It’s not surprising that discussing romance in a dangerous zone amidst chaos would make one seem like a lunatic.
However, I rationalized that it was necessary for Eshlee’s mental stability in this peculiar environment, and somehow, we ended up talking about my own love life.
In a way, my romantic experiences might have been filled with enough encounters and interactions to be a story, but I found it far more embarrassing than I expected to talk about my own romantic history.
So, I shifted the topic towards Eshlee.
“…My preferences?”
That was her reaction the moment I asked about her romantic preferences. She had been listing all the things about dating a demon that were unacceptable, so when I asked if there was anything she hoped for, she began to trouble over it with a voice like confusion from behind me.
“Hey, hey, surely you have something, like being cool, or having a high income, or being kind?”
I once heard on a TV show that men have narrow preferences for the opposite sex, while women have broad preferences. I had fully expected her to list a variety of conditions.
But when it came down to it, she was struggling to answer.
“No, it doesn’t matter if they have good looks but a vile inside. Appearance fades, and money doesn’t matter if a man sees women as mere objects. Kindness is just a facade; I don’t know what they’re thinking behind it.”
“What happened in your life?”
Eventually, she began to mouth her darkness as if spewing out her dark history. I wanted to turn back, but I didn’t think a good future awaited me if I did, so I pretended to focus on our movement, continuing the conversation.
“Will you listen to me? No, please listen to me. No, listen.”
“Even if you become emotionally unstable, at least maintain the barrier. If you die because of this, it would be so pathetic that I’d surely appear as a ghost to curse you.”
Seeing Eshlee revealing her emotional instability, I swore in my heart that if she died in an accident because the barrier broke, I would definitely curse my fellow passengers. This thought suggests I still had some room to spare.
It was with such detached speculation in mind that I intended to continue the conversation.
“I won’t do that. At the very least, I need to have someone listen to this story.”
“No, don’t forget our original objective.”
Eshlee pressed me to listen to her complaints no matter what. I thought this might be why she was falling behind, but if I spoke my mind, I felt a premonition that I would be swallowed by chaos, so I kept it to myself.
“More importantly…”
“You genuinely haven’t forgotten our original objective, have you?”
“I haven’t forgotten, so please listen. Due to my position as a Saintess, I have many opportunities to interact with nobles and wealthy merchants. They are, well, beautiful, gorgeously dressed, and have wealth.”
“Those are the kind of people that women in the world would call excellent prospects.”
“That’s just their public face. Their true faces are horrific. They engage with women from among the common people, yet refuse to take responsibility, and worse, speak ill of the women who become pregnant. When I worked at the church, how many women did I console? Their methods are clever. They skillfully promise future status, making women giddy, intoxicating them with fleeting futures, and then discarding them when they are no longer needed, over and over. I have seen such men.”
Eshlee, having seen only harsh realities, seemed to have witnessed the darkness of nobles to the point where one might call her a distrustful of men. She began to dismiss men, as if to say, “Don’t all men live by their lower halves?”
Ironically, I’m a man too. She began lamenting about men, to the extent that I thought she had forgotten my gender. If it gives her strength, then so be it.
“She’s really holding it all in, isn’t she?”
“…”
I wondered if it was okay for Valse-san to hear all of this. If Valse-san could hear it, then through him, the observation unit of the Demon Lord’s Army could also hear it. My slight resistance to talking about romance stemmed from the fact that an unspecified number of people were listening. Well, in the end, I only ended up revealing a bit of my own affection, but I worried that what Eshlee was doing might become a dark chapter in her life. Surely Valse-san would impose some restrictions.
I decided to just listen, chalking it up to her being a little disoriented from being exposed to the chaotic space. Perhaps I might face some pitying gazes later.
“At such a time, there was a kind male priest.”
As I listened to the continuation of her story, I thought, “Ah, is this the prelude to a terrible downfall?”
“He would speak kindly to other women, console and heal them, mending their emotional wounds…”
After hearing about terrible men, and then terrible men again, the narrative was heading towards a kind man.
“Behind the scenes, he preyed on those women’s emotional wounds. He amassed donations from them by making himself their emotional anchor, a miser.”
“Were there no decent men?”
“Decent men are generally sent to the front lines and never return.”
“Ah, that’s, uh, I see.”
Another story about a scumbag man made me feel slightly nauseous. Aren’t there too many scumbag men in her world? A world where only those with utterly dark hearts can survive… even the post-apocalyptic era seems kinder.
If I were told my preferences, I would certainly struggle if I had a certain level of prejudice against men.
“That’s why, when asked about preferences, I’m troubled. Besides, my work is like my lover.”
“Stop. If you say any more, you won’t be able to go back.”
“Ah, yes.”
If this continues, she’ll be a workaholic without a doubt. It’s easy to see her eventually finding work enjoyable, and then, upon retirement, not knowing what to do and falling into a state of apathy.
“If that’s the case, then you could have me.”
“That’s a different matter.”
“You should honestly accept a woman’s affection.”
“Yours is a compromise born of calculation. You should drink the dregs of my wives’ love to learn from them.”
And don’t try to trap me with a slip of the tongue in that manner. If I say yes here, I’m the one who will end up in hell.
“Anyway, we still have plenty of time. You can think about what kind of standards you have for marriage. Either way, it’s decided that we’ll be under the Demon Lord’s Army’s surveillance. You can think based on that.”
“Standards?”
Honestly, I can’t bear to be connected through this kind of “bridge of sighs” effect. Recently, following Suella, Evia also became pregnant, and the pressure from Himik and Memoria is immense. I also know that Suella is secretly colluding with Keiri and plotting something. If I increase the number any further, I’ll dry up. Not that I’m saying what.
“Well then, first… someone without a lust for power would be good.”
“I’m completely out, then.”
“Is that so? I thought in your case, you were the type who was promoted haphazardly by being swayed by your surroundings.”
“…No.”
“That gap feels like the best evidence, but all right.”
She struck a nerve that’s hard to deny. Although I was the one who made the final decision, there were many aspects that weren’t so straightforward, making it impossible to deny entirely.
“What else… what else?”
“Wait, you’re stopping there?”
It’s good that she’s not digging any deeper, as the story would get sidetracked, but I wonder why she’s not progressing further.
“Ah, someone who likes children would be good. No, never mind. A pervert who likes children but pretends to like them might appear.”
“There’s no such thing. Don’t look at men with such prejudice. Go and apologize to all the ‘iku-men’ dads out there.”
Even when I tried to mention one preference, a denial immediately followed. It’s just that the men around Eshlee weren’t decent, but there must be more decent men in the world. As for me, well, if you ask whether I’m decent, the fact that I have a harem puts me in an unusual category. However, I don’t have bizarre tastes like some demon-like scumbag. Moreover, I think the men Eshlee describes are rare cases. It’s pitiable that she lived in an environment surrounded by such rare cases. In reality, there are no such individuals around me. Or rather, it’s better to say they can’t get close. Since I gained connections with the nobles of the continent, I was wary of whether such people existed. Considering Yukiera and Sachiera, it’s wise not to get too close to strange families. That’s why I investigated and gathered information. Based on that experience, I can state unequivocally that the church, where the human relationships are such that their own desires equate to justice, is strange. Why do humans become like that when they gain power?
“Be careful. I’ve heard that if you keep suspecting all sorts of hidden motives, you might end up going for the same sex.”
Being surrounded by such men, it’s not strange that she would give up on the opposite sex. I offered a warning, prefacing it by saying the conversation was going in a strange direction. Seeing how things are, she’ll conclude that liking men will lead to nothing good, and then, wanting to spend time with someone, she might seek love from the same sex.
“Ah, that’s true. I had a colleague like that. And there were several such relationships with kouhai. It was, well, pure and ephemeral, but that was also good in its own way.”
“It was too late, then?”
However, that warning might be futile. Eshlee’s voice, which so easily revealed this information as if it were commonplace, was strangely clear.
“What do you mean, ‘too late’?! How rude!”
“The fact that you perked up the moment the topic shifted to same-sex relationships, when discussions about heterosexual relationships were only negative, tells me everything.”
She probably idealizes marriage with the opposite sex, but in her heart, she has given up on men.
“Th-that’s not true?”
“Don’t stutter; that only makes your core point more apparent.”
I’m sure Eshlee is looking somewhere else entirely, without even making eye contact, right behind me. It’s becoming pathetic that I’m having a love talk with her. The feeling of confinement within the chaotic space has dissipated, but I’m feeling mentally exhausted in a different way. Seriously, what is this woman?
“By the way, if you ask me to introduce you to a woman, I will refuse with all my might.”
“Eh!?”
“You’re surprised at that!? Deny it!”
I tried to make it clear, just in case, but her surprised voice confirmed for me that her true preference is women. Well, love is free, of course. It makes me want to pity her because the reason she ran in that direction is sad.
“At le-least, someone I could be friends with…”
“After hearing all this, I don’t have any acquaintances I can introduce! Or rather, do you even think you can make decent friends while under the Demon Lord’s Army’s surveillance?”
“Ugh.”
Even with that sympathy, I couldn’t bring myself to introduce any of my acquaintances.
“When we get back alive, I’ll vouch for your contributions to some extent.”
“!? Really!?”
“The person we’re going to help in the army from now on is quite a veteran. With that kind of contribution, some special arrangements might be possible.”
However, if I leave it like this, she might get discouraged and disrupt the barrier. After the whip, I need to offer a carrot.
“You two, I’m sorry to interrupt your pleasant conversation, but we’re almost at our destination.”
“That was fast.”
“Didn’t I tell you? Here, even concepts of time and distance become vague. You’re lucky; it seems this time it’s tilted in your favor.”
I thought our little chat would continue, but it seems to be coming to an end. It’s much earlier than planned. Checking my analog wristwatch, only twenty-six hours have passed since entering the chaos. There’s still plenty of leeway. Whether this use of luck will turn out for good or ill remains to be seen.
Today’s word: The repercussions after something good happens are frightening. Repeated feedback and typo corrections are always appreciated. If you found this interesting, please leave comments, ratings, bookmarks, etc. I am currently serializing another work: “Pandora Pandemic Panic – Pandora’s Box Has Been Opened Again, but We’re Fighting Back with Secret Bases and More!!” Please check that out as well!!
