I opened my eyes slightly, bathed in the morning light, and found myself in bed.
I must have drunk too much yesterday and someone carried me here. How long has it been since I slept in a clean bed, and alone at that?
No one was in the next bed or any of the surrounding beds. It was a fresh morning with the sound of birds chirping. Even though it was lonely to be alone now, this kind of…
The door burst open like a SWAT raid! Priscilla was in the lead, Alana darted through the space next to her, leaped, and thrust her Zantou.
“Gyaah…”
“You bastard!”
Perhaps frustrated that Alana beat her to it, she shouted three times louder than usual, and my morning scream wasn’t heard to the end.
“Die now! Die immediately! Die here!”
What’s this? Is it some kind of triple conjugation of “die”? Even at my age, every day is a learning experience. Well, it seems I’m about to die anyway.
“…Shut up!”
Christine’s angry shout, the first time I’d ever heard it. Though her volume was much lower, her voice was filled with so many vengeful spirits it echoed throughout the room, shattering all the windowpanes. Just how serious is Christine?
Still, I’m grateful she stopped them. Priscilla’s forced headbang left me dizzy, and my neck feels whiplashed. I’m worried if it’ll be covered by insurance.
“…What is going on?”
Christine sat quietly on my bed, her back to me, while Priscilla and Alana jumped back and retreated in turn. Please, take me with you. The pain of being stabbed had faded, and Godspeed massage ascended all the way to Mode Four.
“…What is going on, you ask?”
The hilt of Alana’s Zantou, stuck in my abdomen, was sewn to my clothes. If it was this deeply embedded, it should have pierced the bed and reached the floor. Yet, I felt no burning pain now.
My reply caused countless cracks to appear on the wall. The fear in Rufina’s eyes told me what kind of face Christine must be making. I’ll surely have nightmares tonight.
“…The Captain is engaged to Count Ernst…”
An exceptionally powerful force struck me. How long can my heart endure in Mode Four… And this room…
“I don’t know anything about Count Ernst! What engagement are you talking about!?”
Was this answer also wrong? Christine’s misfortune, even greater now, struck me and the building. This was no longer a matter of heart attack. Christine’s current power was like Thor’s Hammer, a thunder god’s mace that crushes all things.
Speaking of gods, there’s another: Sophia of Platinum. Her absence must mean she’s preparing a Meteor Strike! I can’t escape while impaled like this.
“…There are rumors in the streets, and an envoy from Her Majesty the Queen has arrived.”
I have absolutely no recollection of this. The only promise I made to Count Geert Ernst was to present the head of the assassin who killed His Majesty the King.
I couldn’t kill Yuma Bashar, the assassin of His Majesty the King, due to personal circumstances. Instead, I sent a Titore, its size matching his head.
This Titore is a pumpkin from my days living in Japan. It looks like a pumpkin, so I wish they’d named it “pumpkin” too, but perhaps that’s just God’s prank.
While the pumpkin is called Titore, potatoes remain potatoes. Some things don’t change their names, while others change completely. Incidentally, cabbage is lettuce, and lettuce is cabbage. I can’t remember all this. God really knows how to have fun.
Since it was a perfectly good pumpkin, I asked Iris to shape it into a face. It wasn’t difficult; I hollowed it out and carved eyes and a mouth to resemble a Jack-o’-lantern.
It wasn’t that I specifically carved a face to replace a head. I just wanted the custom of Halloween, particularly Halloween costumes, to spread in this world.
Cosplay is great, isn’t it? Uniforms are a classic, but I like action game characters for their revealing outfits. There are no such revealing armors in this world. They should learn something.
“I… I don’t know anything…”
The situation has never escalated this badly before. While the White Lily Corps has made misunderstandings many times, even Lady Annelyse has come to talk… Could this be Yuma Bashar’s doing!?
Everyone except Christine glared at me with eyes that seemed ready to burn me to ashes. I really need to escape, or this building won’t last, and I won’t be able to escape Meteor Strike.
“…Do you really know nothing?”
Oh, the wind has shifted in my favor. I’m so glad Christine is always on my side. Let’s be alone together and have some fun this time.
As Christine turned around, her eyes were as cold as ice, unlike the others. Just looking at them made my heart stop.
We gazed at each other. If I looked away, I would be killed… But I could look away. Today, Christine was wearing thin clothes, and her chest… it was slightly see-through.
“Gah!”
My heart stopped, and darkness spread before my eyes. Regrettable…
“…He really doesn’t seem to know.”
“Really!? An envoy from Annelyse has arrived!”
“…Her Majesty the Queen’s envoy came to confirm the facts. It seems they made a hasty assumption.”
“Really? Then where did this engagement talk come from…”
“…I don’t know, but it’s not too late to investigate after. …I did stop the Captain’s heart, though…”
“Revive him quickly!”
“I’ll turn him into an undead.”
“He’s too fragile for that! Christine, heal him. I’ll kill him after I investigate. Orietta and Rufina, restrain Sophia. It’s too early to kill her.”
“It’s impossible. He’s no longer controllable.”
“There’s no helping it. Christine, just get his heart beating again. Rufina will tend to the wounds. Afterward, we’ll take down Sophia together.”
Apparently, even if the heart stops, it can be resuscitated if done quickly. I ended up using the power of a con artist. Besides Godspeed, I seemed to have received the power of a con artist as a cheat.
Except for Rufina, who went to stop Sophia, everyone else caused immense damage, and half of Count Ernst’s city of Dendelgu was destroyed.
“You tricked me by doing something so confusing… Shall I teach you with my body what kind of pain you’ve caused?”
We, the White Lily Corps, suffered near-total annihilation. For the sake of one person, everyone except me and Rufina was seriously injured, and now we’re all lying in bed together.
It’s fortunate that we only suffered this much damage without killing Sophia, who rampaged and half-destroyed the city, by holding back.
Normally, Sophia’s magic would heal us, but she herself is bedridden, and the other healing mages are busy tending to the other injured.
Though we sowed the seeds, knights, mercenaries, civilians, and many others were caught up in it. Numerous buildings collapsed, were half-demolished, or completely destroyed. We’ve surely made the blacklist’s top spot, enough to bankrupt an insurance company.
What we… what I sowed was Titore. It beggars belief that a vegetable I offered in place of Yuma Bashar could cause this. Rural customs are terrifying.
It’s an ancient tradition passed down in some parts of the Kingdom of Harmonia. When a man proposes, he carves a Titore into the shape of a face and gives it to the woman. It signifies: “My head is yours…”
…How should I know!? It’s a pumpkin! If you carve a pumpkin into a face, it’s Halloween! Such a meaning for a proposal must be an afterthought. Isn’t it more likely that God just decided it now to trouble me!?
“I didn’t know that carving a Titore into the shape of a face had such a meaning. Hahaha…”
“You’re from Harmonia, aren’t you!”
What an annoying setting. I wish I’d been from a rural area near the Ashtal Empire’s mountains instead of Harmonia. It was Richarda from Harmonia who told me about this proposal custom, but I wish she’d told me a little sooner.
I’ll apologize to Count Ernst for the misunderstanding and cancel the engagement. Or, perhaps I should just hand Yuma Bashar over. That head belongs to Yuma.
“I want to keep sleeping like this~”
Orietta might be right. Richarda has reinforced and repaired the building, and the White Lily Corps cannot move due to all the injured.
…Despite being so badly injured we can’t move, we somehow had the strength to drag our beds around, and now we’re all admitted to the hospital, close together.
But… it’s nice to not be able to use healing magic sometimes. Wrapped in bandages, I look like a mummy, but bandages on bare skin can certainly be appealing.
Occasionally peeking through the bandages to check on my wounds is my duty as Captain, and leaving uninjured spots exposed is the wellspring of human evolution.
Satisfied with the achieved “suggestive” effect, I fell asleep. …Let me sleep. Mercenaries fight regardless of minor injuries. You’re all seriously injured, so sleep properly.
My sleep time is barely an hour…
“Everyone, how long are you going to sleep? Your injuries have healed, so you can stand up now.”
In the morning light, Sophia smiled with a beaming face. How long has it been since I last saw Sophia’s benevolent smile? Just looking at it made me feel gentle, followed by five lasers.
“Fugya!”
I alone was impaled by five lasers, while everyone else received a “Good morning” greeting. They gave me a “Good morning” kiss, but I’m spitting blood from my mouth, can someone help me?
“Ah, that’s a hot greeting for the morning, Sophia.”
“Captain, you should wake up too. Her Majesty the Queen has departed to make peace with Rothfar.”
Don’t drink and drive, and don’t shoot if you’re waking someone up. Are there no proverbs in this world? Her Majesty the Queen is quick with her work. I like people who are quick with their work.
“W-Who did she take with her? What about the previous Majesty’s Royal Guard?”
“Only Yuma Bashar’s Second Army. The Royal Guard is being reorganized and is in Dendelg.”
That’s correct, but I wish the Royal Guard had used their “Bewitching Charisma” a bit more. If it’s negotiations, I should go too. It would be more persuasive if a Baron himself spoke about the actual situation of the Ashtal Empire.
“I’m going too. Hurry and fix these holes!”
“…I shot you just so I could take care of you…”
I don’t need you to take care of me; just heal me like everyone else! We chased after Her Majesty the Queen. Of course, after we were all done changing clothes.
