To be honest, I hesitated about whether to tell Katsu about Midori.
Although it was a short period, Katsu and she were lovers.
I could see from the outside that they had special feelings for each other.
And as someone who watched their relationship unfold, I regret that I was the one who saw her through to the end, and I’m also angry at Midori for why it had to be me.
But not telling Katsu about her ending was the one choice I couldn’t make.
“…\So, Midori-san.”
“Yeah, she was true to herself until the very end.”
That’s why I went to Katsu’s room on my own two feet to bring things to a close.
Normally Katsu comes to my room, so it felt quite refreshing to head over to his place, but to my surprise, I hesitated when I was about to press the intercom. I even let out a self-deprecating laugh.
Realizing how much Midori had been weighing on my mind, I gently pressed the intercom. Seeing Katsu’s eyes widen in surprise when he opened the door and saw me holding up my hand slightly, I felt a little lighter.
After entering Katsu’s house, I was led to his room, not the living room. I was offered a warm cup of cocoa, and just as I took a sip.
“So, what’s up? It’s unusual for Minami to come over.”
Katsu was ready to listen, even if he didn’t know what I was going to say.
It was convenient for me to be asked about my business.
“I’ve finished looking into what you asked me about Midori.”
Thanks to that, I was able to bring up Midori’s topic smoothly.
Seeing me revert to my old way of speaking, not my usual samurai speech, Katsu straightened up and sat down facing me.
Well, even though I started the conversation with a heavy tone, there wasn’t much to say.
That she was brainwashed, and that nothing of Midori was left for Katsu at the end.
After saying that, if I told him their relationship was over, that would be the end of it.
A bird doesn’t foul its own nest.
Midori’s story ended with such a clean break.
“That’s all I could see and know.”
I waited for Katsu’s response after explaining that the woman who had caused so much trouble was no longer the same person.
“…\So, Midori-san wasn’t here anymore.”
His reaction was calmer than I had imagined.
Katsu murmured a single, lonely word and then gazed at the surface of his cocoa, lost in thought.
Seeing him like that, it would be wrong to think he seemed surprisingly alright.
“Katsu.”
“Yeah?”
This child is good at enduring. No, he believes that enduring is natural when something painful happens.
He tries to swallow his pain and ends up holding onto unresolvable feelings inside.
He’s been doing that. That’s why it’s necessary for him to release those feelings.
It’s not for nothing that we’ve been childhood friends for so long.
“Come here.”
Sorry, Kitamiya, but I’m going to use my childhood friend privilege.
Usually, I’m the one who leans on others, but this is a rare occasion, almost as rare as the Olympics.
“When you’re hurting, you have to say you’re hurting. I always tell you that, don’t I? You have to say it like that. You’ll break if you don’t.”
As a woman, I have to comfort a man.
I raised my hands slowly, opening my arms as if inviting him to hug me.
Usually, Katsu would admonish me for being silly.
“…”
The fact that Midori had passed away, and that I was speaking more seriously than usual, caused Katsu’s stoic emotions to break.
Whether it was his pride as a man or his emotions hadn’t caught up yet, Katsu practically leaped into my chest. But instead of crying out, he let out muffled sobs.
But that’s fine.
He just needs to let it out slowly.
I gently hugged him and slowly stroked his head.
My clumsy childhood friend has so few ways to express his sadness, it’s a problem.
“…\You’re lonely, aren’t you.”
So I asked.
Katsu nodded through his tears, looking his age.
“…\It’s sad, isn’t it.”
And then, he was finally able to be spoiled like a boy.
A broken heart, his mother’s disappearance, and the denial of his paternal blood.
Katsu’s young heart, burdened by all these incidents, tried to become an adult to protect himself.
But you can’t become an adult instantly just by trying.
You can’t become an adult without slowly growing and gaining experience.
However, if he didn’t become an adult, Katsu’s heart wouldn’t have endured.
That’s why I made him mistakenly believe he had become an adult by asking him for something.
You don’t have to be a fake adult anymore.
Just remember the heart of a boy slowly.
Time has passed since then, and Katsu’s emotional scars have probably scabbed over.
There may still be wounds that ache.
“…\Yes, it’s okay to cry now.”
This parting with Midori might also leave a big scar on Katsu.
He hugged me tightly, and the boy’s heart, shedding tears, was trying to be an adult by force, which was terribly distorted.
But you know, Katsu.
People become adults by accumulating such experiences.
It might be difficult.
It might be painful.
You might want to turn away.
It’s okay to run away, to cry, to stop, to scream that it’s tough.
But don’t deny those feelings.
Those feelings can become the trigger for extending kindness when you cherish something.
Ah, can you hear me, Midori.
I still despise you, you know.
Why did you make Katsu cry?
You could have made Katsu smile more easily, couldn’t you? You could have handled things more skillfully and reached an ending where no one was sad.
You, who were good at surprising others, what are you being surprised by?
Because of you, there’s a sad person here.
While projecting these feelings, my hand continued to stroke Katsu’s head.
I’ll stay like this until his tears stop.
“Let’s cry, Katsu. Right now, ‘we’ need it.”
The strength of his hug increased, and it was a little painful, but I could tell how much sadness Katsu was holding.
Ah, I understood Katsu’s feelings so painfully.
A draft of cold air blew into the gaping hole in my chest, making it chillingly cold.
That became loneliness, tightening its grip on our hearts.
“!”
Katsu’s crying grew louder, and I gently hugged his head to prevent it from escaping.
Hey, Midori.
“…”
I may not have shown it in front of you, and I disliked you, but I also feel sad that you’re gone.
And a tear I let fall without Katsu noticing.
You called me your sister, didn’t you?
I won’t deny those last words.
I disliked you too, but.
There were many times I thought having an older sister was this troublesome.
Not being accepted by my family, being compared to you, and experiencing many unpleasant things, but the time I spent with you and Katsu together wasn’t as bad as I thought.
Rather, at that time, it was my place.
With Midori gone, I’ve been with Katsu continuously, but somewhere in my heart, I was waiting for that time to come again.
To realize that at this moment.
A smile crept onto my lips beneath my faint tears.
I had already sent my farewell.
But to not forget that time that will never come again, I hugged Katsu a little tighter.
We held each other and cried in the quiet space where only Katsu and I were present.
How long did that time last?
“Hey, Katsu.”
“…”
Gradually, my tears subsided, and my heart felt a little lighter.
Katsu’s sobs in my arms quieted down, and as time slowly passed.
“You’re not going anywhere, are you, Katsu.”
My voice, crying out my loneliness in my heart, refused to deceive my emotions and, pushed by an unseen force to not hide these words, escaped.
“Yeah.”
To my words, Katsu nodded while hugging me.
“So don’t you go anywhere either.”
Then, his weakening grip tightened again, conveying unspoken words that he wouldn’t let go.
“If you leave too, what will I do?”
“…\Yeah.”
Katsu is probably most afraid of losing someone.
And I’m too, not far behind him, afraid of losing someone.
The more time I want to cherish, the more terrifying is the backlash when I lose it.
Knowing this, even while attending university, Katsu was the only person I formed a deep relationship with, regardless of gender.
That has changed.
Leader, no, Jiro-san, Kitamiya, Kaido-san, Amy (chan).
At first, I related to them as work colleagues, but before I knew it, they had become important people among us…
Suella-san, Memoria-san, Himik-san, and Evia-san.
People from another world I became friends with through my connection with Jiro-san.
Instructor, President, Shiik-san and Miik-san, Amili-san.
The moment I thought I could create a place for myself, my important people also expanded.
But even though they have increased, it still hurts if even a part of them is missing.
This pain is not something I want to experience repeatedly, and I never get used to it, no matter how many times I go through it.
“That’s right. In that case, I’ll be with you until the very end.”
However, it is precisely because we know this pain that we can cherish someone.
So, take courage here.
“Minami?”
Since I said words that sounded like a confession, there was no turning back.
Katsu, who seemed puzzled by my loosening hug, tried to lift his tear-streaked face and look at me.
Here, some intuition flashed through my mind.
“I like you, Katsu.”
Carried away by the momentum, I gently pressed my lips to Katsu’s.
“!”
Katsu’s eyes widened, and I, relieved, was there.
I managed to avoid common mistakes like banging teeth or choking when kissing.
There was no confusion about when to pull away. In my mind, I counted slowly to three, and then gently parted my lips…
“You, what, huh!?”
Katsu stood there, his face bright red and confused.
“Hehehe, I did it, gozaru.”
And my face was probably bright red too.
It was a mix of sadness and overflowing affection. My samurai speech, meant to cover my embarrassment, lacked its usual sharpness.
He was embarrassedly scratching his head, but I couldn’t pull away from him due to the sense of accomplishment.
“Um, well, it’s, like, that, you see, and what I want you to not misunderstand is that it wasn’t to comfort you, but rather, um, well. I, I genuinely, like, you.”
Ah, it’s no use.
I’m too embarrassed, and I can’t organize my thoughts at all.
I desperately tried to muster my thoughts to convey only the fact that I liked him, but now that it felt like an impulsive act, everything became an afterthought.
“Ah! That’s it!! For now!! I, Shiretoko Min, liked Katsu as a romantic partner, gozaru!! Underage, childhood friend trope, hooray for gozaru!! What of it!?”
Even though it was about myself, it might have been the worst confession in my life, a definite black mark in my history.
“What’s that?”
But even though it was such a terrible confession, Katsu stared blankly for a moment, and then.
He let out a small laugh as if amused.
“It’s a confession that suits you.”
Katsu, who evaluated my confession as fitting, then.
“Yeah, I like you too.”
He looked me straight in the eye and said he liked me.
All I could think was that my chest felt like it would burst with joy.
“But, I have one complaint.”
“A complaint?”
Just as I was about to make a victory pose, Katsu blushed and turned his face away apologetically.
“It was too sudden. Idiot.”
Towards the end, Katsu’s voice became smaller, and he desperately chose his words.
“Woohoo, were you that happy about me confessing?”
I teasingly teased my adorably embarrassed childhood friend.
“Yeah, what of it? I always thought you didn’t see me as a man.”
Instead of denying it vehemently with embarrassment like usual, Katsu, while shy, spoke honestly.
His attitude caught me off guard.
And then, I realized for the first time that my unrequited love wasn’t so unrequited, and I thought to myself, “I’m quite dense.”
“By the way, did you know you’re quite popular, Katsu?”
Feeling a little apologetic towards Kitamiya for the impulsive confession, I said this to lay the groundwork for Kitamiya’s future.
“Huh? No way?”
“Fufu, whether it’s true or not, you’ll find out in the future~ We’ll end the talk about this here, for now, I’m the proud winner~”
Katsu looked like he wanted to ask “Is that so?” again, so I hugged him and savored the reward for having mustered my courage.
“A word for today
What happened afterwards? That’s a maiden’s secret, gozaru.
Thank you for your usual comments and指摘 of typos.
If you enjoyed it, please leave your comments, ratings, and bookmarks.
Currently, I have another work
“Pandora Pandemic Panic” – The Pandora’s Box has been opened again, but we’re fighting back with various things in our secret base!
is being serialized! Please check it out as well!
