Kanata’s day seems to start with comedy routines with Lilith.
Last night, my excitement wouldn’t subside, and as I lay huddled in my blankets, I repeatedly savored Marika-san’s lips, but I must have fallen asleep at some point.
The morning sun, felt through my eye mask, is pleasant.
The world is shining now! I am too!
“What are you grinning about? You’re already unpleasant, so why multiply that unpleasantness? Do you want to rank among the unpleasantness of the world?”
This morning, even Lilith’s sharp tongue feels like a gentle breeze to me.
“Hmm, it smells good. Did you bring me breakfast? Just leave it there. I’ll eat it after Lilith leaves the room.”
“You can’t do that. Here, open your mouth ♡”
“No, no! I’m not blind! I’m just wearing an eye mask for safety!”
“As my Warrant Officer, I’ll feed you myself. Thank me with a five-bow prostration after you eat.”
“Wait! When was my ownership transferred to Lilith? I don’t recall registering any transfer of ownership.”
Lilith chuckled. I could almost see her smug face even with the eye mask on.
“But Warrant Officer, you arbitrarily transferred my ownership to yourself, didn’t you? You can do it, but you don’t want it done to you – wasn’t that your theory?”
“That is indeed my theory, buuuut when exactly did I transfer Lilith’s ownership to myself? What time, what minute, what day of the week?”
“Even elementary school students wouldn’t say that these days. Have you forgotten already? Yesterday, around 18:15 at Tengaron House, you said, ‘What are you doing to my Lilith!!’ There are multiple witnesses, so no denying it?”
Ah!! I said it, I really said it! I let slip the one thing I absolutely shouldn’t have mentioned!
“Lilith-san, there’s such a thing as the spur of the moment…”
“Precisely because it came out spontaneously, it’s your true feeling, isn’t it?”
It’s suicidal to fight Lilith in the ring of sophistry. There’s no way I can win.
“Then, my dear Lilith-san. You cut your hair drastically yesterday, what about that? You look better with long hair, so even if you temporarily go for short hair, you’ll grow it back…”
“Hmm? It’s already back to normal. Warrant Officer, don’t forget that my hair is integrated with mutant combat cells. It grows back instantly when I consume calories, so there’s no problem.”
That’s right, she grows her hair long to use it as a monomolecular whip. I’m so forgetful.
“Then that’s good. It would be a joke if Lilith changed her hairstyle for some damn jerk like that.”
“It would be inconvenient if it wasn’t long, because with short hair your favorite hair…”
“That’s enough! No vulgar utterances before my meal.”
“Would you prefer to accept being fed or eat while enduring my reverse sexual harassment?”
It’s a choice with no hope, but life often presents scenarios with no other options.
Resigned, I ate my breakfast like a chick being fed by its mother bird.
After a breakfast that was both humiliating and strangely delightful, I enjoyed my usual post-meal coffee.
“Lilith, have you heard about my punishment? Major General Billon is furious, isn’t he?”
“Yes, King Melon, who sent Prince Melon to the hospital, contacted the Commander with a face like a boiling teapot. I was handling the aftermath with Iska, and it was an excellent show. First, Iska replied, ‘…and?'”
Prince Melon and King Melon, huh? She’s good with words. As expected of my Lilith-san, her jokes are sharp.
“You really do that against generals. Only the Commander can pull that off.”
“As usual, the threats began. First, the damage reports from the owner of Tengaron House, the cowgirl, and other residents of Rocktown, and a letter of protest from the Mayor of Rocktown.”
“Robec?”
“That’s the name of Lieutenant Robert de Billon, the scumbag you sent to the hospital. Robec arrived in Rocktown yesterday afternoon, and he had been doing similar things in hotels and other restaurants before coming to Tengaron House in the evening. Iska quickly confirmed the facts last night and then went to Rocktown by helicopter to persuade the mayor and residents directly. The Mayor and residents of Rocktown are already favorably disposed towards the Commander, and since damage was indeed done, they readily cooperated in forming a cordon around the scumbag.”
The capable woman (Iska-sama) works fast. Truly reliable.
“I see, she secured the outer perimeter first. Proving Robec was in the wrong.”
“Yes, and then Iska, the professional at cornering her prey, showed her true skills. The PR department people who interviewed you yesterday are still in the Garden. She intimidated Major General Simon politely by threatening to release information to them. She also didn’t forget to add that she would report it to Lieutenant General Shinonome.”
“Ruthless. I’ve resolved never to cross the Commander.”
“What was truly ruthless was what came next. As a finishing blow, she showed him a photo of Robec immediately after he was taken to the hospital. It was a shot capturing his heroic moment of wetting himself, looking like a pig about to be slaughtered, bleeding from his ear. If I were to give that photo a title, it would be ‘Pig Trembling from the Soul’.”
Yeah, I’m done. I’ve paid the price for spitting at Lilith. Knowing the Commander, probably…
“You hinted that you might send that gem of an artwork to Simon Major General’s rivals vying for promotion, didn’t you?”
“Yes, Warrant Officer, you’re quite wicked to think of the same scheme as me. Good for you. I don’t dislike bad men.”
Rather, I’d like to know how you could possibly dislike me… Oh well, it’s mutual.
No matter how much I’m showered with mud and insults, Lilith-san is my precious future wife of 2084 days.
“So? After the whip, it’s time for the candy?”
“Yes, you say that as if you saw it. Warrant Officer, you could be a good armchair detective.”
“I have a secretary and assistant. Will you do it, Lilith?”
Lilith replies in her sweet voice that never fails to enchant me. She probably winked, but I can’t see it because of the eye mask.
“I’ll think about it. The Commander, after giving you enough of a whipping, offered a lollipop. First, full payment for Robec’s medical expenses, withdrawal of the protest letter and damage report. Then, a considerable amount of condolence money.”
“The Commander’s theory was ‘There is no good or evil in money. Only its use is questioned.'”
Personally, I’d like to have a say in how it’s earned too.
“It’s one of the few universally applicable truths. Then, scandal material on Major General Simon’s rival generals. It seems Major General Simon desperately wanted that. Major General Simon relented because of it, and the matter is settled.”
The Commander’s blackmail ledger isn’t just for threats. It can also be used as bait for those who want to bring someone down. What a great villain, no, villainess, the Commander is.
“After tormenting me with whips, you let me suck on extremely sweet candy. The day the Commander takes over the world is not far off.”
“It was a villainy so striking that a wicked person like me can only admire it. Fortunately, Robec’s brain damage is recoverable with time, without aftereffects. It seems Hibiki’s skill was crucial. Hibiki’s words after finishing the surgery were, ‘I’ve never failed a surgery.'”
Are you Michiko Daimon? Well, I knew she was a super doctor since the Commander specially invited her to the Garden.
“Looks like I won’t have to eat spoiled food. My tolerance for bad food has decreased because I’ve gotten used to the meals made by Lilith and Isokichi-san.”
Back when I was a university student, convenience store bento and takeaway bento were my staple food, but I’ve become quite a gourmet.
“Besides, a lonely Warrant Officer like you would die of loneliness if put in solitary confinement, wouldn’t you?”
“Lilith, the idea that rabbits die when they’re lonely…”
“It’s a rumor, I know. It’s true that they’re sensitive to stress, though. And rabbits don’t actually like carrots. They prefer cabbage, and furthermore, they engage in coprophagy.”
“Coprophagy?”
“It’s a behavior to re-digest undigested fiber within the body. In other words, eating their own droppings…”
“Don’t say it! Girls shouldn’t talk about such things!”
“Hmm, so you’re out on that kind of thing, Warrant Officer. Good, because even I draw the line there.”
Of course, I draw the line! There are people who are okay with it… I definitely don’t want to be friends with them, though.
“Well then, let’s stop talking about that and get ready for the move.”
“Moving? Where to?”
“The brig, of course. A week in the brig, that’s your punishment. Even if it was unavoidable, you sent an officer to the hospital, so that much is unavoidable, isn’t it?”
This is such a light punishment, it’s almost too lenient. I guess I won’t be able to look the Commander in the eye for a while.
…Then again, I never could, so it doesn’t matter.
“After the brig, you’re going straight to Ligrit.”
“Is it okay for me to be promoted after causing such a commotion?”
“I think it’s fine. Everyone at the Garden has caused a commotion at some point.”
That seems questionable for an army. Oh, but Shigure-san… she caused a massive commotion, a duel of significant proportions.
“If you leave the room, I’ll do the preparations myself.”
“It’ll be faster if I do it. I manage all your clothes and personal belongings. You only manage your erotic magazines, right?”
“If you hadn’t added that last remark, I could have thanked you honestly.”
“Be prepared for your time in the brig. It’s harsh.”
“Marika-san said she’d teach me how to use Wolf Eye, so it looks like it’s going to be a tough week.”
“And in between your Wolf Eye special training, there’s studying!”
Studying? For what?
“…I’m not good at studying.”
“I know you don’t need to say it. But you’re going to take the Officer Curriculum at Ligrit, aren’t you? Fine with practical skills and strategy, but military law is your weak point. Nobody follows military law at the Rose Garden, so you haven’t learned it. Therefore… it’s special training!”
There’s no way it’ll be a comfortable stay in the brig, but special training with Marika-san and Lilith, huh.
…This is really going to be a tough week.
