’t argue with me!”
“Yes, I’m guilty, I’m despicable, and I can’t argue with you.” Jiang Huai pouted, but continued to drink his tea. He didn’t want to argue with Luo Yueguan anymore. Luo Yueguan had her own logic in her world, as if Jiang Huai not falling into her trap meant he was being cold to her… What did she truly want? Did she want him to love her, or did she want him to obey her in everything, to obediently become her subordinate, wagging his tail at her with a mere wave of her finger?
What was the love she believed in? Jiang Huai was no longer willing to guess; it was a tangled ball of yarn that he couldn’t untangle. Whenever he thought he had caught a glimpse of a clue, Luo Yueguan would hide herself again. To this day, Jiang Huai had never truly seen her heart clearly. Whenever he felt he was getting closer to Luo Yueguan and had untangled a part of the yarn, it would soon become tangled again on its own.
It was as if everything he did was in vain.
Jiang Huai silently recited the command to retrieve favorability again, and soon received a response.
[Luo Yueguan’s current favorability: 89.]
Did her favorability drop just because he didn’t go along with her thoughts? Jiang Huai suddenly felt a sense of inexplicable frustration. The emptiness in Luo Yueguan’s heart was not something he could fill. No one ever could; only she herself could fill the emptiness… but she was unwilling to admit it. Whenever she felt insecure, she would start to fear, and fear would make her want to control everything, want him to obey her in everything, want to force him to acknowledge everything about her.
It seemed that the earlier Luo Qingyu had inherited her ideas. The tears in the bathhouse that time were also like this. Her strange logic was that if Jiang Huai was unwilling to Dual Cultivate with her now, it meant he didn’t love her. Fortunately, Luo Qingyu was still young, and there were many things Jiang Huai could help her gradually understand each other.
Luo Yueguan’s eyes stared straight at him, and her eyes gradually turned red again.
Jiang Huai retrieved the information time and time again, hearing the prompts in his ear repeatedly.
[Luo Yueguan’s current favorability: 88.]
[Luo Yueguan’s current favorability: 87.]
That number kept dropping until it stopped completely at 85. Jiang Huai stopped retrieving it. He only had about thirty percent trust in these hollow numbers. He believed that a person’s feelings should not be measured by numbers. It was his own fault for being cheap and looking at the favorability just now, and now he was disappointed, all by himself.
“You’re just afraid that Chu Xianning will be jealous, that Chu Xianning will know about our relationship, that Chu Xianning will dislike you… You’re just afraid of this, so you’re being cold to me…”
“You’re right.”
“You don’t even dare to explain yourself to me anymore?”
“If I explain, will you listen?”
Jiang Huai’s voice carried a hint of powerlessness. “Since you’re angry, why don’t you go tell Chu Xianning? Tell her everything that has happened during this period, in detail, whatever you want. As long as you don’t add any exaggeration, I will accept it. I will admit to the things I have done myself.”
“You think I don’t dare to say it? You’re betting that if you say this, I won’t say it anymore… You think I’ll fall for your trick? I won’t…”
“Then just say it. If you’re unwilling to say it, I can take the initiative to tell Chu Xianning.” Jiang Huai lowered his head to look at the tea on the table. He didn’t want to look up, guessing that Luo Yueguan’s face was tear-streaked at this moment.
“It’s clearly because you think we’re returning to Tian Xuan Sect, so I must start deliberately distancing myself from you. You had this thought, so you wanted to lure me into doing something bad at this time to reassure yourself. But the principle I’ve always wanted to explain to you is that you never need to do this to reassure yourself. Last night I told you I would always be by your side… but you didn’t listen to a single word.”
“Is it really that difficult to understand what I mean? Have you ever truly understood me? Do you really think I’m a hypocritical guy? If I were, I would have pursued Chu Xianning wholeheartedly from the beginning, and there wouldn’t be Luo Qingyu, nor Wen Wanwan. I’m never that kind of guy, because I’m also greedy and selfish. But this greedy and selfish me, when you try to seduce me, can occasionally even pretend to be a gentleman, which I find quite surprising myself.”
“What do you hope for? Do you hope I agree, and then you’ll feel at ease? Then, every time you feel uneasy in the future, you’ll think about this, and after repeating this cycle, you’ll be completely at ease? Is there any downside to this for me? Never… But why should I refuse you? You’re unwilling to think about it. You’re just angry because I refused you, because I didn’t go along with your thoughts or your ideas.”
“You say you love me, but do you love me, or the shadow you’ve imagined? Have you ever truly seen what I look like? Or do you just want to turn me into what you’ve imagined again and again when your fantasy is torn apart?”
“People’s patience can be worn down continuously.” Jiang Huai finally looked up and saw the tears sliding down Luo Yueguan’s eyes.
He could only say those words when he wasn’t looking into Luo Yueguan’s eyes. But seeing her cry, he fell silent for a moment, then took out a handkerchief and brought it close to Luo Yueguan’s face.
Luo Yueguan turned her face away.
Jiang Huai approached again, and she turned her face away again.
After doing this twice, Jiang Huai still gently pressed the handkerchief against Luo Yueguan’s face, wiping away her tears. But her tears flowed continuously like a flood from a breached dam. Jiang Huai looked at the wet handkerchief and reached out to gently cup her face.
“I…” He fell silent for a moment and said softly, “I don’t mean to blame you. It’s understandable that you think this way, because you’re used to it. Habit is a terrible thing. It makes you make the safest choice when you’re flustered and uneasy, whether it’s right or wrong.”
“But if you’re in pain with the current situation, then even things you’re used to should be gradually changed. Of course, if you think your ideas are never wrong, then you don’t need to change anything… I can’t decide everything for you.”
Jiang Huai finished speaking.
He knew that he would soften when he saw Luo Yueguan’s tears, but he couldn’t be sure if he would still have the same patience after one, two, or three times.
“I… was wrong.”
Luo Yueguan’s voice was choked with sobs, her chest heaving and trembling as she spoke.
“I didn’t mean that you were wrong. You can do whatever you want. I don’t need you to follow my thoughts and become what I expect, it’s just… you can’t force me to follow your thoughts, can you?”
“I really know I was wrong…”
“Saying it like this doesn’t sound like you know.”
“I know.”
“Alright, alright, you know.”
“Can you not be angry…”
“I’m not angry.”
“Your tone was so fierce just now… I was scared…”
“Then I apologize. I’m sorry.”
“No… I don’t want you to apologize…” Luo Yueguan tilted her head up, the tears welling up in her eyes ceasing to fall. She gently bit her lips. “I won’t cry anymore.”
“If you feel wronged, crying is fine… Why do you have to hold it in?”
“I’m afraid you’ll find me annoying.”
“You won’t. You can cry if you want to.”
Jiang Huai spread his hands in a gesture of helplessness. Luo Yueguan was stunned for a moment, then threw herself into his arms, burying her face in his chest and sobbing. Jiang Huai reached out and gently patted her back, coaxing her softly for a long, long time, until his clothes were completely soaked with tears. Luo Yueguan finally stopped crying. She looked up, her eyes still red.
Jiang Huai lowered his head and quietly met her gaze.
After a long while, Luo Yueguan suddenly asked softly, “If I had said in the room just now that I wanted you to kiss me, would you have refused?”
Jiang Huai thought for a moment. “Probably not.”
“Then I want you to kiss me.”
“No, the opportunity has passed, so no kiss.”
Luo Yueguan’s small fists beat against his chest. “You just said you weren’t angry. You lied.”
“A little bit, but it’ll be fine in a while. So let’s talk about kissing next time.”
Luo Yueguan got up from Jiang Huai’s body, but this time she swept all the tea on the table aside. Then, she leaned her body over the tea table. Her beautiful buttocks under the purple dress were full and round. She looked back at Jiang Huai. “Then hit me, to vent your anger…”
“I’m not rewarding you.”
Luo Yueguan’s eyes became increasingly wronged.
A child who has done something wrong always wants to find some punishment to reassure herself. Jiang Huai looked at her wet eyes, picked up a soft ruler, and Luo Yueguan nervously closed her eyes. But the moment she closed her eyes, the panic and unease in her eyes seemed to disappear completely.
Jiang Huai lightly tapped her.
Luo Yueguan’s body trembled slightly.
In the past, she always liked to derive pleasure from pain. She had tried various kinds of pain, but this time, the soft ruler only lightly tapped once, yet her body became soft as if it were spring mud.
“I want more.” She gently bit her finger, her voice sweet and satisfied.
“Dream on.” Jiang Huai put away the soft ruler, stood up, and walked back to the room. “I’m going to take a nap. Wake me up when we arrive.”
“I want to sleep too.”
“Go back to your room and sleep.”
“Then rest your head on my legs… okay?”
“No.”
“Then I’ll pester you and not let you sleep.” Luo Yueguan leaned closer again, hugged his arm, her soft chest pressing hard against his arm, her lips pouted.
Like a piece of nougat that couldn’t be shaken off.
