Lightning and thunder raged outside.
The light in the room suddenly flickered out. Jiang Huai had already walked to Chu Xianning’s front.
The sound of rain became increasingly noisy. Chu Xianning still sat by the bedside, her waist held straight, like an ancient tree in the courtyard that would not bend, no matter how the wind and rain beat against it.
Jiang Huai slightly bent his waist and leaned closer to her.
The light was so dim that the two people could only distinguish each other by the faint light reflected in their eyeballs. Jiang Huai smelled Chu Xianning’s fragrance again. He heard the thumping sound of his heartbeat. Chu Xianning’s eyelashes trembled slightly.
She did not speak. Even when Jiang Huai said, “I’m going to kiss you,” she still remained silent, as if holding her breath and waiting for something. Yet, as Jiang Huai leaned closer, he asked again, “Can I kiss you?”
Jiang Huai had once heard a flawed argument: if you ask a girl you are still in an ambiguous relationship with if you can kiss her, it’s a major taboo. You should judge for yourself if the atmosphere is right for a kiss and then decide whether to go for it. Perhaps sometimes, the moment for a kiss could become unsuitable just because you asked the question.
But Jiang Huai wanted to ask. He wanted to hear Chu Xianning’s direct answer.
Chu Xianning’s lips moved slightly, her voice very soft, “If I say no, will you not kiss me?”
“Master must speak first to know.”
“I won’t say.” Chu Xianning shook her head.
“That means yes.”
“I didn’t say.”
“Master neither said yes nor no, so can I decide whether it’s okay?”
Jiang Huai’s words were, of course, flawed reasoning.
But Chu Xianning’s silence was equivalent to no refusal. So he got closer and closer. Because Chu Xianning was sitting, he needed to bend slightly. He got closer and closer until he touched Chu Xianning’s delicate pink, moist lips.
A light touch.
A kiss was, after all, just a simple touch. Chu Xianning sat still and did not move. Her breathing simply quickened slightly. She did not respond to Jiang Huai, nor did she avoid him. Yet, Jiang Huai became increasingly bold. He reached out and gently grasped her shoulder. “Chu Xianning, so cold.”
Chu Xianning turned her face away. “I let you kiss me… what else do you want?”
“So cold, so cold, so cold.” Jiang Huai leaned in again to kiss her lips. Chu Xianning still did not avoid him, but her heartbeat seemed to become increasingly restless.
When her lips were parted, she began to feel increasingly uneasy. Her slender fingers clenched the bedsheet tightly, and her body couldn’t help but tremble slightly. She instinctively wanted to escape, but her shoulder was held tightly by Jiang Huai, and she couldn’t break free no matter what.
Chu Xianning’s body was naturally slender. When Jiang Huai held her like this, he was exceptionally careful. He always had a strange feeling that if he wasn’t careful, Chu Xianning would be crushed by him.
“Why…”
Chu Xianning finally seized an opportunity, escaping slightly for a moment, and suddenly asked in a small voice.
“Why what?”
“Why… do you want to kiss?” Chu Xianning asked a strange question.
“Because if Master is willing, it means Master also likes me.”
“Kissing you… doesn’t necessarily mean liking you.”
“Then it means I haven’t kissed enough.”
“Kissing for a long time… might not be enough either.”
“Then let’s kiss for a very, very long time first.”
Chu Xianning’s body gradually became soft and weak, so much so that Jiang Huai was no longer standing. He sat down beside Chu Xianning, adjusted his posture, gently supported Chu Xianning’s back and head, and kissed her lips. Chu Xianning neither dodged nor evaded, but perhaps due to confusion and unease, she did not respond.
Jiang Huai did not remember how much time had passed. He only remembered feeling the softness of Chu Xianning’s lips for a long time, the sweet tenderness of her delicate pink tongue. Then, Chu Xianning finally pushed him away. She bit her lips and said in a slightly breathless tone, “Satisfied?”
“En?”
“No matter what it is… if you can’t get it, you’re disappointed; if you get it, you’re tired of it… it’s always like this.”
“I’m not tired of it. If Master is willing, I can kiss you all night.”
“I don’t want you to kiss me all night.” Chu Xianning turned her face away. “Have you kissed enough?”
“Not enough.”
“Not enough… but I won’t let you kiss anymore.” Chu Xianning’s fingertips quietly touched her cheek, which was already frighteningly hot.
The sound of the rain outside covered her rapid breathing. She felt as if she were gradually losing consciousness, unable to be as clear-headed as usual. Jiang Huai leaned in again. He reached out and gently cupped Chu Xianning’s face, his voice soft. “Master’s cheeks have become so hot.”
“No.”
“Okay, then no.” Jiang Huai leaned closer to her eyes again. “I want to kiss you a little longer.”
“Have I spoiled you too much…?”
“Precisely because Master indulges me time and time again, I am becoming more and more greedy and less and less restrained.”
While Jiang Huai was saying this, Chu Xianning grabbed his wrist and then bit his finger.
“It hurts!”
Jiang Huai looked at Chu Xianning with a wronged expression. But the room was pitch black, and Chu Xianning couldn’t see his grievance. After leaving a bite mark on his knuckle, she released her lips and said, “You should go back to sleep.”
“I probably won’t be able to sleep all night, so it doesn’t matter when I sleep.”
“But I want to sleep.” Chu Xianning muttered softly.
“Can Master sleep?”
“Yes.”
“Then Master sleep first. I’ll sit here for a while longer and leave after Master falls asleep.” Jiang Huai went to a chair nearby and sat down. In the darkness, there was a rustling sound. Chu Xianning returned to the bed and lay down, pulling the quilt tightly around her, only her head exposed.
The room was still pitch black, and nothing could be seen clearly.
Jiang Huai sat quietly, starting to think about what Chu Xianning had said earlier: many things are desired when unattainable, and tiresome when attained. The principle seemed right, but at this moment, he felt neither tired nor disappointed. If possible, he wanted to kiss Chu Xianning for a very, very long time. He wanted to light a lamp and see the charming look of Chu Xianning’s flushed cheeks, see the delicate pink water stains on her lips, and see her trembling body.
Chu Xianning was the irrepressible lust he yearned for but could not obtain. Jiang Huai sometimes wondered if, one day, when Chu Xianning finally agreed to him, finally stopped evading, and was willing to resist the long emptiness of life by his side, he would then feel disappointed after a burst of ecstasy.
The room was very quiet.
The sound of rain outside gradually weakened, and the world slowly became extremely quiet.
The hearts of the two people seemed to quiet down bit by bit.
Until Chu Xianning spoke, very, very softly, “Come here.”
Her voice became cold and aloof again, as if she were about to say something serious. So Jiang Huai stopped being playful, obediently stood up, and leaned close to the bedside. “What’s wrong?”
A section of a snow-white arm stretched out from the quilt. But the light in the room was too dim. It wasn’t until Chu Xianning lit a very dim firefly stone lamp by the bed that there was a slight glow.
Chu Xianning’s hand drilled out from under the quilt and hung in the air. She turned her face away and said in a very guilty voice, “I bit your finger just now. I’ll let you bite me now too.”
“That’s not necessary. I’m not that petty. If Master wants to bite…”
Chu Xianning’s eyes suddenly turned cold. Staring at him indifferently, Jiang Huai immediately shut his mouth, leaned in, hesitated for a moment, and gently bit Chu Xianning’s slender index finger.
Strange, her knuckle was slightly damp. Suddenly, a peculiar sweet taste bloomed on his taste buds, like dewdrops on morning flower petals, yet also like some spirit medicine that had grown for a hundred years. Jiang Huai trembled slightly.
“Why… is it wet…” Jiang Huai looked at Chu Xianning in front of him, puzzled.
“It’s none of your business.” Chu Xianning’s eyelashes trembled slightly. “Do you feel… does your body have any changes?”
“No.” Jiang Huai shook his head.
“Oh…”
Chu Xianning’s arm quickly retracted under the quilt, and her head followed. She wrapped herself tightly in the bedding, unwilling to look at Jiang Huai again.
“Why is Master hiding herself?”
“I suspect… you are lying to me, Jiang Huai.”
“How could I dare?”
“But the method you mentioned… sounds completely unreasonable.”
“Medical paths are often unreasonable.”
Chu Xianning clenched the quilt and struggled silently in the covers for a long, long time. Then, she slowly lifted the quilt and looked at Jiang Huai in front of her. “You… get on the bed.”
“To do what?” Jiang Huai was stunned.
But Chu Xianning just gave him a cold stare, and Jiang Huai dared not say another word.
He hesitated for a moment, then took off his shoes and lay down on Chu Xianning’s bed. Chu Xianning’s bed was quite large. The bedding and sheets were filled with her scent. The room still had only that extremely dim little lamp.
After Jiang Huai lay down obediently, Chu Xianning took a piece of white silk, asked him to raise his head, and then blindfolded him.
Darkness enveloped him. Jiang Huai’s heart began to pound.
No, no, no, no… He wasn’t ready… No… This is too sudden.
When Chu Xianning’s delicate snow-white buttocks sat on his chest, Jiang Huai felt his frantic heartbeat about to transmit to her through Chu Xianning’s skin. Chu Xianning seemed to be inching forward, yet her movement was as slow as a turtle’s.
Her palms rested gently on Jiang Huai’s chest. Several times, Jiang Huai wanted to say something but couldn’t. He seemed to guess what Chu Xianning wanted to do. He needed three times in total. The most difficult part was not the third time, but the first. Once the first time happens, there will be a second. But Jiang Huai always felt an indescribable uneasiness in his heart.
“You… you are not allowed to lie to me.” Chu Xianning’s voice trembled slightly, still carrying a hint of a sob.
That trace of a sob ignited Jiang Huai’s unease. He suddenly reached out, picked up Chu Xianning who was sitting beside him, carried her body to the side, and laid her down obediently. When Chu Xianning wanted to struggle, he held her slender body tightly. He leaned close to Chu Xianning’s face and whispered in her ear, “I don’t want Master to force herself.”
Chu Xianning’s body still trembled slightly. Tears clung to her eyelashes. After a long while, Jiang Huai heard Chu Xianning’s very, very soft voice, “I… I made this decision with great difficulty…”
“But Master is uneasy in her heart, isn’t she?” Jiang Huai said softly. “There’s plenty of time in the future. There will always be a way.”
“But…”
“No rush.” Jiang Huai said softly, gently patting Chu Xianning’s back. “There will be other ways.”
To Jiang Huai’s surprise, Chu Xianning’s body shrank slightly. She buried her face in his chest. Her body trembled like a little deer, and the tears in her eyes seemed to still be swirling. But Jiang Huai couldn’t guess why Chu Xianning was crying, so he could only gently pat her back, as if coaxing a child.
Until Chu Xianning was tired from crying in his arms and fell asleep.
Jiang Huai carefully, with extremely light movements, wiped away the tears on Chu Xianning’s cheeks and leaned down to kiss her forehead gently.
