The story goes back to morning.
“Finally.”
“Finally.”
The blacksmith’s shop, which the merchants used for their secret talks, was unable to meet its monthly production quota. The blast furnace had been banked, and with its rear opened, the blacksmith shop had the atmosphere of a closed business. The merchants, who refused to sell their rare materials to the guards at a fair price, looked down on them, the merchants.
“Now we can get back at them ♪”
“It took a lot of time to get here. We won’t forget the humiliation we suffered!”
The merchants gazed at the ceramic bottles containing the medicine they would administer to the guards, a wicked smile on their faces.
At noon, they each returned to their shops. They brought to the barracks where the guards were located, a late but sincere show of gratitude for protecting the town and themselves: a cartload of food for a grand banquet and beautiful women (borrowed from a brothel without their regular “performance”). All of them smirked, muttering “gufufu” to each other and exchanging knowing glances.
“Please, accept this ♪”
“Please, accept this ♪”
The merchants’ representative offered their greetings, followed by the others. The captain of the guard appeared, wondering what was going on, and accepted their thanks.
“Take this to the mess hall. You ladies, this way.”
“Captain, you’re so lucky—”
“I want an escort too—”
He told his subordinates, who guarded the main entrance, that this was part of the job and led the women to a reception room to rest before the evening banquet. The merchants watched them go, telling them to enjoy themselves and that they would be back to pick them up in the morning.
“Ooooh!”
Buu! Buu!
The subordinates booed their captain with dissatisfaction. The captain feigned deafness and walked away towards the reception room, the surroundings blooming with flowers. The booing and grumbling continued until they disappeared around the corner of the building.
***
They were eagerly looking forward to dinner.
“Hey. Stop making that creepy face.”
“What do you mean, creepy? You’re ugly too.”
“Who’s ugly! Who! *Thwack*”
“Ouch! *Thwack* *Whack*”
“You’re kicking too much! *Whack*”
“Take this! *Thwack*”
As they continued to hit and kick each other in their shared room, the squad leader said, “As punishment, you will clean the new weapons recently deployed in each city.”
“Noooooooo—… You… ”
“What was that? I was thinking of leaving you some dinner leftovers, but you don’t want them?”
“Yes! We will gladly clean the new weapons!”
They blamed each other for their predicament, which meant no dinner. Today, the merchants, under the guise of thanking the captain and his men for saving the town, were to provide delicious food (dishes they had never seen or heard of) and beautiful women (the cute girls from that famous brothel)! They had been denied the beautiful women as punishment. And to have no delicious food leftovers? They would regret it for the rest of their lives! Together with his roommate, he headed to the armory, where the new weapons—firearms that didn’t use magic power at all?—were stored.
“This is all your fault…”
“No, it’s because you started complaining first.”
“What did you say…”
“What about you…”
“Let’s stop.”
If anyone saw them, the delicious food would really disappear. They trusted the squad leader’s words, “We’re leaving some for you.”
They went to the key management building, which stored the keys for most of the buildings, to retrieve the key to the armory.
“I thought you had it…”
“No, no, in that case, you were the one…”
“Let’s just go to the armory…”
Today was truly unlucky. They didn’t lose the armory key. They safely arrived in front of the armory.
“Let’s clean this up quickly and join the banquet.”
“I want to talk to the purple-haired girl too ♪”
“Hey, the blonde girl is cuter.”
“Hmph, I’ll never get along with this guy.”
The new weapon was a cannon. They cleaned the small hole for loading gunpowder and the inside of the barrel. They were warned not to open the box containing the gunpowder.
“Cough, cough.”
“Smells like iron.”
The cleaning proceeded smoothly, without arguing or bickering, as they only spoke to each other when necessary, organizing the new weapons inside the armory.
“Shiny.”
“Well, it’s never been used before. If we had Knights (Golems), we wouldn’t need this, would we?”
“No, if the Knights (Golems) run out of magic power and can’t move, we’ll have to save the captain and vice-captain with this cannon (new weapon).”
“Ugh, I don’t think there will be any battles where they run out of magic power. Besides, can we even get jobs outside?”
“We’re newcomers, after all,” he said, agreeing with his roommate. But, couldn’t there be such a situation someday?
“Did you lock up?”
“If you’re okay with it, let’s hurry and lock up, return the key, and go to the banquet.”
“You’re agreeing with me for once.”
“Yeah.”
*Click.*
On their way back to return the key, they encountered patrol soldiers.
“What were you guys doing out here (in this secluded area) at this hour?”
“Cleaning the new weapons in the armory.”
The proof was the armory key and the lending record. The squad leader had ordered it.
“The banquet is starting now… It’ll probably be in time.”
“Wow, you guys had quite the misfortune ♪?”
Encouraged by the patrol soldiers’ “It’ll probably be in time,” they hurried to the key management building. They rushed the receiving clerk to return the key, and after confirming it was returned, they ran to the cafeteria where the banquet was being held. They found themselves in a race.
“I’m going to get friendly with the cute girl (purple-haired).”
“You won’t be able to. I’ll get friendly with the cute girl (blonde).”
“Wooooooooh!”
“Huff… Huff… I… I won?! ”
No one in the cafeteria?
“The food has dwindled quite a bit… Did they go to the toilet, perhaps?”
“That’s impossible. Damn it— I bet he’s with the girl I was after (purple-haired) right now… I’m so jealous! I’ll just eat a lot to vent. *Munch, munch*”
“Hey, hey, don’t leave any for the seniors, or they’ll get angry.”
Thinking of the cute girl (blonde) being passed around by the seniors, he, like his roommate, reached for the remaining food.
“Munch, ah, damn it. It should be delicious, but all the flavors taste salty…”
“Munch, munch. Gulp. Damn it— he really should have been next to me… *Munch, munch, munch, munch*?”
“What’s wrong? Did you choke?”
“Nnnnn—”
“Nnnnn—”
Both of them suddenly felt their stomachs rumbling, and they walked unsteadily towards the toilets. Then, they saw a long line of the seniors who had disappeared, waiting to enter the toilets.
“Did… did you guys also get food poisoning?”
“Huh?! Then, did all of us get sick from that food…?”
A senior at the back of the line explained. The merchants had tampered with several dishes, adding laxatives as a nasty trick. The beautiful women, incidentally, had also fallen victim to the malicious merchants’ tainted food and had a fierce battle in the toilets. Had the girl (blonde) managed to avoid an accident?
Gurgle~~.
“Ahhh!”
They walked awkwardly, holding their anuses, trying to get into the toilets in order without knowing how long it would take!
“U-um, over there… *Munch?*”
“Y-you… your feet…!?”
“I forgot to mention. Someone… relieved themselves over there… sorry. I should have said something sooner.”
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
He thought he was truly unlucky today, more so than the seniors, feeling a soft object under his feet. Ah, his favorite boots from his favorite store…
*Gyu, Gogyurururu~~*
“Ugh, I have to avoid this crisis right now…”
From tomorrow, he’d be called “Shit-covered,” or “Poop-ejector,” or something like that.
“I- I’ll go with you!”
“Hang in there, junior. I’ll be here, praying that the last defense doesn’t break!”
Senior, you’re sweating profusely. Well, it’s probably embarrassing to have so many people around, and it might cause an accident at the crucial moment, so it’s good to have you here. The problem is… this guy.
“Don’t follow me, okay? Go somewhere else.”
“No, no, you might go where I’m about to go.”
Ah, this is no time for arguing.
“After you.”
“W-wait!”
