She grabs both of my cheeks with her hands, her gaze filled with confusion.
“I know this is wrong. Nevertheless, I want to take everything from Lord Uzunami. Right here, right now…”
Her two dark eyes reflect only me, filled with an almost deranged intensity. I understand that Nosfy needs me from the bottom of her heart. However, I couldn’t easily agree.
As if to escape, I reconfirm her desire.
“If you get that proof of the contract, will you be satisfied? Do you truly believe you can resolve your lingering regrets? I’m sorry, but I don’t think so at all…”
“I can’t think of anything else now.”
She replies instantly, as if blocking my escape route. Her unwavering conviction leaves me speechless again.
“…!”
I am the only one wavering. This wavering, like during battle, accelerates and continues to spin in my mind.
If I give her everything she desires now, there’s a possibility that the trial of the 60th floor will end. That’s not a bad outcome for me. It’s appealing, and very easy.
However, my reason rejects it. First and foremost, this is not “the right thing.” Of course, it’s practically akin to rape. Legally and humanely, it’s beyond the pale. Nosfy understands this, not just me. This means she is asking for “the wrong thing” with full knowledge. Honestly, I don’t feel like her lingering regrets will be truly resolved from that point. Indeed, in this unreasonable world, perhaps doing “the right thing” only leads to unhappiness, and choosing “the wrong thing” might lead to happiness. But will she be satisfied with what she gains by making such a mistake? Won’t it only create more regret? My questions are endless.
There are more reasons to refuse. Frankly, I don’t believe this act is Nosfy’s lingering regret. I can picture Nosfy muttering “this is also wrong” again after everything is over. My intuition, not just the skill “Sensation,” tells me so. I don’t think a guardian would disappear with something this simple. I believe this girl desires something much different.
However, confirming each point by saying “this is also wrong” might be the only way to reach the resolution of Nosfy’s regrets.
…If that’s the case, should I go along with what she says, knowing it’s “the wrong thing”? Or should I deny her wish based on it being “the wrong thing”?
Ah… I can’t shake off my indecision. I can’t pinpoint the correct answer.
The skill “Parallel Thinking” is lost, and I can no longer split my thoughts, but my mind continues to accelerate endlessly. I calmly calculate the gains and losses to win this battle. The sensation of searching for the “best” outcome is the same domain as when I was in a life-or-death struggle with a guardian. My nerves feel like they’re burning, just like before. My face contorts naturally from the pain.
Whether to accept Nosfy’s demand or not. Wavering, wavering, wavering, continuing to waver…
—At the end of that wavering, the faces of my companions flashed in my mind.
First, my sister, Hidaki’s face—then Dia, Maria, Snow, Reaper, Sera—various benefactors I had helped in another world—and finally, Rustiara—
—Yes, Rustiara.
At the furthest edge of my thoughts, the girl with golden eyes, her shining long hair fluttering, was there. She looked up at me as if from below and smiled. My heart rate quickens. My body trembles, and goosebumps prick my cheeks. A burning passion surges from the pit of my stomach. Even though Rustiara isn’t here, I instinctively turn my face away. I avert my eyes, not wanting even an imagined version of her to see my current situation.
…I had known it from the beginning. She was the reason I couldn’t accept the word “bride” for Nosfy. Rationally, it would have been best to use my position as “husband” to utilize Nosfy, the guardian. Doing so would have sped up my return to the surface by more than half.
However, I couldn’t do it. The reason is very simple. I liked another girl. That’s all there is to it. That’s why I couldn’t acknowledge us as a married couple, not even with a lie. It was a childish reason, that’s all.
The moment I understood that, I threw away everything I had agonizingly thought about—rational thoughts and calculations of profit and loss—and words spilled out of my mouth without my conscious control.
“N-No… I absolutely cannot do that, no matter what…!”
Still facing away, I force out the words. My heated body feels like it’s cooling down with a chill of regret. I denied the girl who wasn’t here, prioritizing her over the girl lamenting her misfortune before me. I feel like I’m about to be torn apart by guilt.
However, I can’t take back what I’ve said. I’ve already made my choice. I can imagine Nosfy’s face contorting. I can foresee a future where she cries sadly. If, in the end, it leads to a battle with her, it will be my responsibility.
I brace myself, ready to react to anything, and turn my face forward from where I had been averted. I steel myself to accept any scolding from Nosfy—
“—Huh?”
However, my resolve proves to be in vain. What greets my eyes is the exact opposite of what I expected. Nosfy’s face is not contorted in sadness. The girl before me has her eyes wide open, a smirk stretching across her lips as she smiles. She looks surprised and delighted, as if she’s encountered unexpected good fortune.
And the biggest change is her “Magic Power.” It visibly decreases. Nosfy’s body is becoming transparent. I know this phenomenon. It’s what happens when a guardian fulfills her lingering regrets. Because her heart’s desires are no longer unfulfilled, it becomes difficult for her to maintain her physical form. She grows so transparent that it seems as if her very existence is fading from the world…
“N-, Nosfy… your body…”
Confused by this sudden phenomenon, I point at Nosfy’s body.
“—Ah, yes. W-What’s wrong with my body?”
Nosfy, who had been blankly smiling, snaps back to reality. She brings her hands before her eyes and notices the change in her own body.
“Eh… my body is becoming transparent…? Is this the resolution of my lingering regrets…?”
It seems Nosfy also knows the meaning of this phenomenon. She understands that a part of her life’s grand wish has been fulfilled, here and now. Her eyes widen further in surprise, but Nosfy begins to contemplate quietly. She’s probably thinking about the true nature of her unfulfilled desire. Anyone would do the same. Something she thought she could never reach has suddenly appeared. It’s natural for a person to seek the cause.
And when she realizes the cause, Nosfy laughs even harder.
“…Ah.”
She laughs, as if at something utterly ridiculous. She bursts into loud laughter, like one who has given up, with a face unfitting her demure demeanor.
“Ah, ahahaha!”
She has understood her lingering regret—and is laughing at it. No, ‘laughing’ is too mild an expression. It’s a distorted sound. She is looking down on something, “sneering” from the bottom of her heart.
“Nosfy…? Have your lingering regrets truly vanished now…?”
I had a half-certainty, but I ask hesitantly.
“Ahaha. Yes, not all of them, but it seems so. And finally, I can see it. My true lingering regret, its real ‘nature’.”
Nosfy nods with a bright, clear face.
—Even though I denied her wish? It’s natural for me to think that.
“B-But… why… at this timing…”
“I wanted to believe it wasn’t like this… Well, it is what it is…”
Nosfy continues to nod to herself with deep conviction. But I cannot nod. Nosfy attacked me, but it was still an attempt. I haven’t made a mistake. Yet, to have her lingering regrets so easily fulfilled when she insisted that making a mistake was her regret feels unnatural.
To appease my lack of understanding, Nosfy continues her explanation.
“It seems, Lord Uzunami, that for me, ‘making a mistake’ meant ‘denying the current right’. Yes, I only needed to ‘deny’ it…”
“Making a mistake” and “denying the right.” I don’t feel a significant difference between the two. I can vaguely grasp that the past is more important than the future.
Nosfy’s explanation ends. She seems to believe she has explained everything. Leaving me still full of questions, she looks up at the sky and sneers again.
“Ufufu, ufufufu, ah, ahahahaha—! That I, who am like this, am called a ‘Saintess’ or an ‘Idol’, or a ‘Banner’, or a ‘Spirit’—it’s truly laughable. It’s a grand laugh, isn’t it, ahahahaha—!!”
She sneers, sneers, and continues to sneer. Honestly—it’s a unsettling sight. But she laughs so contentedly that I hesitate to stop her. However, I know I need to understand her inner feelings. Tremblingly, I interrupt her laughter and speak to her.
“N-Now, Nosfy. In the end, what was your true lingering regret? Can you explain it more clearly, so I can understand…?”
“…Mm. Fufu, to put it briefly, I probably wanted my selfish desires heard.”
Nosfy turns to me and thinks for a moment. Then, with a cat-like expression, she begins to explain at length.
“I’ve lived my life never once asking for anything for myself… so it seems I just wanted to vent my frustrations. It’s so simple it’s almost anticlimactic, isn’t it? Fufufu.”
That sounds plausible. If so, it would explain why her body suddenly became transparent. However, I couldn’t believe it immediately. Her initial suspiciousness had multiplied many times over.
“Um, so you mean…”
“I said my selfish wish to Lord Uzunami, and I was able to relieve some of the weariness of my life. Thanks to that, my body became transparent… um, so I apologize, Lord Uzunami. The need for a proof of contract was a complete misunderstanding. My wish was to ‘say my selfish words’, yes, that’s all.”
At that moment, the rod of light that had blocked my retreat disappears. At least, she no longer seems intent on forcibly exchanging vows. In other words, her lingering regret wasn’t so significant that it required her to use magic to restrain me. It was a much, much more trivial wish. I wonder if this Nosfy will also disappear so easily, just like that Rowan. Really…?
“Just to say my selfish words is enough…?”
“Just to say them. Therefore, there’s no need to fulfill them. It seems enough for me to just say them.”
If there’s no need to even fulfill them, that’s an incredibly easy lingering regret. Of course, she must have gone through much suffering to be honest with herself. However, hearing that this would end the battle with the 60 guardians was something I simply couldn’t believe. So, I offer my cooperation to eliminate her lingering regrets perfectly without letting my guard down.
“…No, don’t misunderstand, Nosfy. It’s not that I don’t want to hear your selfish requests. While I couldn’t do it this time, I’m willing to grant you any small selfish wish.”
“Fufu, how kind you are.”
Nosfy smiles upon hearing that. It’s a smile I never saw yesterday. It resembles the innocent smile of a child who holds no reservations.
“Then, kind Lord Uzunami, I shall accept your offer.”
And then, smiling like a cat again, she approaches me with fluid movements and tries to take my hand. My heightened senses catch the start of her movement. However, with no magic or hostility present, I couldn’t push her hand away.
“—I have a selfish request. If you would, could you please make my ‘friend’, Lord, better? I’m not asking you to persuade her. Please return her to how she was before yesterday.”
“Lord? Is that all?”
As she tightly grips my hand, I feel a bit taken aback. Her selfish request is pure and impossible to refuse.
“Ideally, I’d like to make up with Lord. Because, Lord and I are ‘friends’!”
“That should be fine. I’ll cheer up Lord and help you reconcile.”
“Fufu, thank you. You are truly kind, Lord Uzunami. Fufu, ah, ahahaha—!”
Nosfy continues to laugh, her selfish wish granted. Her exuberance is like someone who has reached the pinnacle of life’s happiness.
“You… seem to be enjoying yourself… No, it’s like you’ve found the answer to your life, so I understand why you’d be like this, but…”
“Fufufu, ah, I apologize. However, now that I know this is my lingering regret, I can’t help but laugh.”
“Indeed, holding back isn’t good… You should say what you want to say, and laugh when you want to laugh, but—”
—But there’s a limit. When she changes so drastically, almost 180 degrees, it leaves me bewildered.
“Yes. Therefore, I intend to live the rest of my life with every selfish desire I have, however small… Fufu, ah, it’s so good. I’m so glad I met Lord and you. Meeting you two before anyone else made everything fall into place. The fact that the three of us are gathered here, at this place, in this position—I feel it’s fate! Yes, this is fate! Thanks to you two, I’ve come to understand my true self!”
With that, Nosfy lets go of my hand and heads for the door. She seems truly satisfied. Her steps are light, as if she’s about to skip. Before opening the door to leave, Nosfy looks back.
“Ah, Liner is wrapped up and left in the corridor, so please retrieve him. I think it would get complicated if I spoke to him, so could you please tell him that I apologized?”
I wondered why Liner wasn’t anywhere in the room. It turns out he was apparently thrown outside.
“Ah, understood…”
“Then, please do. —Please, truly.”
She urges me twice, as if to emphasize. Then, she looks up at the sky and mutters.
“I won’t hold back anymore. Because, I’ve finally become an adult who can be like a child—”
Is she talking to herself? Or to someone else entirely? I don’t know that right now. With those words, Nosfy disappears. The silence befitting the late night returns to the room, and the darkness of the night deepens.
“Haa…”
I’m overcome with a feeling like the aftermath of a storm. My sleepiness has vanished completely. After taking a single breath to rest, I open my clear eyes and step out through the open door, through which a cold night breeze is entering. Nosfy is no longer anywhere in the corridor. Only Liner, tied up with magical ropes in a corner, lies there. The moment I spot him, all restraints, including the gag, are released. Liner, regaining his freedom, stands up, takes a deep breath through his mouth, and shouts.
“—Th-That woman! Are you alright, Christ?! Did she do anything to you?!”
“I’m fine. We just talked a bit.”
“Hah?! She—she gagged me and tied me up just to talk?!”
Raging, Liner flares his magic. He looks like he’s about to chase after Nosfy, who has just left. But I add a follow-up, feeling that catching up to Nosfy now would only lead to her defeating him again.
“…It was an important conversation regarding her life. She probably didn’t want any interruptions, no matter what. She did apologize, though.”
“An important conversation about her life? …Tch, if she’d said so, she should have.”
Knowing the true identity of the guardian, Liner falls silent, understanding the importance of the conversation.
“So, after talking it over, we found out Nosfy’s lingering regret was ‘saying her selfish words’. Apparently, she’s never said anything selfish in her life…”
“…Selfish words? Hmm, selfish words. So, what kind of selfish words did she say?”
The first thing that comes to mind is the intimacy after being restrained. Her wish for a proof of contract. However, there’s no point in saying that. I decide to simply explain the last part.
“She said she couldn’t do it herself, so instead, she wanted me to cheer up Lord. So, I plan to go see Lord again in the morning.”
“Cheer up Lord… Well, I don’t particularly oppose that. —But, Christ. Do you truly believe that ‘saying selfish words’ is her lingering regret? Honestly, I find everything Nosfy says to be incredibly suspicious. Frankly, aren’t they all lies?”
Liner says clearly what I had been hesitant to voice. I understand. Nosfy is strange in many ways now. I feel unpredictable anxiety. She might not just be an obstacle to returning to the surface, but a threat to my life. Liner’s fear of that possibility mirrors my own from a little while ago. It’s the same as when I kept doubting the guardian and monster, “The One Who Steals the Logic of Fire.” So, I shake my head, as if to my past self.
“Just a little longer… Please, let me believe her just a little longer…”
I still think about it sometimes. What if—what if I hadn’t run away from Arti’s wish back then, and had faced it seriously? To confirm that, I decided to grant Nosfy’s selfish wish. Besides, Nosfy’s wish to “cheer up Lord” does not conflict with my goal of heading to the surface. While I’m certainly not at ease now, it’s not something that’s absolutely impossible. I also wanted to cheer up Lord. If this will make the two of them quiet down, it’s worth a try. However, there’s also the possibility that Nosfy has seen through the very edge of what I can attempt…
As if sensing my thoughts, Liner sighs and nods.
“…Haa, alright. If the master says so, then it is the duty of a knight to follow silently. I’ll observe for a little longer.”
“Thank you, Liner.”
After our conversation, we return to my room from the chilly corridor. Along the way, I lightly spread “Dimension” and search for the girl in question.
“Cheer up Lord, huh…”
Lord remains in the storage room, curled up asleep within the shattered painting. Her snores are so innocent. I lie down on the sofa, curling up just like Lord. Then, I close my eyes. My remaining fatigue must be significant, as I lose consciousness almost immediately. Liner, sleeping in the next bed, is the same.
And so, the day finally ends. I resolve to grant Nosfy’s wish and cheer up Lord tomorrow—and sink back into darkness once more.
…Unfortunately, this time, I couldn’t have dreams. The chance to recall the past, which was likely very important, is gone forever. I’m filled with anxiety, fearing that it will lead to great regret later.
