Another Side
“Well then, I’m off,”
“Yes, have a good day.”
Suella watched Jiro, who was heading to work, from the entrance. She tried to act as usual, but she couldn’t help but feel a little disheartened. Jiro’s expression as he left the house, trying to put on a brave face but looking a little lonely and worried, told the story.
“…”
Perhaps it was because she had asked for some time, but Jiro hadn’t asked about his promotion to general since then, and he was waiting for Suella to make her decision. After he left for work, she tried to act as naturally as always.
“What am I doing…”
Leaning against the wall, Suella blamed herself in a voice that lacked the usual vigor.
It was just Suella, Himik, and the children at home now, so there was no one to see her. After seeing off Evia, then Memoria, and finally Jiro, Suella embraced the quiet time she was finally starting to get used to. The absence of anyone beside her made her realize that she was overthinking things.
“…”
Suella released her body, which felt a little sluggish from not sleeping as well as she had hoped for the past few days, and returned to the living room, still burdened by her unresolved worries. Even there, her thoughts were consumed by Jiro’s promotion. She was caught in a cycle of figuring out what to do.
She made an effort not to slack off on childcare, but in other areas, she was absent-minded. Her heart lamented that she didn’t know what to do, torn between the desire to support him and the anxiety of what awaited after that support. However, she also felt that it would be wrong to ask him to stop. Knowing Jiro’s feelings, Suella found herself caught in the middle. She didn’t know what to do, and her thoughts spun in a hopeless circle. She had grown weaker. She thought that if she were the Suella from before she had children, she would have been able to come to a clear decision. As she thought this, a self-deprecating smile naturally appeared on her lips.
“Are you alright?”
Himik spoke to Suella, who was lost in thought.
“No, I’m not alright.”
Himik, carrying Yukiera, appeared, and Suella conveyed her feelings honestly. She gently picked up Sachiera, who had been sleeping in the crib, and felt her warmth.
“I see.”
Himik considered offering some advice but, unable to fully grasp Suella’s feelings, pondered what to do. Himik intended to remain neutral, even if she tried to divide Jiro’s situation into good or bad. Considering all the risks and benefits, she believed that whatever path Jiro chose was fine. That’s precisely why she couldn’t support or deny Suella’s feelings, who had misinterpreted this promotion as a bad turn and was now in conflict with Jiro.
“Take your time to think. The Master also understands your feelings and is willing to wait.”
“Yes, I know.”
Suella felt a nagging frustration that she could only deflect with platitudes. Despite not having much time, Jiro hadn’t rushed Suella for an answer. Suella understood the meaning behind his attitude. If Suella didn’t give an answer, Jiro might even give up on challenging for the general’s position. She tried to dismiss the faint hope that perhaps that would be for the best, and as she was wondering how to spend the day, the doorbell rang.
“Hm? Who could it be this early in the morning?”
They weren’t expecting any visitors, so Suella and Himik exchanged glances. After confirming that there were no scheduled guests, Himik gently laid Yukiera back in the crib and headed for the entrance. Leaving the visitor to Himik, Suella went to see the children.
“Heh, unlike me, you’re full of energy.”
With Himik no longer there to entertain her, Yukiera seemed a little disgruntled. But with a flick of her wrist and the summoning of a spirit, she smiled with satisfaction. Seeing the children like this brought Suella a little peace of mind and eased her mood, but the problem remained unsolved. Should she support Jiro’s path, or wish for him to stop? It was a simple choice between two options. Yet, for Suella, this choice was not easy. If it were the old Suella, from when she first met Jiro, she would have rejoiced. But for Suella, who had fallen in love, known love, and even had children, the mere mention of danger to Jiro made her hesitate.
“Haa.”
A sigh escaped her lips uncontrollably. Ideally, she should choose to celebrate, but she couldn’t genuinely be happy. She understood the reason why.
“What should I do?”
She gently reached out her hand to the children, and their small fingers were grasped by even smaller hands. Feebly and delicately, the grip of small lives held her. They reminded her that she had brought life into the world at the cost of her own life. Her beloved children.
“Wow, you look pretty bad, Suella.”
A bright voice reached Suella’s back as she worried in front of her children.
“Keiri!”
“Good morning! You don’t look too well.”
When Suella turned around, her best friend was there, giving a casual wave in her casual clothes. Behind her was Himik.
“But you should be at work today.”
“Ah well, I can’t go against my boss’s orders. It’s time to forcibly use my paid leave.”
Ordinarily, she should be working right now. Yet, she had come to see Suella.
“Evia-?”
“You guessed right! So, Himik-san, here’s a souvenir.”
“Cake, thank you. Would you like something to drink?”
“Coffee, and maybe something light to eat? I actually skipped breakfast.”
“Hmm, I see. Alright. Wait a moment.”
Keiri, who acted with a lightheartedness that seemed unchanged from her usual demeanor, even in Suella’s eyes, handed the white box she held in one hand to Himik and requested breakfast in return. Having seen this scene many times before, Suella found herself accepting it before she could even scold her. Keiri, who was so unapologetically straightforward with those close to her, was a free spirit. Himik didn’t blame her and immediately headed for the kitchen to fulfill Keiri’s request.
And then.
“Alright, alright, let’s have Keiri-san resolve the feelings of the troubled Suella!”
Perhaps it was because it was Keiri, that Suella might be able to pour out her feelings, which she couldn’t tell Jiro. Keiri, who had come closer to the crib, seemed to be recognized by the children as a new playmate. Perhaps it was because Yukiera and Sachiera welcomed her that Suella let her guard down.
“…”
She hesitated for a moment, but Suella, who wanted to talk to someone, began to speak in fragments.
“Hmm, hmm. Well, I had a rough idea, but if I sum it up, you’re upset because you can’t be genuinely happy about Jiro-kun’s promotion, right?”
“Yes.”
Suella continued to confide her current feelings to Keiri, who was close to her among women. She wanted to support Jiro’s challenge for the general’s position, but she couldn’t support it, considering the dangers involved in the process and after achieving his goal. She felt she had spoken at length about this, mixed with her personal feelings. Keiri, who had simply listened, took a bite of the cold coffee and hot sandwich that Himik had prepared unnoticed. After swallowing.
“Why don’t you just tell him not to become a general?”
Casually, as if she hadn’t thought it through, Keiri made a simple suggestion to Suella.
“That’s!”
Because of that, Suella, angered by Keiri’s suggestion, which seemed to block Jiro’s path, raised her voice, even though the children were nearby.
“Hey, hey, don’t shout so loudly with the children here.”
As expected, Yukiera was startled and started crying, and Sachiera began to cry in response. Suella quickly picked up Yukiera and then tried to pick up Sachiera, but before she could, a hand gently reached out and picked up Sachiera.
“You were surprised, weren’t you? I’m sorry.”
It was Keiri. With practiced ease, she even summoned a spirit and began to soothe Sachiera.
“Oh, you look surprised. That’s a shame. I may look the way I do, but I like children, you know? When I was in the village, I used to soothe babies this young.”
Suella was surprised by this side of her best friend, which she had never seen before. Keiri, like a mischievous child who had succeeded, showed Sachiera, who had stopped crying, as if to say, “See how great I am?” Feeling foolish for raising her voice, Suella’s shoulders relaxed, and she began to soothe Yukiera.
“Hey, Suella.”
“Yes?”
Into the space, where for a moment only the children’s voices could be heard, Keiri interjected her own voice. Suella replied in a calmer voice than before.
“Talk to Jiro-kun. Tell him how you feel. He’s a bit clumsy, but he’s not the type to ignore what you say, is he?”
“Yes, that’s right.”
Then, Keiri spoke casually as if to help Suella sort out her feelings.
“…I’m selfish, you know.”
“I know. I know you’re a selfish woman despite your appearance.”
As Suella uttered this remark, Keiri laughed casually, as if joking, and urged Suella to continue, adding, “How many years have we been friends?”
“I want to be happy when I hear that Jiro-san can become a general.”
“Well, if you think about it normally, it’s like marrying into wealth. Ordinary people becoming top executives of a country in just a few years. It’s like a fairy tale.”
“But… when I think about these children…”
“You’re worried?”
“Yes.”
“Well, that’s natural. Unlike in the past, you’re not just responsible for yourself. The current you has the role of a mother to these children.”
From Keiri’s perspective, Suella seemed to have already reached a conclusion. However, given her position, she was hesitant to choose that answer. Keiri wondered if she should push her further, or hold back.
“Well, from my perspective, it’s fine to just feel lucky that your husband is getting promoted.”
“Huh?”
Not at all. Keiri was the type to push forward irresponsibly and forcefully.
“You’ve always overthought things, moped around, and ended up not making any decisions, which led you to be swayed by others’ opinions, and then regret it later. That’s why you always end up getting stuck with the difficult roles, even though you’re capable.”
While holding Sachiera, Keiri relentlessly and mercilessly speared Suella’s heart with their past failures, using them as examples.
“You acted like you weren’t interested in men, but as soon as you met someone, you went all in. Before, you acted like you were all about work, but when you met Jiro-kun, you turned into a maiden. It’s sickeningly sweet. And now you’re moping around, worrying like a married woman? Are you taunting me, who is single?”
Keiri’s words gradually turned into a complaint and finally became a complete vent.
“What are you unhappy about? Your personality isn’t bad. Your salary is good, you have military power, you have connections not only with Evia-sama but several generals, and the Demon Lord favors you. You don’t get arrogant about it, you like children, and you value your family. It’s not a bonus, but you also have connections with merchants who are among the top one or two on the continent. Thanks to the material support you provided after the recent war disaster, you’ve gained the trust of nobles, albeit mostly lower-ranking ones. Of course, there are some envious people because you achieved so much so quickly, but that’s how it is for anyone who rises so fast. Furthermore, you have Himik-san, a Seraph who is excellent at cooking, handles household chores, and is perfect as a bodyguard.”
After spewing it all out, Keiri wondered what more Suella could possibly want.
“When you have all this, it’s unlike you to stop and overthink things. You’re not the type to think ‘what if,’ are you? You’re the type to think ‘I have to do something’ before anything else.”
She cut through Suella’s worries with a sharp, decisive blow, as if to say, “What will be, will be.”
“As a couple, because you have children, you’re not so weak as to stop for such reasons. At least, the Suella I know would have had the drive to consider Jiro-kun’s feelings, impose her own selfishness, and pursue her ideals. Right? Your mother wasn’t weak, was she?”
She asked Sachiera for agreement, but Sachiera, unable to understand her words, could only give a puzzled “Uh?” look.
“Oh dear, it’s still too early, is it?”
“She’s not even a year old, what are you asking her?”
Suella felt as though she had been pushed forward by that attitude, and she offered a wry smile, as if utterly exasperated. She felt a sense of inevitability, as if her best friend, who knew her better than she knew herself, had finally pushed her in the right direction.
“You seem to be back to your usual self.”
“Yes. An meddlesome person pushed me forward, forcing me to move.”
“Be grateful. That meddlesome person is using her valuable paid leave.”
Suella’s mood changed drastically. Keiri, sensing this shift, thought that the time for moping around was over. From here on, she wouldn’t need to push any further. She would resolve it on her own. Keiri had a vague sense that Suella needed to accept her situation, which she had gathered after hearing the details from Evia. That’s why she had said so many unsparing, selfish things.
“Well, since I have something to discuss, I’ll take a bit more of that holiday time.”
“You’ve started now, so I suppose it’s fine. But this favor will cost you dearly.”
“That’s true. We’ll bill Jiro-san for the time you spent worrying.”
“Oh, that’s a good idea!”
Suella, realizing this, felt grateful in her heart to her best friend who had unraveled her overthinking and rigid mind. Whether Keiri knew it or not.
“Besides, wouldn’t it be more beneficial if he gets promoted and earns a lot to pay you back?”
Keiri plotted to let her best friend be even more selfish.
Another Side End
A word for today:
It’s better to talk to someone you can confide in than to suffer alone.
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