Chapter 517: Mai Shinomiyai’s Resolution
During the day, one could indeed dispel unpleasant emotions.
But at night,
Lying alone in bed,
Facing the endless darkness,
Those temporarily suppressed negative thoughts would stir once more,
And begin to devour my soul.
This feeling was so painful,
I truly wished I could eliminate them all,
But I couldn’t,
I lacked the capability.
I could only endure them silently,
Letting them gnaw at my spirit.
How wonderful it would be if someone could accompany me.
If only someone could face these with me,
Perhaps I wouldn’t feel so miserable.
But there was no one,
The surroundings were empty,
Only loneliness and solitude.
I didn’t know how much longer I could hold on.
I only knew,
This kind of life was agonizing.
I truly longed for release.
Perhaps only death could offer release.
These past few days,
I rarely contacted anyone proactively,
Even,
I didn’t want to reply to messages on my phone,
I just wanted to be alone quietly,
I didn’t want to go anywhere,
I didn’t want to do anything.
I wasn’t acting gloomy,
Nor was I seeking sympathy,
I was genuinely a bit tired.
Perhaps during this time, I should rest well,
And clear my mind,
Otherwise,
I feared I would fall ill from suppressing it all.
These past few days, he had been very busy,
Busy with company matters,
Busy with new store matters,
Busy preparing our wedding for me.
I knew he was putting in great effort,
And I knew he was good to me,
However,
I always felt that the relationship between us seemed to be growing further apart.
We rarely had time to be alone together,
And rarely had time to communicate,
Most of the time,
We were both busy with our own things.
I didn’t know if this was normal,
I only knew,
I felt a bit disappointed,
And a bit scared.
I was afraid that one day,
We would become the most familiar strangers.
I was truly terrified.
I didn’t know what to do,
I could only endure silently,
Hiding all my emotions in my heart.
I didn’t want him to worry about me,
Even less did I want him to think I was a troublemaker.
I could only pretend to be unfazed and chat with him,
Pretend to be unfazed and inquire about his company,
Pretend to be unfazed and manage all the affairs.
Only when the night was deep and quiet,
Would I shed all my pretense,
Reveal my truest self,
And then,
Silently shed tears alone.
This feeling was so painful.
Why was it like this?
Was I being too sentimental?
Was I too fragile?
I didn’t know.
I only knew,
I truly wanted to cry out loud,
To cry out all my grievances and unwillingness,
But,
I couldn’t,
I wasn’t alone,
I still had him.
I had to consider him.
I had to consider our future.
I couldn’t let everything be ruined by my hands.
I must be strong.
I must be brave.
Only then,
Could I be worthy of him.
Only then,
Could I walk to the end with him.
I didn’t know how much longer I could hold on.
I only knew,
I couldn’t give up.
I couldn’t fall.
I cheered myself on.
I told myself,
Everything would be alright.
It just needed time.
I couldn’t go on like this anymore.
I had to pull myself together.
I had to shift all my attention to the things I should be doing.
I still had many things unfinished.
I still had many dreams unfulfilled.
I couldn’t let them be extinguished by my self-negation.
I had to go out and walk around.
I had to go see the world outside.
Perhaps,
This would alleviate the deep-seated oppression in my heart.
Ignoring his objections,
I came to a strange city alone.
I didn’t tell him where I was going,
I only left him a note,
Telling him I would take care of myself,
And that he didn’t need to worry.
I knew he would be angry,
And I knew he would worry,
But,
I had no choice.
I needed time to adjust myself.
I needed time to face the fears deep within me.
I needed time to sort everything out.
This was not an escape,
But a confrontation.
Only then,
Could I completely emerge from this shadow.
I walked aimlessly on the street,
Watching the throngs of people,
Looking at those unfamiliar faces,
I felt like an anomaly.
I really wanted to find someone to talk to,
But I didn’t know who to talk to.
I also didn’t know what to say.
I was afraid people would see through my heart,
I was afraid people would know my unease.
I could only hide all my emotions in my heart.
As I walked,
I saw a coffee shop,
I pushed the door open and walked in.
The cafe had a warm and quiet ambiance.
I found a seat by the window,
And ordered a coffee.
I looked out the window,
Watching the pedestrians coming and going,
Looking at this unfamiliar yet familiar city,
My heart felt a little calmer.
I took out my phone,
And saw missed calls and unread messages from him.
I didn’t reply,
I just looked at them quietly.
I knew he must be very worried about me,
And I knew he must be very anxious.
I hesitated for a long time,
And finally sent him a message.
“I’m fine,
I just want to be alone for a while,
Don’t worry about me.
I’ll take care of myself.”
After sending the message,
I turned off my phone,
And then,
Quietly drank my coffee alone.
I didn’t know what I was thinking,
I also didn’t know what I wanted to do,
I just wanted to be quiet for a while.
At this moment,
I felt as if I was isolated from the world,
All my troubles and worries seemed to drift away.
This feeling was very comfortable.
I liked this feeling.
I wished time could freeze at this moment forever.
But,
I knew this was impossible.
I would eventually have to return to reality,
And face everything.
After finishing my coffee,
I stood up and left the cafe.
I didn’t go back to the hotel,
Instead, I continued to walk aimlessly.
I didn’t know where to go,
Nor did I know what to do next.
I just wanted to walk,
And keep walking.
I knew it was foolish,
I knew it was childish,
But,
I couldn’t control myself.
I felt like a walking corpse without a goal,
Without direction.
I walked to the seaside,
Looking at the vast ocean,
Watching the waves crash against the rocks,
Listening to the whistling of the sea breeze,
My heart finally felt a trace of peace.
I took off my shoes,
Walked barefoot on the sand,
Feeling the softness of the sand beneath my feet,
Feeling the coolness brought by the seawater.
This feeling was very comfortable.
I closed my eyes,
Spread my arms,
Letting the sea breeze brush through my hair,
And caress my face.
At this moment,
I felt as if I had become one with Nature.
All my troubles and worries vanished.
I didn’t know how long I stayed by the sea,
Until my stomach started to rumble,
Did I realize I needed to eat.
I put on my shoes,
And walked on the sand,
Looking for a place to eat.
I saw a seafood stall,
And walked in.
I found a seat in a corner,
And ordered some seafood.
While eating seafood,
I looked out at the sea,
And listened to the whistling of the sea breeze,
My heart finally felt a trace of warmth.
After eating,
I returned to the hotel.
I charged my phone,
And turned it on.
As expected,
There were many missed calls and unread messages on my phone.
I didn’t reply,
I just quietly looked at them.
I sent him a message.
“Don’t worry about me,
I’m fine.
I just want some time alone.
Give me some time.”
After sending the message,
I put my phone on silent,
And then,
Sat by the window alone,
Looking at the dazzling lights outside.
This city was beautiful,
And prosperous.
However,
I couldn’t feel even a trace of warmth.
I felt like an outsider,
Out of place with this world.
I didn’t know what to do,
Nor what I could do.
I just sat there quietly,
Until dawn.
The next day,
I went to the seaside.
I walked along the coastline,
And kept walking.
I saw many people,
Couples,
Families,
Friends.
They were all enjoying their wonderful time by the sea.
Only I was alone,
A solitary figure.
I felt a sense of loneliness and desolation.
I sat on the sand,
Watching those people filled with laughter and joy,
Watching those scenes of happiness and sweetness,
My heart finally felt a slight ripple.
I took out my phone,
And called my mother.
“Mom,
What are you doing?”
“I’m at home,
And you?
How have you been lately?
When are you coming back?”
“I’m fine,
I don’t know when I’ll be back,
Mom,
Don’t worry about me,
I’ll take care of myself.”
“That’s good.
You take care of yourself when you’re out alone.
Call Mom if anything happens.”
“I know, Mom.
You take care of your health too.”
After hanging up,
I felt a little better.
I knew,
No matter where I went,
I had a loving home behind me.
I couldn’t continue to wallow like this.
I had to pull myself together.
I had to return to my life.
I had to face everything.
I sent a message to Wu Xuan.
“I’ve decided to go back.
You don’t need to pick me up,
I’ll come back alone.”
After sending the message,
I called the hotel front desk,
And checked out.
I didn’t buy a plane ticket,
But bought a train ticket.
I chose the slowest way to go home.
I wasn’t escaping,
I just wanted to give myself more time to think,
And organize my thoughts.
I sat on the train,
Watching the scenery outside the window,
Watching the scenery constantly receding,
My heart finally felt a trace of relief.
I knew,
This escape was not an end,
But a beginning.
The beginning of facing my life,
And facing my inner self.
I returned home,
Wu Xuan wasn’t there.
I guessed he must have gone to the company.
I didn’t call him,
I just sat quietly on the sofa,
Looking at this familiar yet unfamiliar home.
Everything felt unchanged,
yet it felt as if everything had changed.
I returned to the bedroom,
And saw a bouquet of roses on the bedside table.
The card read:
“Welcome home,
My bride.”
My eyes instantly welled up with tears.
I knew,
He had been waiting for me all along.
He had been loving me all along.
I took out my phone,
And called him.
“Where are you?”
“I’m at the company,
You… you’re back?”
His voice was a little excited,
A little trembling.
“Yes,
I’m back.”
“You… you came back alone?”
“Yes.”
“Are you alright?”
“I’m fine,
I’m very well.”
“Wait for me,
I’ll be back immediately.”
“No need,
You focus on your work,
I’ll wait for you.”
After hanging up,
My heart finally felt a trace of warmth.
I knew,
I was not alone,
I still had him.
I walked to the window,
Looking at the bright sunshine outside,
Looking at the people coming and going,
My heart finally held a glimmer of hope.
I couldn’t go on like this anymore.
I had to pull myself together.
I had to welcome my new life.
Wu Xuan returned soon.
As soon as he entered, he hugged me tightly.
He held me so tight,
I could barely breathe.
“You scared me to death,
Do you know that?
Why did you leave without a word?
Do you know how worried I was about you?”
His voice was a little choked,
A little wronged.
I felt his body trembling slightly.
I gently patted his back,
And said softly:
“Sorry,
For making you worry,
I just wanted to be alone for a while,
I didn’t mean anything else.”
He let go of me, cupped my face,
And looked at me carefully.
“Are you alright?
Are you feeling unwell anywhere?”
“I’m fine,
I’m very well.”
“That’s good,
That’s good.”
He let out a long sigh,
And then,
Hugged me tightly again.
“Don’t ever do this again, okay?
If anything happens,
We’ll face it together,
Alright?”
“Okay.”
I hugged him tightly,
Feeling his warmth,
Feeling his aura,
My heart finally calmed down completely.
It felt so good to be home.
It felt so good to have him.
I realized,
I had been loved all along.
I had no reason to continue to be dejected.
I had to pull myself together.
I had to welcome my new life.
I made a plan for myself.
I decided to travel first.
To see the world outside,
To experience different customs and cultures.
Perhaps,
This would allow me to completely clear my mind.
I knew he would support me.
He had always been the one who supported me the most.
I told him my idea.
As expected, he didn’t object.
He just hugged me gently,
And said softly,
“Go ahead,
Go to the places you want to go,
I’ll wait for you to come back.”
“Thank you,
Wu Xuan.”
“What are you thanking me for?
Do we need to say thank you between us?”
I smiled,
A genuine smile from the bottom of my heart.
This was the happiest I had smiled in a long time.
I felt as if I had been reborn,
All my troubles and worries drifted away.
I packed my luggage,
And prepared to depart.
Before leaving,
He hugged me tightly,
And whispered softly in my ear,
“Be careful,
Remember to call me.”
“Mm,
I will.”
I let go of him,
And turned to leave home.
I didn’t look back,
I knew,
He was watching me all along.
He was waiting for me all along.
He was loving me all along.
For this trip,
I chose a road trip.
I rented a car,
And set off alone.
I didn’t tell him where I was going,
I just sent him a photo every day,
Telling him where I was.
I went to many places,
Saw many beautiful landscapes,
Experienced many different human connections.
My horizons broadened significantly.
I no longer dwelled on the past,
I began to look forward to my future.
I began to anticipate my new life.
I discovered,
Life could be so wonderful.
The world could be so magnificent.
I was no longer afraid of loneliness,
No longer afraid of solitude.
I began to enjoy my time alone.
I began to enjoy this feeling of freedom.
I was no longer that little girl who was easily flustered,
I began to mature,
To become stronger.
I felt as if I had been completely transformed.
I traveled for a long time,
Until I felt completely recovered,
Did I decide to go home.
I didn’t call him,
I just appeared before him suddenly.
When he saw me,
His eyes were filled with surprise,
Filled with love.
He hugged me tightly,
Held me so tight,
I could barely breathe.
“You’re finally back,
I missed you so much.”
His voice was a little hoarse,
A little wronged.
I felt his body trembling slightly.
I gently patted his back,
And said softly:
“Sorry,
For making you worry,
I’m back.”
He let go of me, cupped my face,
And looked at me carefully.
“You’ve lost weight,
And gotten tanned.”
“Really?
I feel like I’ve gained weight.”
I smiled,
A genuine smile from the bottom of my heart.
He looked at my smile,
His eyes filled with doting.
“As long as you’re happy,
It’s all good.”
“I regret it.”
“Regret what?”
“Regret not coming back sooner.”
He laughed,
A very happy laugh.
“It’s good that you’re back,
It’s good that you’re back.
We’ll never be apart again.”
“Mm.”
I hugged him tightly,
Feeling his warmth,
Feeling his aura,
My heart finally calmed down completely.
I was back,
And my heart was back too.
All my troubles and worries drifted away.
I began to look forward to my wedding,
To my new life.
I discovered,
Life could be so wonderful.
I could be so happy.
I was no longer that little girl who was easily flustered,
I began to become confident,
To become strong.
I felt as if I had been completely transformed.
We held our wedding soon after.
The wedding was grand,
And romantic.
Wearing a white wedding dress,
I linked arms with him,
And walked step by step towards happiness.
Witnessed by the priest,
Blessed by friends and family,
We exchanged rings,
And made vows of love.
At this moment,
My heart was filled with happiness,
Filled with emotion.
I knew,
I had found my happiness,
I had found my home.
After the wedding,
We moved into our new home.
The new home was warm,
And comfortable.
We began our happy and sweet life together as a couple.
We cooked together,
Watched movies together,
Traveled together.
Every day was fulfilling,
And happy.
I discovered,
This was the happiness I had always wanted.
I began to enjoy married life.
I began to enjoy this simple yet real life.
I was no longer afraid of loneliness,
No longer afraid of solitude.
Because I knew,
Beside me was a man who loved me,
Cared for me,
And protected me.
His name was Wu Xuan.
His name was Wu Xuan.
I discovered I was pregnant.
This news made us both very happy.
He took great care of me,
Making nutritious meals for me every day,
Accompanying me on walks,
Telling me stories.
I felt like a princess,
Spoiled by him.
I discovered,
Happiness could be so simple.
Happiness could be so within reach.
Ten months later,
I gave birth to a daughter.
Our daughter was adorable,
And beautiful.
Her birth brought more laughter and joy into our lives.
He took great care of our daughter,
Changing her diapers daily,
Bathing her,
Telling her stories.
He was a good husband,
And a good father.
Watching him and our daughter,
My heart was filled with happiness,
Filled with emotion.
I knew,
My choice was not wrong.
I had married a good man.
I hoped our happiness would continue forever.
I hoped our love would last for a lifetime.
[End of Text]
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