“What… what is this! What is this!!”
Returning to my own room, I repeated the same line as Rustiara.
The lost emotions are rekindling from just a few minutes of interaction. Rustiara, whom I thought was a crazy person moments ago, now seems like an adorable girl.
As a result, I ended up having elementary-school-like exchanges. I had intended to confirm each other’s feelings more smartly.
As expected, I seem to like Rustiara.
Because of the skill “???”, I’m putting a stopper on my emotions, so I can’t be sure. However, I wouldn’t be this flustered if I didn’t have feelings for her.
Slowly, bit by bit, suspicion turns into certainty.
I recall Rustiara with a bright red face. Can I interpret that as her being embarrassed?
No, I have no choice but to interpret it that way. There’s no other interpretation. I want to interpret it that way.
In other words, this might be a mutual love.
In my short life, about 16 years.
This is the first time I’ve become mutual in love with a girl.
“—No, wait. Don’t rush things!”
I chide myself for getting carried away.
Back when I was in my original world, I’ve experienced being rushed and getting hurt.
I’ve had letters that I thought were love letters, then inexplicably no one would show up at the meeting spot. I’ve heard rumors that a girl I liked me, and when I spoke to her the next day, she absolutely hated me. The only Valentine’s chocolate I’ve ever received was from my sister. Of course, I’ve only ever spent Christmas with my sister.
Sweet things in this world aren’t that common.
There’s a possibility of misunderstanding. The possibility of building up expectations only to be let down in the end.
There are other problems as well.
First, Rustiara is 3 years old. It’s not a matter of being the same age or younger.
If I were to touch her, a 3-year-old child, it would be legally out in my world. It would be a crime worthy of being on the newspaper, not just impure companionship.
Even if I were to become romantically involved with Rustiara, I might not be able to return to my original world with my head held high. I might be treated like someone deceiving an innocent girl.
There are many points of concern.
But still, my heart doesn’t stop pounding.
The possibility of mutual love erases all my anxieties.
I wanted to share these feelings with someone. And I wanted to consult them.
I feel a surge of emotion, like before lights out on a school trip. I’m overcome with the urge to discuss love with someone. I want advice on what Rustiara thinks of me and what I should do from now on.
I just learned how foolish it is to solve things alone.
The idea of consultation is good.
However, unfortunately, I have no one to consult. There isn’t a single person of the same gender on this ship with whom I can talk like on the eve of lights out during a school trip.
“Damn… there’s no one…! No—!”
Dia might be okay.
Since Dia always claims to be a man, I feel like I can talk to her without reservation.
Besides, Dia has a proven track record. Thanks to consulting Dia on the eve of the Christmas festival, the retrieval of Rustiara was successful.
“—I’ll consult Dia!”
With conviction, I try to head towards Dia’s room.
However, my body won’t move.
“…Huh?”
Aris Family’s Treasure Sword Rowen, which hangs at my waist, glows.
The skill “Sensation” transcends “Reason” and predicts a future vision.
It was a “scene of me covered in blood, sinking with a burning ship.”
The skill “Sensation,” inherited from my best friend, told me that if I went that way, I would die.
The intuition of a swordsman who can feel the “Reason” of the world sensed “Death” even though it was a peaceful time.
“…”
Huh?
Am I going to die just for consulting? Even if I beat around the bush? Even then?
Even if I try to make excuses, the burning image won’t leave my mind.
My blood runs cold.
I can’t believe the skill “Sensation” would make a wrong judgment. Dying might be an exaggeration, but something bad will definitely happen to me. I have that much trust in this skill.
“…I-I think I’ll stop.”
For some reason, an image of Rowen breaking out in a cold sweat comes to mind.
I abandon the idea of consulting Dia and ponder.
I feel my plans falling apart.
The ideal plan was—to have my feelings successfully conveyed to Rustiara after receiving advice, for us to be happily united, receive blessings from Maria and Snow, and have all my worries resolved—. Although there are many flaws, this was the general flow I was aiming for.
However, I tripped right at the start.
I have no choice but to move to the next best plan.
In that case, I have to confess like a man right now.
It’s best not to overthink these things and let them drag on.
Frankly, I’m not confident in my current feelings. I know my romantic feelings are vague compared to before. However, it shouldn’t be bad to gamble on my lost emotions and tell Rustiara the truth. She might understand and accept everything. I have that much of a feeling that I can expect so.
I imagine myself in a romantic relationship with Rustiara.
Just thinking about it makes my heart pound.
—But, at the same time, the skill “???” is aggressively creeping up on me.
I hurriedly pour ice on my emotions, barely managing to prevent its activation.
The skill “???”, which has saved my life countless times, said that if I go that way, I will die.
“…”
I see…
So, even confessing will lead to death…
It seems that any further intensification of my emotions is within the range of the skill “???” activation.
I’ve seen the boundary line for this skill regarding romance. It seems that any affection strong enough to move towards an action like confessing is out.
In the end, I’m told I’ll die no matter which way I turn, and I become unable to move.
I freeze in an awkward posture, unable to take a single step.
I never thought the ship, with no enemies aboard, would be so full of danger. I expected a little, but it’s far beyond my predictions.
If this continues, I won’t be able to resolve anything.
I’ll have to continue the ship journey amidst the intense emotions of Maria and Snow.
My senses are unusually sharp. “Dimension” and “Sensation” combined will allow me to keenly perceive their affections. However, I’ll remain unable to reciprocate those feelings.
If I continue living like this, I’ll eventually get an ulcer.
Let’s try predicting with “Parallel Thinking.”
The current situation is like a third-rate romance drama. If it continues like this, I’ll be the villain who uses girls for dungeon exploration. If this were a melodrama filled with love and hate, I’d probably end up stabbed to death in the end.
Even if it’s not a melodrama, the fate of those who are two-timing isn’t usually good.
Only horrifying scenes flood my mind.
As a result of integrating my experience and knowledge—”Parallel Thinking,” the culmination of my battles up to today, says I’ll die even if things continue like this.
Apparently, I’ll die either way.
“…W-what am I supposed to do?”
I break out in a cold sweat.
Thanks to my capable skills, I’ve avoided the worst, but I now know that a death like being strangled with silk thread awaits if things continue like this.
I stand frozen.
But there’s no solution.
I remain standing alone, not lying on my bed.
At that moment, an angel of salvation appears.
“—Big Brother, you’ve held on well. If you move with light intentions now, you’ll really die, you know? Like, being stabbed right through the back— or maybe not. You might not even leave a shred of flesh.”
A grim reaper with a wry smile enters the room.
“Reaper!”
With tears welling up in my eyes, I welcome him with the widest smile I’ve ever had.
“First of all, absolutely do not go to Dia-oneechan. She’s repeating your name in her sleep, you know? With a full smile. And you’re thinking of going to talk to her about other girls. No, seriously, Big Brother, you’ll die.”
Reaper speaks while deploying “Dimension,” making a mumbling sound. It seems he’s currently observing Dia’s sleeping face.
“Don’t keep saying I’ll die… It’s not funny right now…”
“Yes, it’s not a joke. Listen? Dia-oneechan likes you, so you absolutely must not consult her.”
“…W-well, you! You say that so clearly!”
Reaper mercilessly blocks my escape route.
I feel more seeds of worry being thrown at me, and myself being surrounded by death.
“Don’t you realize it too, big brother? I hate it when you lie to yourself like that. Since I hate it, you hate it too, right?”
Reaper scolds me as I lament.”Ah… I’m sorry. I’m always learning things from you, Reaper…”
I knew this was coming.
Dia, after losing ‘Christ,’ had lost her mental balance. The fact that she was hallucinating showed just how much Dia depended on ‘Christ’ – more than I imagined.
With no memories, I went on a date with Dia.
Wearing a cute dress, Dia smiled like any other girl. We watched a play, ate, and during that time, she never let go of my hand.
I could tell without relying on skills like intuitive ‘Sensation’ or deductive ‘Parallel Thinking.’
Dia liked me.
And she harbored feelings for me in a most distorted way.
If I admitted it, I wouldn’t be able to seek advice from Dia anymore.
The innocent and reliable boy, Dia, that remained in me would disappear.
And so, I had to face another reality as well.
I couldn’t imagine that Dia, who had revealed murderous intent at every opportunity, would bless me for being with someone else. The same went for Maria and Snow, who likely harbored equally twisted emotions. If those girls were the type to give up so easily, they wouldn’t have ended up like this.
My skills agreed. Such a sweet story was “impossible.”
“Big brother. You absolutely must not tell anyone that you like or dislike anyone. Upsetting the current balance would lead to terrible consequences. Even a child would understand that?”
“You think so too…?”
It seemed obvious even from an objective perspective.
“One way or another, I’ve connected with you older sisters before. I understand the general situation. Based on that, I’ll tell you this: no one will be able to accept the fact that you’re with someone else. Without a doubt.”
“But everyone should have overcome their trials and become stronger… They should fight reality with strong hearts…! I want to believe that…!”
I pleaded, as if clinging to hope.
“Do you really think so?”
Logical ‘Parallel Thinking’ and ‘Sensation,’ my close friend, shook their heads.
The skill of unknown origin, ‘???,’ also shook its head in a friendly manner for once.
“I… I *want* to believe so… I want to believe it…!”
The more I spoke, the less confident I became.
My trauma resurfaced, and my legs were already trembling.
“Snow also said this, but people don’t just become strong, big brother. Even if everyone appears to have changed on the surface, they hide intense passions deep inside. …Even I do. I still haven’t come to terms with my feelings about parting with Rowen.”
Reaper used herself as an example to explain the harsh reality: a single successful persuasion wouldn’t completely change a person.
“Reaper…”
In essence, I was the one who had taken Rowen’s life. I had nothing to say.
“…In any case, this ship is being held together by the thinnest of balances, more than you think. Be careful, okay? After putting on such a show when you parted with Rowen, to then reunite with your best friend, who was stabbed by a woman, in the afterlife just a few days later… that would be too much for Rowen.”
“Right. I won’t tell anyone… or rather, I can’t…”
“—Right. Or, you could just marry everyone. It’s one or the other!”
“Wait.”
I stopped her at a word I couldn’t ignore. My exaggerated motion, despite being unable to move an inch, froze me in a strange pose.
“All or nothing…! This way, it’ll be fine!”
“No, wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait. What do you mean, ‘marry everyone’?”
“Exactly as I said. You’ll take all of your older sisters. You did it, big brother. It’s a harem.”
My childhood friend, whom I thought of like a younger sister, said something absurd with innocent eyes.
Who was it? Who taught my Reaper about harems…! I’ll go with Rowen and beat them up!
“No, no one would accept that, right? And don’t say ‘take them in’.”
“Hmm, I think it’ll be fine? Snow and Maria have high possessiveness, but if you spoil them with all your might, they’ll probably agree.”
“Impossible… Is polygamy common in the Allied Nations…?”
“There are quite a few countries in the Allied Nations that allow polygamy. It’s particularly common among wealthy merchants and aristocrats.”
“I-I see. Another World is amazing…”
I was overwhelmed by the culture of this Other World.
Reaper tilted her head, asking, “Another World?” but brushed it off, saying, “I’ll tell you tomorrow.”
However, I didn’t think Reaper’s words were entirely wrong. I analyzed my companions using the ‘Parallel Thinking’ skill. They reacted excessively to being abandoned or left out. When they were burning with jealousy, it often seemed to stem from being neglected.
Therefore, with the guarantee that I would never abandon them and would treat them equally, they might be satisfied. If I were to execute this, as Reaper said, I would have to respond flexibly and spoil those who began to show signs of gloom. —However, this was a logically calculated approach. I doubted it would work.
…The more I thought about it, the more I felt like I was becoming a base person. I felt like I was falling to a place where a person shouldn’t fall.
The kind of bad endings that are common in soap operas were repeatedly playing out in my mind.
Not yet.
There had to be a way to avoid that ending…!
“Damn it. I’m agonizing over the most pathetic things…!”
“It’s your fault, big brother. It’s the fate of womanizers.”
“What’s with the harem and womanizer talk? Where did you learn those words…! Just tell me, I’ll go have a little chat with them.”
“Y-you look scary, big brother…? It’s not a specific person. It was when I connected with the citizens of Laura Via. Various pieces of knowledge poured in, and my mind is actually in chaos.”
“Ah, I see. That’s why…”
Slightly disappointed that my outlet for frustration was gone.
“And that collection of knowledge tells me: Big brother is a charmer. Furthermore, a terrible charmer who won’t die a proper death…! To avoid that, a harem is the only way…!”
“I want to sue for defamation, but I can’t refute it at all because I know it’s true…!”
“Be careful, big brother. Honestly, from now on, your journey is constantly fraught with the danger of death. Not from Palinkron or Monsters, but from dangers related to your older sisters!”
“Right, more dangerous than Palinkron, huh… And it’ll be like this continuously…?”
“But you have so many skills to sense danger beforehand, big brother. You’ll probably be fine. You did it!”
Just imagining it deepened my trauma. I felt like lately, instead of overcoming it, it was worsening. The fact that they could easily create hell with their power fueled my negative imagination.
“I-if I say I like everyone like family, will that work…?”
“Hmm, I wonder? I’m sure everyone’s faces will get really gloomy. After that, I can only see a future where frustration builds up gradually and then explodes.”
“To me, it’s the greatest expression of love…”
“To you, it is… But no, it’s normal to want to be in a romantic relationship as lovers, not family.”
“So, Reaper, are you saying I should realize this ‘polygamy’ if I don’t want to die…?”
“Yes, I recommend it. Everyone will be happy.”
“It clearly seems like nothing but a painful, difficult path…”
“Yes, for you, big brother. But everyone else is happy.”
“Don’t you think I should be included in that ‘everyone’?”
“No. It’s your fault for extending yourself this far. Just obediently take everyone in.”
“I told you not to say ‘take them in’… What do you even think of them…?”
“I was raised on your memories and emotions, so… I probably think the same way you do? Still, should I say it?”
“No, I think it’s fine.”
If I heard it, my resolve would break.
Thinking that, I politely refused.
And so, I considered the polygamy that Reaper strongly recommended.
In my world, looking back at history, it appeared frequently. For a man living in modern society, it would be a dream-like situation. However, what’s important here is the *reason* for polygamy’s existence. The meaning changes drastically depending on that reason.
This wasn’t monogamy for me, but monogamy for them.
It’s not a pleasant thing like a harem. It’s something more grotesque.
“No. It’s no good after all.”
I intended to go back to my original world. What excuse would I give my sister then?
I couldn’t possibly say, “Polygyny was normal in another world, so I took many brides.”
I’m Japanese, and Japan doesn’t recognize polygamy. I have every reason to refuse it.
More importantly, I long for a normal romance.
Pure love, like in a first-class drama, is my ideal.
Yet, I don’t want to be thrown into something more terrifying than a grave disguised as a harem, without ever having experienced a proper love.
As if controlled by someone, I speak the words.
“I will absolutely pursue pure love… Everyone should marry their one true soulmate…”
“Oh?”
A disinterest response came back.
Reaper looked at me with the eyes of someone watching a pig try to climb a tree.
He thought I couldn’t do it.
“I will absolutely not allow polygamy! Absolutely!”
“O-Okay, I get it… So, if you’re not doing the harem thing, what are you going to do now?”
Reaper was a little taken aback by my desperation.
I reconsidered the different path I should take from now on.
It’s probably impossible to confess my feelings to Rustiara anymore.
When I thought about it, confessing was out of the question from the start.
Even if the confession were successful, destruction awaited me. If we could confirm each other’s feelings and start dating, our love would grow day by day. And the more time we spent together, the more I would fall for her, and then—
—I would lose my affection alone due to Skill ‘???’ Leaving Rustiara behind.
No matter how much I controlled my emotions, the result would be the same. A divergence in feelings with Rustiara was unavoidable.
Only Rustiara’s emotions would grow, while I remained cold.
Such a thing couldn’t be called a proper romance. I couldn’t call it pure love, even if my mouth were torn open.
It was bound to fail.
Even if it succeeded, it would be a slow and sinful romance dominated by Skill ‘???’.
I don’t want to do such a thing to someone I love, precisely because I love them.
“For now, I’ll stop confessing. Come to think of it, I’ve only been with Rustiara for about a week. If I think about it calmly, I realize there’s no point in rushing. I think I was just overwrought and a little confused.”
Talking with Maria, Snow, and Rustiara consecutively about serious matters was a mistake. I realize my head was boiling from being cornered.
I laugh with a dry voice.
Reaper also smiles sadly.
“Yeah. I’m glad you’ve calmed down.”
“At least, I want to observe the situation until I can be sure of my own feelings.”
“That’s right. Let’s wait a little longer. Until Brother reunites with his sister… or at least after we defeat Palinkron Legacy.”
“Ah…”
—Until Skill ‘???’ is gone.
“From tomorrow, we’ll do as we’ve always done. Is that okay?”
“Ah, I guess that’s the only way…”
I’ve finished sorting out my own problems.
None of my skills try to stop me now that I’ve calmed down.
I take the first step into a new life.
Fearing death, I shamefully take a safe first step.
Then, Reaper twitches like a cat. It seems he saw something in the ‘Dimension’ he had expanded.
“What’s wrong?”
“Sister Rustiara is heading this way…”
Suppressing my quickening heartbeat, I ask about Rustiara’s condition.
“She was flustered at the bow just a moment ago. But now she’s composed. It seems she’s calmed down too.”
“Is that so? That’s good.”
It seems I can have a calm conversation with Rustiara before things get more complicated.
“Then, I’m leaving.”
Reaper, being considerate, tries to leave the room.
I’m grateful for his concern.
“Reaper… I’m sorry for troubling you. I was saved…”
“It’s fine. Brother and I are best friends, aren’t we?”
My best friend said coolly that words weren’t necessary.
As usual, he’s acting beyond his one year of age.
“Yeah, we’re best friends. Thank you.”
“Heehee. That’s all I need. I’m so happy just with that.”
When I call him my best friend in return, Reaper rejoices with an uninhibited smile.
Then, he says, “See ya!” and leaves through the window.
He probably avoided running into Rustiara coming from the entrance, but I wish he wouldn’t use the window as an entrance. It makes me question my common sense as a guardian.
As I ponder things a parent might worry about regarding a child’s education, Rustiara arrives.
Rustiara calls out from outside the door.
I try to maintain my composure and invite her in.
Rustiara opens the door with a slightly awkward movement and enters.
Then, with a restless appearance, she keeps moving her mouth.
“Um, well, Kanami…”
Her face has lost its redness from having her head cooled by the wind.
Mine too. I was chilled by various threats.
“—That just surprised me, so don’t misunderstand!!”
“Oh, y-yes.”
In the end, Rustiara couldn’t choose her words carefully and resorted to shouting.
Startled by her sudden shout, I reflexively nod.
“I was trying to do something a bit like a hero’s tale, but got caught up in the situation! My bad…! That situation was unfair, too unfair! So it’s annulled! Annulled!!”
Rustiara repeats, as if convincing herself. No, maybe not just herself. She seems to be making excuses to her close friend, Maria.
“I understand… I was also thinking of annulling it…”
I agree with Rustiara’s opinion. —I have no choice but to.
“Yeah, annulled! Well, it was certainly a reference for a hero’s tale… But it’s not something to do lightly. I’ve reflected on it.”
“I’m glad if it was even a little helpful…”
I weakly reply to Rustiara, who is dejectedly hanging her head.
“It was wrong of me to deceive Kanami, who has no memories, and demand it… I regret it greatly…”
“If you think so, please refrain from doing it in the future…”
“Yeah, I won’t do it again. This is the end. The end, end, end!”
Rustiara tries to switch her feelings by voicing it.
I, too, play along and act as if what just happened never happened.
—Thus, we choose an even harsher path.
Having firmly switched my mindset, I bring up a completely different topic.
“—Hey, Rustiara.”
“Hm, what?”
“Until now, only you knew my background. I’m thinking of stopping hiding it.”
“Background?”
“That I came from another world.”
Originally, if I had bravely told Maria, we had a promise that I could hear Rustiara’s secret.
However, I made a mistake in the order and learned Rustiara’s secret. I must fulfill our promise immediately.
“Ah, that. Come to think of it, only I know, huh… Ugh, I feel guilty again…”
I feel nothing but guilt.
I want Rustiara to endure it too.
“…Actually, there are various other things I’m hiding. Like skills and magic.”
“Ah, I knew it? Kanami, you have a lot of suspicious abilities. I thought so.”
“I intend to reveal all of them to everyone on this occasion.”
“Oh, nice. I want to hear about it in detail.”
“I’ll gather everyone tomorrow morning to talk, so could you tell them to gather when you see them?”
“Yeah, got it. Leave it to me.”
As usual, we talk as companions.
On the surface, it seems like things have returned to normal.
However, my heart is uneasy, as if I’m deceiving girls for self-preservation. No, not as if. It’s the literal truth.
Reaper’s words weigh on me.
It’s fine if relationships get complicated. But if I hear people will die, it’s a different story.
This is the only way.
And then, Rustiara and I part ways with cheerful expressions.
After watching Rustiara leave the room, I stumble and fall onto the bed.
The end of the first day of my new beginning arrived with the greatest self-loathing I’ve ever experienced.
And the protagonist, lectured by a one-year-old girl.
