I feel like I’ve been walking in the depths of darkness for a very long time…
That world was very comfortable…
I wanted to stay there forever. Because there, I wouldn’t have to suffer anymore…
But that is also over now.
Such a thing is not allowed.
Peace is not fitting for me.
I live for my “precious things.” I have clearly remembered that.
A warm light lit up in the deep darkness, and the world was exposed.
“—M-My, what a ferocious battle it was!! A fight where blood washed blood… a series of magnificent and beautiful techniques… undeniably a legendary match… However, from my perspective, it looked like a mutual destruction… the result is—!”
A voice that sounded like it was echoing could be heard.
A voice calling me.
A voice of concern.
A voice of expectation.
A voice of blessing.
Guided by various voices—
I felt the light and slowly opened my closed eyes.
There was the face of a beautiful girl peering into my face worriedly.
It seems she was cradling me with her lap. The light I felt in the darkness might have been hers.
“Did I end up destroying the ‘bracelet’ after all…? I had no room to spare, so it can’t be helped. How about it, Dia? Can you fix it somehow?”
“I think I can manage it. That’s good… there are no lingering abnormalities. I’ll purify every nook and cranny…!”
“R-Right. Do your best.”
As I tried to recall their names, a pain like my brain being sliced apart shot through me.
At the same time, unknown memories returned like a torrent.
“Ah, aah…—, Dia, Rustiara—?”
I remembered.
The girls’ names were Diablo Sis and Rustiara Fuziaze.
My companions.
The two people I couldn’t save when I tried to save them.
The two people I absolutely must not forget.
Dia was shedding a lot of sweat to recover me. She was using all her magic not only to heal my body but also to restore my mental state.
And then there was Rustiara. She was battered to the point of being unbearable to look at.
Her beautiful costume was torn to shreds, and her clear white skin was covered in countless wounds. The bruises and red blood were painful to see. What hurt me the most was seeing her beautiful long hair roughly chopped off and shortened.
Rustiara had her hand on her throat, casting healing magic on herself. I was the one who had crushed her throat.
“O-Kanami—no, Christ? Have you woken up?”
Rustiara’s beautiful voice was hoarse, a shadow of its former self.
That pained my heart greatly.
“R-Rustiara… that…”
“Ah, this? You don’t have to worry about it. It’ll heal. More importantly, have your memories returned properly?”
Upon being pointed out, I immediately dug into my memories.
Although the process was accompanied by intense pain, I examined the memories without hesitation.
The memories that had been stolen—from the time I first wandered into the labyrinth until my defeat by Palinkron—all of them were returning.
It was a strange sensation for the two fragmented memories to merge.
The feeling of the person “Christ Eurasia” and “Kanami Aikawa” coming together.
Finally, I got myself back.
But I got myself back—
“I-I’m back… I finally got it back… but—!!”
“How are the feelings?”
—Feelings?
The memories of “Christ Eurasia” were foolish and unbearable. But from the perspective of “Christ Eurasia,” “Kanami Aikawa” was even more foolish and unbearable.
That drove me to a scream.
“Ahhh, AHHHHHHHHH—! AHHH, ENOUGH—!!”
As I traced the memories of what “Kanami Aikawa” had done as “Christ Eurasia,” I could no longer bear it.
“I!! What, what have I done—!!”
At the beginning of my memories.
The moment I mistook Palinkron for my savior and met Maria, I couldn’t stand my own foolishness.
Scratching my head, I condemned my own foolishness.
“—Maria is my sister! Why didn’t I doubt it!? Why didn’t I realize!? Were my feelings for my sister only that little!? Ah, how pathetic!! To mistake the two of them, I’m so sorry to them! I’m so pathetic, I feel like I could cut myself open right now!!”
“Eh… you want to cut yourself open? I’d rather you didn’t, it’s troublesome to heal.”
Rustiara coolly brushed off my cry.
Still, the self-reflection was not over.
The memories of “Christ Eurasia” overflowed like a torrent, and at the same time, various emotions also overflowed. “Christ Eurasia” couldn’t forgive anything that “Kanami Aikawa” had done.
“And what’s this about Guild Master!! I’ve been careful to stay away from organizations, but to not only get involved but become the leader! If I’m just going to earn money, there are other ways, right!? Palinkron tricked me so easily! How gullible am I! Am I an idiot, am I an idiot!?”
“Ch-Christ isn’t an idiot! Compared to me, he’s much smarter!”
Dia, seeing my state, offered some words of support.
However, the more support I received now, the more pathetic I felt.
The journey through my memories moved on to my encounter with Snow.
But no matter which memory I recalled, it was so embarrassing that my face felt like it was on fire.
My mouth trembled, and a strange sound escaped.
“Thank you, Dia! But, no! I was completely useless! I told Dia not to show me her hand, yet I proudly used Dimensional Magic all over the place! And not just once, but everywhere! Was I trying to be praised by a cute girl? Or recognized by my new colleagues? If I know my power is abnormal, I should hide it better! Why don’t I understand that not restraining myself will attract unwanted attention!?”
“Ah, you are the lowest scum. Don’t worry. I’ll behead you after you cut open your belly.”
Sera was listening to my self-deprecation with a smile. She offered to behead me with a very pleasant smile.
“Thank you, Sera! But I still have a lot to reflect on! I was doing whatever I wanted, using my position as Laura Via’s Guild Master as an excuse! During the country’s request, I showed off my power as if it were mine, overshadowing Mr. Siddharuku. What was I trying to do?! Was I trying to get him to say I was amazing?! Did I want to be praised by everyone in Laura Via?! Ah, how pathetic!!”
“…Christ, let’s calm down a bit. No, seriously, let’s calm down.”
Rustiara’s voice was anxious. Faced with my unending cries, she seemed to realize something was seriously wrong.
However, I couldn’t stop. If I stopped, the pent-up emotions would explode within my heart. It felt like such an outpouring of emotion.
“Dungeon Exploration was also too sloppy! So sloppy! What the hell, going to the 30th floor like it’s a field trip, are you an idiot?! Listen to people more! You heard that the Guardian is ‘ a monstrous being that creates countless dead,’ right?! Why would you go alone?! You can just make another sword if it breaks! …Ah, I’m an idiot! I’m an idiot! Sorry, Dia, I’m definitely an idiot!!”
“I don’t think I have any credibility, but… C-calm down, Christ…”
Dia tried to soothe me nervously, glancing at the surrounding people.
However, if I calmed down now, the emotions I couldn’t vent would fester later. That was my premonition. The accumulated experience, amplified by the merged ‘memories,’ told me to spit it all out before it got worse.
So, I continued to scream.
“The Guardian on the 30th floor is a piece of cake?! I can beat Rowen even with a sword?! Winning the『Dance Battle Tournament』is a given?! There’s no way I’m weaker than Rustiara?! Ah, I’m so embarrassed! How overconfident can I be!!”
By this point, everyone was stunned into silence. My screams were picked up by the host’s microphone, likely reaching the entire venue.
The host, the audience, the Guild members who might be watching, the people I’d become friends with in Laura Via, my companions like Rustiara—everyone was listening to my frantic screams with their mouths agape, dumbfounded.
But I still couldn’t stop the torrent of emotions. Frankly, by being the Guild Master and participating in the『Dance Battle Tournament』, there was nothing left to hide.
Therefore, without shame or regard for appearances, I continued to scream. I had already gone too far in terms of shame, and my reputation was already in tatters. There was no point in worrying about it now.
“Saying I’ve never lost is a huge lie! I lost to Palinkron quite normally! And it was a complete defeat, ended with capture and brainwashing! It’s been one failure after another! Actually, has there ever been a success at all?! I couldn’t save Dia, Rustiara, Maria, Arti, or Mr. Hein! I couldn’t save anyone!!”
I was starting to lose track of what I was saying.
However, by spitting everything out, I could part ways with my former secrecy. —That was the strange logic somewhere in the back of my mind. So, the screaming continued.
“And why am I getting along with Rowen and Reaper?! Those are Monsters! They’re beings like Teeda and Arti! Why am I sleeping over and leisurely learning Swordsmanship from them?! We even registered for the tournament together!”
I was reconfirming my memories with Snow, Reaper, and Rowen.
This meant recalling those wonderful days. The dream of becoming happy in a distant Other World with my sister. Those days were filled with immense happiness.
There, my sister was smiling, and I had a trusted companion. I had become friends with the Guardian and Reaper, and as the country’s Guild Master, I was trusted by my companions and citizens…
In reality, my sister and I were separated, I had stolen my companion’s dream, and I couldn’t even save my companions. I had antagonized the Guardian and Maria, failing to build trust with anyone…
I had pretended my past failures never happened and fled into a false world.
“My response to Snow was too careless! Why didn’t I try to understand her worries! Because I had no interest in others, that’s why things turned out that way at the Dance Competition! I didn’t realize it until it happened! Even after it happened, I didn’t handle it properly! The subsequent Dragon Subjugation was full of awkwardness! Snow, Rowen, Reaper, everyone was strange! Everything! I was too late to realize! Too late!!”
Thus, the journey through memories gradually approached the present.
“The『Dance Battle Tournament』was also terrible! I was too careless even after the receptionist warned me so much! The match with Elmiraud was the worst of the worst! What was I thinking, getting drawn into confessing my love?! And in front of everyone! What good does it do to detonate myself just because I was irritated?! Why attack Elmiraud?! If I’m going to attack someone, it should be Palinkron! I never do anything right!”
I recalled what Kanami Aikawa had done and turned bright red, lamenting.
Among them, the match with Elmiraud was particularly special. I probably showed the most embarrassing side of my life.
“It’s because your will is weak that this happened! If I had been more firm in this match, it would have ended easily! There was no need to fight until it became like this! Rustiara’s hair and throat were fine! It was all because my heart was weak! Rustiara and Dia both suffered!!”
Then, I turned my eyes to the dire state of Rustiara and Dia, my face contorting.
Finally, the journey through my memories reached “Now.”
Self-deprecation was easy, but there was something more important than that.
I lowered my voice, calmed my heart that had poured out everything, and slowly apologized.
“But, finally… I finally arrived… I’m sorry, Rustiara… Even though I took you out of there, I couldn’t stay with you until the end… Dia also lost her arm because of me, and I put her in danger many times… I’m truly sorry…”
I apologized, my shoulders slumping, my face cast down.
After a long period of wailing, the heat finally subsided.
“Are you calming down now?”
“I’m calming down… I showed you an embarrassing side, but… I’m okay now…”
I calmly understood my current self.
I “gazed” at myself from a bird’s-eye view, first confirming my “condition.”
[Status]
Confusion 7.48, Mental Corruption 0.09
Most status ailments had been removed by Dia’s magic.
However, since “Seal” had disappeared and “Confusion” remained, I had to consider the danger of skill “???” persisting.
It probably didn’t activate during my emotional outburst because there was no danger of death. Rather, from a mental health perspective, it was likely judged as necessary.
My eyelids felt heavy.
I felt like I could fall asleep standing up.
However, sleeplessness was not reflected in my “condition.”
While I had many physical ailments, it seemed it didn’t tell me everything.
My MP was zero, but my HP was sufficiently left. However, I had already confirmed that physical strength and HP were different things. While the risk of death was low, the risk of becoming unable to move remained.
I clenched my fists repeatedly, gauging how much longer I could fight.
After all, depending on the situation, I might have to fight consecutive battles from now on.
I wanted to avoid that if possible, but I couldn’t afford to.
I had a feeling that if I slacked off here, the result would be the same as before.
Now that my memories had returned, I wouldn’t make the same mistake as on Christmas festival day.
I would never do it again. Absolutely not.
I confirmed my current situation and desperately continued to think about what was to come.
I couldn’t afford to dwell on sleeplessness or physical ailments.
This much was still mild. Compared to the despair on Christmas festival day, I still had plenty of room to spare.
It was agonizingly painful, but I wouldn’t die yet. I knew a worse state than this. I was still far from the worst of my life.
That experience would make me stronger.
I used all of my “Parallel Thinking” to re-evaluate my future action plan.
How could I avoid regret?
How could I overcome this?
I constructed that plan.
Then, I finally recalled my vow on Christmas festival day, took a deep breath, and slowly spoke my words.
“—I’m sorry for being uncool, but I think I’ll struggle even more uncoolly from here on. I won’t pretend anymore, nor will I run away. I’ve had enough of failing like that…!”
“…Welcome back. …I already know Christ is uncool, so you don’t need to worry about it?”
Rustiara seemed truly relieved and happy for my return.
Dia next to her also brightened up.
“Christ—! Finally, Christ is back!!”
She hugged me from the side, her eyes teary as she cheered.
I felt tears welling up too.
Emerging from a long darkness, facing this dazzling light, my eyes welled up.
However, this was not the time to wallow in emotion.
If what I was thinking was correct, I couldn’t afford to waste a single second.
I grabbed Dia’s shoulder, pulled back slightly, and looked her in the eye as I spoke.
“Wait, Dia. —First, there are things I want to ask of you and things I want to apologize for. It’s true that now that I’ve regained my memories, I’m the same person as the previous Christ Eurasia, but I want you to keep calling me Kanami as before. ‘Christ’ is a pseudonym, and Aikawa Uzunami was my true name. This time, I want you to call me ‘Kanami’ as the same ‘Kanami’ as ‘Christ,’ not as a separate ‘Kanami’ from ‘Christ.'”
“Huh, huh…? I don’t understand? You’re not ‘Christ’…?”
My explanation might have been a bit convoluted.
In my haste, I hadn’t considered Dia’s perspective.
I broke it down, and appealing to her gently, I tried again.
“It means I am both ‘Christ’ and ‘Kanami.’ Back then, I couldn’t believe anything, and I had no room to spare. That’s why I hid behind the name ‘Christ Eurasia.’ I know I lied and betrayed Dia’s trust. Nevertheless, please forgive me. I will never lie again. So—”
Dia listened to my words, stunned.
Perhaps for Dia, who valued promises and rules, the use of a false name was unacceptable. However, if I didn’t properly discuss the real Uzunami here, it would cause trouble later.
Trying to somehow get Dia to understand, I attempted to add more words.
However, Dia showed a reaction different from what I expected and began to confront Rustiara instead of me.
“—Hey, hey, Rustiara. Isn’t something strange?”
“Hm, what is?”
Dia frowned, but Rustiara was smiling.
“Rustiara, you said it, didn’t you? That when Christ’s memories returned, I would forget about when I was Kanami… But, it feels like you remember both memories perfectly…”
That’s not true. Both memories remain.
The innocent Dia was brilliantly deceived by Rustiara.
*What nonsense are you spouting, Rustiara…*
“Ah, that. I did say that, didn’t I? Sorry, Dia. That was a lie.”
“Wh-what!? A lie!? You, you tricked me, Rustiara! Because you said that, I endured wearing those clothes for you! All of it! Does Christ remember that!?”
“Yeah. Probably perfectly.”
Rustiara nodded with a big smile.
“Waaaaaaa—!!”
Then, Dia’s face turned bright red, and he started running away.
“Ah, don’t run! It’s really bad if we break apart here!”
“W-w-wait! I’m also in trouble! Stop moving, Dia!!”
I was also very flustered.
Fortunately, Dia’s physical abilities were low. Rustiara and I subdued him, and Rustiara made him lose consciousness.
As expected, the plan didn’t go as intended from the start.
As always, I failed at everything. I could only laugh.
As Rustiara and I took a relieved breath, Sera, who had released her beastification and returned to her human form, approached us, wrapped in a large coat, and stood beside us.
“Master Dia’s unconsciousness is stable. This is reassuring.”
“We’ll wake him up if he wants more firepower. Until then, let him sleep. Even when he wakes up, he’ll break anything I tell him to, won’t he, Kanami?”
Sera cradled Dia in her arms.
Hearing Rustiara’s assessment of Dia, my face twitched.
“Isn’t that just a dangerous kid… For some reason, I feel like Dia’s character has changed a bit while I wasn’t looking…”
“No, this is his true nature. Dia is a kid who tries to act cool for no reason. Especially in front of Christ, he was showing off, wasn’t he…”
Rustiara looked at the sleeping Dia with gentle eyes.
Those eyes were completely different from how Christ had looked at Dia in the past. They were eyes that truly understood Dia.
“I see… I didn’t understand Dia at all… No, I just didn’t try to understand…”
I had had many opportunities to understand. He might have told me about his past and his gender if I had pressed him.
At that time, I might have met the real Dia.
But I didn’t choose that.
In the beginning, I saw people from Another World like game NPCs.
That’s because I didn’t want to believe in this world—a world without my sister.
But now, it’s different.
I know that if I don’t believe, I can’t move forward.
When everything is over, Dia and I will reintroduce ourselves and meet again.
At that time, we will finally truly meet.
A solemn atmosphere filled the air.
Then, with the pause in the proceedings, the host, who had been observing, approached.
“Uh, um… I don’t really understand, but what happened with the ‘match’…?”
“Sorry, please be quiet for a moment.”
“Y-yes.”
I dismissed him coldly.
There was no time for idle chatter. Moreover, the anger I felt towards the host’s actions remained, even with my memories restored. I would never forget this resentment.
Rustiara also spoke, ignoring the host.
“So Kanami, what’s your plan now? Are you going to chase Palinkron immediately?”
“…Let’s finish the match first. …Rustiara, for now, lose.”
“…Eh, the match? No, what about Palinkron?”
Honestly, the Dance Battle Tournament match was insignificant to me.
I wanted to chase Palinkron right away.
Just the thought of him living freely filled me with anxiety. I wanted to settle this as quickly as possible.
However, that would be exactly what he wants.
If I don’t act according to the plan I just formulated, a fatal flaw will appear in the Dance Battle Tournament.
That flaw will surely prevent me from leaving the Allied Nations.
Snow, Reaper, Rowen.
These three would stand in my way.
Although I had no concrete proof, the “prison” created by Palinkron couldn’t be easy to escape.
To get out of that “prison,” I needed to move with the utmost care.
However, that plan—
“—I can’t say that.”
I mustn’t tell anyone.
What’s more, I mustn’t think about it too deeply.
There’s a possibility she’ll notice if I do either of those things.
If she notices, this plan will be over.
Given her personality, she’d sacrifice even Snow and Maria without hesitation.
She’s prepared for that.
The more time passes, the higher the chance of her noticing.
I need to proceed quickly and cautiously.
“Hmm…”
Rustiara looked displeased by the outright secrecy.
Perhaps she had intended to leave the Allied Nations immediately once my memory returned.
However, she calmly suppressed her displeasure and voiced her thoughts.
“I believe I should chase Palinkron right away. Defeating that Guardian doesn’t have to be done now. Rowen Aleis is obviously a kind-hearted person, so he shouldn’t cause any major trouble if left alone. But Palinkron is the opposite. The longer he’s left unattended, the worse things will become.”
“I understand. Palinkron is unforgivable. He’s an enemy we should pursue immediately. —That’s precisely why I don’t want to repeat the same mistake as last time with Arti. If things continue like this, it will be the same as that day.”
“What are you talking about—?”
Rustiara frowned at my words, which seemed to deflect from the core issue.
She was growing irritated by my contradictory statements.
But I wouldn’t back down.
“—Rustiara, please believe me. I also trust you, Rustiara.”
It’s not that I’m hiding things because I don’t trust you, unlike my past self. I’m saying nothing because I trust you.
Rustiara seemed to grasp that from my earnest plea.
Rustiara’s expression also turned serious, and she asked as if to confirm.
“…You’re telling me to lose, aren’t you? Can you even win if you fight me now?”
Rustiara’s body had been completely healed by recovery magic, and she still had plenty of magic power left.
In contrast, my body was so shaky it felt like I could collapse at any moment. My external injuries were gone, but both my stamina and magic power were depleted.
“The chances of winning are slim. That’s why I’m asking you, Rustiara. Let’s end the match for now.”
“For now? …Ah.”
As I repeated my strange phrasing, Rustiara finally seemed to notice something was off. She sensed who I was wary of and what I was hiding.
Rustiara nodded slightly and let out a fake sigh.
“…Haa.”
Then, with her usual smile, she shrugged her shoulders.
“I guess there’s no helping it. If Kanami insists this much, I suppose I’ll follow along. I don’t know what your plan is from here, but for now, I’ll lose this match.”
She then addressed the announcer, who had been observing the situation.
“Team Rustiara forfeits! They’ve agreed, so let’s count this as our loss.”
She conceded defeat so easily.
However, the announcer looked bewildered.
“Um, what happened to the battle for the ‘Symbol Drop’…?”
“…Ah, in that case, I believe mine broke first. But it’s true that they broke almost simultaneously, so we decided the outcome through discussion. And then, my team surrendered. Unfortunately, it’s our loss.”
“Eh, eh? You’re surrendering?”
“That’s right.”
“But you still look like you could fight…? Or rather, it was you, Rustiara, who healed Kanami—”
“Can’t you accept it when the parties involved say so? I determined that my team couldn’t win against Kanami. Therefore, we surrender. Is something wrong?”
Her tone was strong, almost threatening.
Pressured by Rustiara, the announcer nodded.
“Y-yes, I understand. …There are no problems. —The winner of the ‘Festival of the Allied Nations’ Knightly Dance Battle Tournament’ North Area West Area Semifinal match is Kanami Aikawa!”
The announcer’s voice echoed clearly throughout the entire venue.
This meant I had advanced to the finals.
This was the first step.
The seating area buzzed, and murmurs of discontent grew louder.
It seemed like a mutual knockout, but the outcome had been decided through discussion at some point. They must have felt thoroughly unsatisfied.
However, I apologize, but you’ll have to endure.
This ‘Dance Battle Tournament Semifinal’ is merely a prelude to me.
My true battle is about to begin, and I can’t afford to go all out here.
As the announcement of the match’s end resounded and the audience booed, I approached Rustiara and whispered.
“—Listen carefully to what I’m about to say, Rustiara. There’s something I need you to do to successfully get through the ‘Dance Battle Tournament’.”
I conveyed it slowly, carefully—and very vaguely.
I knew I was asking for something unreasonable.
However, Rustiara met my gaze with trust and listened silently, nodding.
I felt a sense of relief.
Rustiara, having regained herself, trusted me. I was overjoyed by that.
But this is no time to be lost in sentiment.
From now on, I must solidify my plans.
For the ‘Dance Battle Tournament.’
To win its true battle.
