Chapter 426
Past Life, Present Life
This was the first time Eivass had seen Isabel cry.
But there was no sadness or fear in her weeping. Instead, Eivass could sense a sense of peace and warmth within it.
—Eivass immediately thought of the diary Isabel had once shown him.
In that diary, where members of the “Du Lac” family recorded their lives, the first two sentences left by a nine-year-old Isabel were:
“I’m so scared…”
“Dad said I could cry…”
At that time, Isabel, immersed in the fear of death, was so lonely and terrified. She had no idea that Queen Sophia’s greatest wish was to keep her—From Isabel’s perspective, the dying relatives were like a sharp blade hanging in the air, ready to fall at any moment.
She couldn’t laugh no matter what.
—So, all she could do was cry.
Later, even the “dad” mentioned in the diary quietly fled Glass Island. Isabel was completely alone.
It was like standing on a cliff with only a single log bridge beneath her feet. A mere glance into the abyss would make her dizzy and weak-kneed.
In the fear of imminent death, even her own father had chosen to leave her. It was only by a great effort that Isabel managed to maintain her pure and kind heart, without it being twisted by fear.
And it was Eivass who made such Isabel no longer afraid, no longer cry.
Eivass rescued Isabel from that darkness, helping her put on the crown and become the Queen of Avalon.
As queen, she had to give people confidence. A queen had no right to cry because she could not show any weakness in front of her people.
Now, it was Eivass again who allowed her to cry openly.
Eivass’s gaze gradually softened.
At first, he was merely comforting Isabel, laughing at her softly, and coaxing her gently. But at some point, he felt his own eyes moisten.
Eivass also thought of something.
He thought of the scarf Queen Sophia had given him, of Isabel’s bright smile on the day she painted his portrait for the first time, of her shining, beautiful eyes when she handed him the diary.
Afterward, Eivass suddenly remembered the day they first met.
She, under the guise of “Lulu,” and using the identity of his own mother, “Annie Alexander,” had met him.
Eivass recalled the genuine, gentle smile on her face as she carefully took “Little Eivass” from his embrace, and the lullaby she softly sang to put him to sleep.
…Thinking back now, perhaps it wasn’t that Lulu’s lullaby was too effective. It had almost hypnotized him too.
Although Isabel’s singing talent was indeed outstanding, without the amplification of a Path Trait, she shouldn’t have been able to hypnotize Eivass so easily.
It was probably because… Eivass himself yearned for such love.
Isabel’s gentle lullaby might not have been able to penetrate the hardened shell of a restless heart… but to a long-dried heart, it was like a gentle spring breeze.
One gets drunk on oneself, not the wine.
To Eivass, the lullaby sung by “Lulu” while putting “Little Eivass” to sleep was exactly the bedside song he himself longed to hear.
The summer evening breeze blew in through the window, making the wind chimes sing.
He was held in his mother’s embrace, enjoying a carefree childhood. The child’s eyes held no anxiety for the future, only hope for tomorrow.
Eivass slowly held Isabel tighter.
Gradually, Eivass’s comforting words stopped. Isabel’s crying also gradually subsided.
They simply hugged each other quietly, time flying by.
He inhaled the fragrance of her hair, feeling the warmth in his embrace.
In his past life, Eivass also had parents, grandparents.
He had open-minded parents and a happy childhood. In that innocent and ignorant childhood, he was much, much happier than the Eivass of this World…
His parents had taught him much about life and work, helping him develop many good habits and a cheerful personality. His father would play games with him, while his mother would always cook delicious meals and tell him stories. His grandfather would play chess and fish with Eivass, and his maternal grandmother would knit sweaters and make cotton clothes for him.
—Until an earthquake that destroyed Eivass’s entire world left him alone.
This was just like Dickinson’s poem.
She once said, “I could have borne it well, although I never saw the Sun.”
Eivass had been loved, and he had drunk the nectar of happiness. His family were all good people, and he grew up in a bright world—until the sun fell.
—He remembered.
Eivass’s eyes widened slightly, his breath momentarily ceasing.
Memories that he had deliberately forgotten were retrieved. It wasn’t like Unsealing, but rather like finally opening the homework he had put off for a whole holiday.
He had known of their existence for a long time, even their general content, but he had always refused to face them.
Even before the earthquake, Eivass had a vague sense of unease. He had seen insects crawling and toads in the streets. But he hadn’t paid attention to those fleeting feelings of unease. Only afterward did he feel the heart-wrenching guilt and remorse.
—If only I had paid attention to these omens back then. Eivass would sometimes think.
Waking up from a nightmare, drenched in cold sweat.
Many, many years later, he gradually forgot the guilt of that time. But that love, like the marks he had carved on the wall of his old home when he was a child and didn’t know any better, was deeply etched into his heart.
Perhaps it was because Eivass had experienced such beauty that he now craved it even more; or perhaps it was because only he survived the disaster that he would always subconsciously sacrifice himself to help others.
Because he had endured suffering, he wished others would not have to;
Because he had felt that powerlessness, he wanted to control his own fate;
And because only he was saved then, he was now fearless in harming himself.
It was a subconscious desire for self-destruction.
Before Eivass awakened his past life memories, he had always subconsciously chosen to sacrifice himself to help others; he always avoided the feelings and expectations of others, unwilling to accept their love.
It was like quitting the game after your account was stolen, not raising pets after your old ones died, or not remarrying after your spouse passed away… What Eivass resisted was precisely the love from others; and at its root, he hated his own weakness.
Because of this, Eivass would always subconsciously keep his distance from others.
His current Adaptability to the Path of Devotion and the Transcendent Path stemmed from this Subconscious.
If Isabel was exquisite but fragile glass, then Eivass was steel with a hard exterior but already full of cracks within.
—That was not emptiness, but fear.
Fear of disaster striking again, while he was powerless… the fear of being unable to save those he loved.
If that was the case, then it was better not to love at all. If one never possessed something, one would not grieve its loss.
“…So, I’m afraid too.”
Eivass realized, murmuring softly.
“What?”
Isabel hadn’t heard Eivass clearly and asked, somewhat Doubtful.
Her voice was vague and hoarse from sobbing. But her gentle voice sounded obedient.
“Nothing,”
Eivass said softly. “I just suddenly realized… that the biggest coward of all was actually me.”
He had been encouraging Isabel to overcome her fear, watching her gradually become stronger.
But wasn’t this also projecting his own fear onto her?
Her victory was his victory; by helping her stand up, he was helping his past self.
—The courage Eivass gave her had now become the courage she gave Eivass.
Even if Eivass recalled the past again, he would no longer feel fear because of it.
The moment he realized this, the restless heart within Eivass, which had been agitated by facing the past, gradually calmed down.
In Eivass’s Pupils, red and purple achieved an unprecedented harmony and balance.
“Lulu.”
He softly called Isabel by her other Name.
“Hmm?”
Isabel also seemed somewhat Doubtful. She shook her head and wiped her tears with Eivass’s shoulder before lifting her head from his embrace.
Eivass, however, wordlessly moved his hand, which was resting on her back, upwards. Golden Hair flowed through his fingers, and he gently cupped the back of Isabel’s head with his open hand.
Instantly, Isabel realized what was about to happen.
Her eyes widened slightly in surprise, her long lashes fluttering like butterfly wings, and a bright, watery sheen in her clear green eyes. She then closed her eyes, held her breath.
Eivass lowered his head and kissed.
First her forehead, then the tip of her nose. Finally, her lips.
Isabel’s soft, slender waist arched slightly backward, and Eivass held her tighter.
A light touch, and then they separated. He licked away the slightly bitter tears, until a low gasp escaped as he struggled for breath.
