Chapter 502: 119. Tang Zeming Asuka
“Glglgl…”
“Glglgl…”
With hollow eyes, Tang Zeming Asuka sank into the abyss-like water enveloped by the breath of death.
Above her, the intense sounds of battle, the hysterical screams, and the piercing, loathsome cries of infants gradually faded away, peeling away from Asuka’s ears, piece by piece, like an eggshell being cracked.
She remained still, sinking as the crimson blood mist flowed from the wound on her abdomen. The lighter blood mist swelled upwards while her heavier body sank downwards; in that moment, it seemed as if she were on a path leading to death, distancing herself from everything above, everything that had caused her demise.
What was she thinking at this moment?
Regret? Anger? Sadness?
Perhaps, nothing at all…
Tang Zeming Asuka unexpectedly felt numb, as if she had become accustomed to it, as if it didn’t matter to her at all…
At this moment, all she felt was cold, darkness, and silence.
So cold… so cold…
In this seemingly endless cold and silent presence, Tang Zeming Asuka thought in a dull, monotonous way.
“Dong… dong… dong…”
At that very moment, an echoing, distant wooden fish sound suddenly reached her ears from somewhere unknown.
Although it felt like she was hearing such a sound for the first time, Tang Zeming Asuka found it exceptionally warm and familiar.
Ah…
I remember now, it’s the wooden fish sound from my father’s temple.
When this thought crossed her mind, not only the sound, but her sense of suffocation in her nose dissipated. A wave of dark, pleasant Buddhist incense spread, and her vision quickly brightened again.
Before her now was a small room with only a few tatami mats.
On the chilly tatami, she kneeled beside the sliding wooden door, blankly staring at the homework on the small table in front of her.
“Thus I have heard… Once… the Buddha was in Shravasti…”
A small television, obscured by falling snowflakes, the chanting voice faintly echoing outside, and the wooden fish sound, which seemed to be very close…
“Asuka…”
A calm female voice suddenly sounded from outside the door, like thunder, exploding in Tang Zeming Asuka’s mind, bringing her stupor gradually back to life.
She gasped and trembled like a sieve; tears fell continuously from her eyes while her brown pupils shrank to the extreme, slowly looking towards the tightly closed sliding door beside her.
Outside the papered wooden door, a woman with curly hair sat quietly, her face’s outline seemingly able to see Tang Zeming Asuka through the door, calmly watching her.
The calm voice of an ordinary woman from that shadow spoke again,
“Asuka…”
“Mom… Mama…”
Tang Zeming Asuka’s face was already terrified and streaming with tears; she stared directly at the shadow beyond the door, her mind blank.
“Asuka… open the door…”
“But… but Dad said… I can’t open the door…”
“Dad said… did he?”
“Yes.”
The wooden fish sound continued to echo persistently, and the shadow of the woman outside remained motionless. After a long pause, her smiling voice sounded again,
“But… Asuka, didn’t you close the door by yourself?”
“Me?”
“Ah, that’s right…”
“Ka ka ka ka ka ka!!!”
With that woman’s voice resonating, the entire door suddenly shook; clearly, no one touched it, yet it felt like it was being tried to open and then stopped by another force…
“Did you forget? You used [Magic] to close it, didn’t you?”
Tang Zeming Asuka’s pupils suddenly contracted, and the next moment, she could no longer control the shivering of the wooden door, which then was forcefully pushed open in front of her, revealing the darkness outside.
At that moment, Tang Zeming Asuka’s consciousness continuously sank; it seemed as if she returned to a Japan filled with towering skyscrapers and an extravagant lifestyle, back to that spacious yet extremely cold house.
The house was unlit because Mama said turning on the lights would waste electricity.
A small girl, dressed in a Japanese school uniform, sat blankly in the corner of the living room, clutching her school bag. She appeared pale, her body shivering slightly due to the early onset of winter’s low temperature.
“Glglgl~”
On the wall, the clock slowly approached nine o’clock. The little girl’s stomach continuously growled, bringing sharp pangs of pain and reminding its owner that she was very hungry.
But Mama hadn’t come back; she wouldn’t give her money, yet she was so very hungry…
The little girl was indeed in so much pain from hunger and could think of no other way. She looked around the empty room, and finally couldn’t resist taking an action that disobeyed her mother—she picked up a piece of her mother’s clothing that was scattered over the sofa and wrapped it around herself, then glanced around before moving to the television, hesitating for a long time before finally pressing the power button…
My, oh my, turning on the television and wearing my mother’s summer clothes made the little girl feel her heart race, panicking tremendously.
However, Mama wouldn’t be back until ten o’clock, and as long as she turned off the TV before that, she wouldn’t know…
The television station hadn’t paid, so there were only a few channels the little girl didn’t recognize, one of which was playing an animated show.
“Glglgl~”
In the dim room, the faint glow of the television covered the little girl’s expression that was immersed in it; the sound from the animation drowned out her shivering due to the cold and the growling of her hungry stomach.
“I want to use a magic spell to wrap you up as a princess to attend the prince’s banquet, Cinderella… You will have magnificent clothing, exquisite hair, an expensive carriage, and loyal servants…”
“Oh my, magic is so wonderful.”
“But there’s a premise—the magic will expire before midnight; you must return before that.”
“I promise to comply.”
The thin little girl stared blankly at the screen where Cinderella transformed into such a beautiful form, her eyes brightened involuntarily.
Magic…
How magical…
If only I could also use magic, how nice would that be?
I wouldn’t need such exquisite clothes or servants; I don’t need a prince, I just need to not be hungry or in pain or make noise.
But it can’t expire before midnight; otherwise, if Mama comes home drunk and forgets to give me money, the magic would fail, and I’ll wake up hungry in the middle of the night…
The little girl instantly combined her life into this thought.
Suddenly, a brilliant idea surged into her mind.
Cinderella’s fairy godmother used a wand to cast spells; that magic was invisible, and if the winds blew at night, it might blow away. If I wrote the magic down with a pen, as long as I didn’t take a bath, wouldn’t the magic last forever?
The little girl excitedly stood up to search for a pen to write down [Magic].
My pencil wouldn’t do; the writing would disappear quickly; Mama didn’t give me money for colored pens, so I didn’t buy any; I usually borrow them from others, but since I borrowed all the time, they aren’t happy, so they’ll ask me to buy my own. I feel a bit embarrassed, so I stopped borrowing…
The little girl rummaged through the entire room, but except for various alcoholic beverages and bills for cosmetics, she found nothing.
In desperation, she finally went to her mother’s vanity to take an eyeliner pencil she used.
It felt like a crime; her heart raced, because if she was caught using her mother’s expensive cosmetics, she would definitely…
But fortunately, she wasn’t discovered today.
Thus, she finally obtained what she wanted.
Shaking with excitement, she returned to the front of the television, smiling as she sat before it. Using the faint light from the TV, she lifted her uniform and clumsily wrote a line of “magic” in Japanese on her arm.
She wrote,
“Tang Zeming Asuka will never be hungry.”
As she solemnly completed this line of “magic,” she immediately bit her lip, looking down at her stomach as if to confirm.
And magically, after the “magic” was completed, her stomach truly seemed to no longer be hungry or make noise.
Magic is real!
Her eyes slightly brightened, as if she had discovered a new world, looking back at the animated show on the television.
Although she hadn’t seen a fairy godmother like Cinderella, perhaps she had already been taught her magic?
“Dong dong. Dong.”
But even for this little girl, a single [Magic] was clearly not enough.
With the increasingly quieter wooden fish sound accompanying her, more and more [Magic] appeared on her hands and body, for which she even secretly took one hundred yen from her mother to buy a pen specifically for writing magic.
“Tang Zeming Asuka will never feel pain from her mother’s hits.”
Because the areas where she was hit felt very painful, but if there was this magic, she wouldn’t be afraid of being hit by her mother anymore.
“Tang Zeming Asuka will never be sad or cry when scolded by her mother.”
Because being scolded would make her want to cry, her heart would hurt, but her mother didn’t like her to cry; if she did, she would be hit. Although she had magic that made her not feel pain from being hit, she truly didn’t like to cry.
“Tang Zeming Asuka won’t feel embarrassed at school.”
Because she had nothing, her friends wouldn’t play with her, and if her clothes were tattered, they would mock her, but if she had this magic, she wouldn’t feel embarrassed.
“Tang Zeming Asuka won’t ask her mother questions.”
Even though the teacher always praised her for being smart and encouraged her to ask questions, saying she would definitely be great in the future, her mother didn’t like it when she asked questions, especially about her, about why she had no food to eat.
Mama thought her questions would hurt her, so even if she wanted to ask, she couldn’t speak.
Although the teacher seemed a bit disappointed when she didn’t ask questions, let me add another magic,
“Tang Zeming Asuka can ask questions at school, but not at home.”
Those lines of text, crooked lines of magic seemed to truly emit a miraculous power.
The little girl’s figure continued to grow thinner, her body covered with more bruises, and her face became increasingly numb.
But perhaps, the magic was indeed effective.
“Boom!”
Until one stormy night filled with loud thunder, the atmosphere in Tokyo seemed to change overnight, even for the indifferent little girl.
People shouted, cursed, and cried as they rushed past each other. They said they could no longer pay off their debts, that they had lost everything, and that they wished they could die immediately.
Neon lights continued to flicker, but the bubbles of extravagance burst silently, heavily throwing people floating up from high above down and crushing them to pieces.
The little girl stared blankly at the people below who were weeping, perhaps she had long since grown accustomed to the hunger of not having dinner.
She couldn’t hear the growls of her stomach, nor could she feel the hunger anymore; the magic had helped her.
“Asuka! Great! You’re here!”
Just then, the large door behind her suddenly opened, but it was only just before seven o’clock; Mama was home now.
A disheveled woman stood outside the door, looking at the little girl inside like she had grabbed onto a lifeline. She tightly grabbed the little girl’s school uniform-clad arm and forcefully pulled her out of the room.
“With you, that guy will definitely help me pay back the money. No, I need to call him quickly; that monk’s family has a temple, he can do it!”
As a “hostage,” the little girl had no idea that she had become a bargaining chip for her mother to extort money from the father she rarely saw until she was dragged to the rooftop of a skyscraper. It wasn’t until she made a call to her father in Kyoto that Mama kept the little girl in her arms and stood at the edge of the building for several hours that the police finally noticed a crazed woman, driven mad by huge debts, holding her daughter at the brink of death.
During that time, too many people had died; normally, such matters shouldn’t garner attention, but in any society, there is unusual leniency towards children.
As her mother thought, when she held the girl as a bargaining chip to threaten the monk far away in Kyoto to sell the temple to pay back her debts, everyone began to focus on the frail girl in her arms, who showed no expression, as if she had nothing to do with the situation.
“Ma’am, calm down! The person you’re looking for will be here soon! Back away from the edge! Your daughter is so little; everything can still be negotiated!”
“Negotiate!? Do you know how much I owe? If I don’t have money, I might as well die, but I’m still so young; how could…”
“Boom!”
The mother behind her was hysterical, and the police surrounding the rooftop were sweating profusely. Even the reporters who came for news couldn’t help but worry for the little girl only ten centimeters away from the edge. The thick clouds in the sky deepened, and the continuous roar of thunder shrouded Tokyo at that moment.
But the girl surprisingly remained indifferent, she stared blankly at everything before her, as if it had nothing to do with her, like a puppet standing in her mother’s arms.
The reporters thought she was in shock; the photos taken highlighted her frail, pallid face.
“Step aside! The child’s father is here!”
“Didi.”
Until long afterward, a man in a monk’s robe finally came up the rooftop stairs, clutching Buddhist beads, and the little girl’s father finally appeared.
He was weak-hearted, often letting his devotion to chanting Buddhist scriptures fill him with compassion, yet lacking the anger of a king; even upon seeing his long-absent, now entirely different pitiful daughter, his sorrow outweighed his anger.
“Quickly, sell the temple, or I’ll jump off with Asuka! We wouldn’t be in such a dire situation if it weren’t for you!”
“But… even if we sell the temple, we can’t pay off all the money you owe. First, let go of Asuka, and we can discuss it.”
“Are you kidding me? Hurry! Hurry!”
The argument between the parents, the whispering around them, seemed to be unheard by the little girl.
She wasn’t afraid, for she had drawn magic on her clothes before coming up.
As long as there’s magic…
The little girl glanced down at her sleeve, beneath the now slightly short and no longer fitting school uniform, half a line of text was revealed,
“No matter what happens, Tang Zeming Asuka will not be afraid.”
“Didi.”
“Boom!”
But the next second, in Tang Zeming Asuka’s calm and numb eyes, a raindrop suddenly fell from the sky and landed on her arm, right at the end of that line of [Magic], smudging the text written with cheap ink.
It was about to rain.
No one knew why, when Mama angrily haggled, while Papa chanted scriptures to seek blessings, and while the police urged forward, the little girl in the woman’s arms suddenly began to tremble all over.
Her already pale face turned completely white, her pupils shrank in disbelief, looking at the black ink flowing down her arm from that raindrop.
Soon, with more raindrops falling, the latter half of the writing became further blurred.
But
But
But my magic…
So scared, so scared, so scared, so scared, so scared, so scared, so scared, so scared, so scared, so scared, so scared, so scared.
Ah.
“Boom!”
“Hurry and give me the money!! Asuka, stop moving!”
Just then, feeling the little girl continuously shaking in her arms, the angry woman slapped her hard, just as she had done in the past, yet the little girl remained unresponsive, like a punching bag.
In the mother’s eyes, when that frail girl stood there, her lips trembling slightly as she kept saying to her,
“My magic… magic, magic, magic…”
These foolish words further enraged the woman; she grasped the little girl’s neck tightly and yelled at her,
“What are you talking about, you silly pig? There’s no magic, it’s all a lie! Stop moving!”
Yet the woman didn’t expect that after she finished speaking, the little girl who hadn’t moved for a long time suddenly raised her head in her arms and looked directly at her.
In that moment, the woman saw an extremely terrifying gaze; within those deep, vacant eyes seemed to hold the impending sense of something collapsing, as if a monster wearing human skin was confirming the answer to her question.
That gaze made the woman forget that she was still at the edge of the tall building, and the horror that erupted from the girl’s body made her recoil repeatedly until she stepped into empty air, plummeting straight down.
“Asuka?”
In the moment of weightlessness, the woman was taken aback for a moment and then reached out her hand toward the little girl, seemingly wanting to catch her, but the little girl merely stared blankly at her, standing still and allowing her to fall toward the ground.
“Quick! The suspect is falling! Quickly grab that girl!”
At that moment, as if the goddess of luck had favored them, everyone rushed toward the edge of the rooftop, rescuing the already skeletal little girl.
On that day, she left her mother forever and reunited with her father.
Tang Zeming Asuka, having opened the door, looked incredulously at the little girl tightly embraced by her father in a robe, as numerous memories flooded back into her mind.
She clutched her chest in pain as if her heart were being squeezed, continually wishing to retreat from the scene outside, back to her small room.
At that moment, the scene outside transformed again into the interior of the temple. Only after the monk father brought the girl back to the ancestral temple in Kyoto did he realize that his daughter’s heart had become riddled with wounds for some time, especially after her mother’s death, particularly after the [Magic] was completely denied.
The doctor said she was suffering from severe bipolar disorder; sometimes, she would become uncontrollably extremely angry, destroying everything she saw, including her own body; at times, she would feel as if all strength and belief had been drained, like a corpse seeking inner death.
Perhaps even this devout father could not understand why, although that woman had treated Asuka that way, she still lingered on the death of that woman, even going so far as to torment herself internally.
“O Buddha, my daughter is such a gentle person; she should possess great wisdom and compassion. Why must she suffer such hardship? I am willing to sincerely fast and recite teachings day and night, only asking for Buddha’s blessing on her.”
Yes, that little girl was indeed an extremely gentle person.
She only remembered suddenly at this moment, as she was tormented by mental illness, worsening day by day, wishing to end her life before the Buddha, when she saw her father striking the wooden fish day and night in prayer for her.
That sound accompanied her as she slept through her mental torment; it was her father’s wooden fish sound. The text that had always echoed in her ears had originally been the Buddhist scriptures recited by her father.
Once again, perhaps it was just to avoid disappointing her father, she wanted to make one more effort.
And so, from that day forward, her father was surprised to find that his daughter’s mental illness miraculously healed.
He happily expressed his gratitude to Buddha, believing that it was Buddha who helped his daughter to repent and become virtuous and free.
For from that day on, his daughter began to copy Buddhist scriptures on her own; this was proof of the Buddha’s light shining upon her!
Only he failed to notice the oddity; the doctors treating Tang Zeming Asuka didn’t notice anything wrong, and even Tang Zeming Asuka herself didn’t realize anything was amiss.
She excelled at deceiving everyone, including herself.
Because she didn’t want to disappoint her father, just as she didn’t want to disappoint her mother before, which was why she resorted to magic.
Perhaps because she had received so little, she cherished everything she could have even more.
So why was it that after entering high school, no one bullied her?
The scene outside shifted slightly, turning into a few female classmates pulling Tang Zeming Asuka into the bathroom to conduct “freshman education.”
As they playfully stripped the indifferent Tang Zeming Asuka of her coat and she quietly watched them, the densely written Buddhist scriptures displayed on her body emerged in an instant.
So, why was it that she couldn’t learn anything in high school, even though she was so smart?
The scene slightly changed outside until her backpack, textbooks, and homework, all thoroughly annotated with neatly copied Buddhist scriptures, appeared, causing all the teachers in the office to gaze at her in shock.
The door remained open, yet Tang Zeming Asuka sat blankly on her minuscule room’s tatami, behind her, a shadow in a robe and a shadow in a lady’s dress quietly watched her until those two shadows completely morphed into identical versions of herself.
Only now did Tang Zeming Asuka finally realize that all along, she had been deceiving herself.
Only now did Tang Zeming Asuka finally realize that the so-called [Buddhist Scriptures] and [Magic] were the same thing to her.
Tang Zeming Asuka sat on the tatami, tilted her head, and looked back at her room.
Before her, that once cramped atmosphere filled with homework and the small television suddenly transformed into its original, truest form.
The entire room was filled with dense Buddhist scriptures.
On the paper, ceiling, television, desktop, homework, and on herself.
It turned out, she wasn’t watching television, nor was she doing homework.
Tang Zeming Asuka tilted her head as the text of Buddhist scriptures throughout the room began to emit a terrifying blood-red hue, burning like a fire, casting a crimson layer over the small space she knelt in.
“Didi”
“Glgl”
At this moment, beneath the water, Tang Zeming Asuka’s seven orifices suddenly overflowed with a continuous stream of scarlet like blood mist until that polluted crimson completely enveloped the entire water pool, the essence of death and fate, then seemingly with awareness, began forming rhythmic, horrifying echoes from beyond the world at the top of the water.
“Dong dong dong dong dong.”
At the same time, the long-lasting, rhythmic wooden fish sound in her mind finally ceased.
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(The end of this chapter)
