Chapter 0: Love and Being Eaten
I don’t really know much about Kaoru Tsukiyose.
My first impression of this ghoul I met in the park at midnight was quite terrifying, even a bit too appalling, enough to leave a psychological scar.
The midnight bell chimed.
In an empty park.
A girl in a raincoat.
Gnawing on a corpse.
It was a party of horror elements, a development that sent shivers down my spine.
At that time, I thought I would surely become her meal. But she didn’t eat me; instead, she kindly healed my wounds.
I have no idea about the past of this ghoul, who has been alive for five hundred years, nor am I interested in finding out.
For a human like me, five hundred years is an incredibly long time, several times my maximum lifespan.
A human life is filled with ups and downs, experiencing many things. I can’t even imagine more. If one doesn’t learn to forget, one might become completely numb.
Therefore, I truly admire Xuan’er. She has lived for such a long time yet remains so straightforward, daring to love and hate.
She gets involved in everything, without considering the right or wrong of things, only helping her “friends.”
She is a ghoul with loyalty and righteousness, making most humans, including myself, feel inferior.
However, for beings with long lifespans, I believe this personality is precisely a flaw.
It’s easy to get caught up in trouble.
In Buddhist terms, it’s like “easily getting entangled in karma.”
This personality is not good for those who live for a long time.
To achieve longevity, one must not “meddle in other people’s affairs.” This makes sense.
And Kaoru Tsukiyose is precisely a ghoul who “cannot stand idly by.”
If it were a human with a long life, it would be fine. After all, humans are highly adaptable creatures; there are almost no things they cannot do or are forbidden from doing.
Even if there are, they are merely bound by moral concepts and humanity, but these are intangible. It’s not impossible to disregard them.
However, ghouls are different.
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Ghouls have three unbreakable taboos.
Taboos are forbidden dangerous actions, things that cannot be done.
Although I’ve mentioned them before, perhaps some people don’t remember, so I’ll introduce and analyze them for everyone.
First, do not kill to create corpses.
As the name suggests, ghouls are not allowed to kill people to create corpses.
According to legends and various film and television works, this can be verified. In most lore, ghouls are quite neutral beings.
Many works portray them similarly; although they are ugly, they are not particularly dangerous monsters. Cruel and a bit cunning, they raid graves and only eat dead flesh, making them more like hyenas than humans, more like bestial humanoids.
Despite their frightening appearance, they possess enough intelligence to converse with humans.
This is true, but as they consume more corpses, their intelligence and strength increase, and their appearance becomes more human-like.
Like Xuan’er and a ghoul boy named Yu, they are already indistinguishable from humans.
To become a ghoul like Xuan’er, one doesn’t need to eat one or two corpses, but thousands upon thousands of corpses to achieve sublimation, progressing through multiple stages to become a “Great Ghoul.”
If every ghoul were to kill for food, the world would surely descend into chaos. The reason for this prohibition might be an ancient tradition of the ghoul race, or a taboo set by a divine being; the reason is unknown, but no one dares to violate it.
In reality, no ghoul actually dares to kill extensively. That’s why the previous group of ghouls targeted the underground city inhabited by the undead, rather than slaughtering humans.
This shows that every ghoul tries to avoid killing as much as possible.
Second, do not consume one’s own soul.
When I first heard this, I was very confused. This taboo is quite strange.
Later, recalling the situation at the time, I remembered a ghoul saying that Xuan’er’s hair turned that way because she “ate a part of her soul related to her hair.”
That’s why Xuan’er’s hair became so grotesque at the time, moving freely as if some creature was attached to it.
But thinking about it more carefully now, I find more strangeness. Light Novel
Eating “one’s own soul,” doesn’t that mean that part of the soul is still within oneself? Does it disappear if eaten?
This reminds me of the legendary “Taotie,” whose ultimate fate was to devour itself. It’s hard to imagine, as how could one eat “oneself” when the mouth is on one’s own body? So, I used to lean towards the idea that “Taotie exploded from eating too much” rather than the legend of self-cannibalism.
Let’s continue. Let’s first define the verb “to eat,” meaning “to put something into one’s mouth and swallow it,” or “to live by means of something.”
Eating oneself seems like an impossible action. If it refers only to the soul, it is actually feasible.
Coincidentally, I once experienced death, so I know what it feels like for the soul to depart the body. A departed soul generally cannot return to the body, nor can it touch anything. But if one possesses the ability to touch souls, then the act of “the body” eating “the soul” becomes possible.
What consequences would this cause? I’m not entirely sure. Perhaps Xuan’er’s hair is a kind of “result.”
Third, do not eat one’s own kind.
This doesn’t mean that individuals of the same kind cannot kill each other, but rather that they cannot eat each other.
Eating one’s own kind is a monstrous act, and it’s the same across all species.
Humans are especially so; cannibalism is one of the three major taboos for humans, considered utterly inhuman. Even monkeys, who are somewhat similar to humans, do not eat their own kind.
I noticed this when watching horror movies: scenes of “people eating people” are more horrifying than “ghosts killing people” because they violate values. If someone not only feels no disgust but even a little excitement, I suggest seeking psychological help immediately.
Although I find it ironic, as this world is one where “people eat people,” just not physically, but in terms of their value.
It’s understandable why ghouls consider this a taboo, as all gregarious animals instinctively abhor such behavior.
But if you ask me… I actually think that if one only violates one of these three taboos, nothing significant would happen.
Why? Because everyone makes mistakes, right? If one accidentally kills someone, would they die? No, ghouls have no laws, and no one would “punish” them.
However, since they are listed as taboos, there must be a reason….
I repeat again: Ghouls have “three major taboos.”
If all three taboos are violated together, they become interconnected.
What happens if one eats their own soul, and then kills and consumes their own kind to complete their missing soul…?
I’ll tell you the answer directly.
They become “that” way.
A face without features, the entire back is a mouth, and the spinal bone has become a crown.
The heart beats with a thud, blood vessels churn, all internal organs are exposed, and the body is turned inside out.
When you take off socks, sometimes you turn them inside out, right? Yes, that’s Kaoru Tsukiyose’s current situation.
Starting from the mouth, it’s everted inward, consuming “itself” entirely.
The internal organs, which should be protected, are exposed as if to show them off to others, a sight that makes one want to vomit at first glance.
But I can’t vomit. If I did, I wouldn’t be worthy of being called human.
Because that is Kaoru Tsukiyose, or rather, something that was once Kaoru Tsukiyose.
Xuan’er violated all three taboos.
And ultimately became this way….
She became this way for me.
Reflecting on it now.
The transformation happened slowly.
Yet, neither of us noticed her change.
From July 3rd to August 31st.
That is, the summer vacation.
During this period, I was not involved in any unusual events.
It was a pleasant, carefree vacation.
I even broke free from… cough cough, let’s not mention that.
In short, this summer vacation might have been the happiest time of my life, Juncheng An’s life. In my old age, it will become one of my most precious memories.
And, it will also be one of the most unforgettable memories….
Because, this is what happened next.
It led me to an experience more terrifying than death, perhaps the torture of hell is only this severe.
After the summer vacation ended and the new semester began…
I was attacked by the ghoul (Kaoru Tsukiyose).
Thinking back now, this was entirely predictable.
There were signs.
But I didn’t pay attention, didn’t care.
So, this outcome is entirely my fault.
If I had noticed earlier then, at that place, things might not have turned out this way.
Perhaps there would have been room to maneuver, perhaps I could have prepared in advance… Ha, what if.
I’m truly hopeless…
It seems that whenever I get involved in an unusual event, I regret it like a woman, regretting why I didn’t notice it sooner.
In short, things have become this way.
I am about to be finished.
It’s foreseeable that the story surrounding Kaoru Tsukiyose has a bad ending.
It ushers in an unfortunate conclusion for everyone.
But before I’m finished, I want to explain properly why I’m about to be finished.
So, let me start by recounting from the beginning of the summer vacation.
Animals live, to eat and be eaten.
Humans live, to love and be loved.
The ghoul boy chose from these…
Love and being eaten.
