Chapter 35: Fate and Samsara
When she cried in front of me for the first time, I had no idea what was happening. I didn’t know the reason for her tears, nor how to handle it, so I ran away.
This time, however, she was crying in front of me again… and it pained me.
Yuhui Bai was such a strong girl. She didn’t shed a single tear when she took a knife for me, not even a whimper of pain.
But now she was crying, and so heartbroken.
Yuhui Bai had memories of her past lives. I didn’t know how many times she had reincarnated, but it was surely more than once.
More than one reincarnation…
Yuhui wiped her tears and said, “Ah… what is this… Sorry, you don’t need to mind me, I was just…”
I stepped forward, took her wrist, and had her face me. I comforted her, saying, “It’s alright, cry it out. You must have been holding it in for a long time… Sometimes, it’s very painful to be the only one remembering.”
“It must be very lonely.”
“Actually, I never cared about past lives or anything like that. Not even once.”
“I know… You never cared. I was just… because…”
“No matter why you came to my side to help me, to protect me, in my eyes, the person who did this is Yuhui Bai, the Xiao Bai I’ve known since I was a child.”
Although this was only judging by the outcome, it was how I felt.
“But… I shouldn’t have met you… I shouldn’t have crossed paths with you…”
“Why?”
“Because my fate with you, Lord Juncheng, has ended… I abandoned it with my own hands…”
As she spoke, Yuhui was in tears.
She clutched my sleeve tightly and sobbed, but refused to lean into my embrace or let her tears fall on me.
Even when I tried to wipe her tears, she dodged.
She just kept shaking her head, refusing, denying herself.
“The first time you died saving me, our first meeting was already a farewell before we ever knew each other. I bore a deep resentment. I just wanted to see you one more time, to tell you… this obsession remained even after my death. King Yama, seeing my deep obsession, brought me to hell to see Bodhisattva. After seeing Bodhisattva, I asked if I would have fate with you in the next life… Bodhisattva said…”
I listened quietly as she spoke of things I had never experienced, but I couldn’t say it had nothing to do with me. If it concerned her, it concerned me. I knew it was time to understand these things.
Was King Yama referring to Bo?
*SF Light Novel*
“‘No fate…’ Bodhisattva said I had no fate with you…”
“Then I said, ‘Then let us create fate.'”
“Bodhisattva shook her head and said, ‘You will regret it…’ At the time, I naively thought that as long as I could see you, I wouldn’t regret anything, no matter what happened… I was truly too naive…”
“‘Naive me said, ‘Seeing Jun without…’. Bodhisattva said, ‘Then you shall wait for a thousand…'”
“‘I said I am willing to wait a thousand years, just for one fate.'”
“Then in the second life, I met you as I wished… This life, we had deep interactions, and I truly fell in love with you… but I didn’t marry you… after all, I was just a beauty, a daughter kept on the outside… I still had resentment, so I continued to chase you… reincarnation after reincarnation…”
“Even after drinking Meng Po’s Soup, the obsession after reincarnation could break through the constraints, picking up fragmented memories in the long river of time… Each obsession became more… Sometimes I thought about giving up, letting everything scatter with the wind, dissipating into the heavens and earth without a trace. But fate played tricks… your figure would always appear in my mind at some point, an unforgettable sight that drew me back into reincarnation… like a nightmare…”
Again and again, wanting to obtain but ultimately unable to. Yet, she still waited.
Did she wait behind me for so long?
What was my past self doing? Yuhui has sacrificed so much for me, why didn’t she accept her! Why!
“Actually, even if you loved someone else, I wouldn’t mind anymore. Just being by your side is happiness… I thought so… But you weren’t happy…”
“In every life, I only brought you trouble and calamities… Because of me, you suffered so much…”
“I wanted to help you, to see you have a good ending, but I always, always messed everything up. Every time, it wasn’t a perfect ending…”
“Finally… I gave up… I don’t want to trouble you anymore, to make you endure so many trials, and shamelessly ask for a connection, that was just self-satisfaction… I ultimately regretted it…”
“After dying in the last life, I met Bodhisattva again and told her I gave up. I didn’t want you to suffer anymore…”
“Bodhisattva sighed and asked me, ‘Are you really giving up?’ She then told me, ‘You also came to seek fate, to seek a fate without even any interaction. After that, you reincarnated, searching for the person you wanted to see, but you gave up in this life… You are more tragic than me. You searched for thousands of years and couldn’t find the person you wanted to see… Always affectionate, but alas, without fate.'”
…Searching?
“Since I have given up, this obsession is resolved, and this life, I am free.”
“Perhaps this is why I instinctively rejected memories of past lives.”
Suddenly, I felt dizzy, as if a box had been opened, and memories flooded my mind.
I saw… myself?
This memory wasn’t mine, but… Bo’s?
“… Failed again?”
“Oh, you’re finally awake. Is your consciousness clear? You died quite miserably this life, stabbed by a woman… tsk tsk tsk.”
“…Huh?”
“You still remember me? That’s truly strange.”
“I drank too much of that Meng Po’s Soup, it’s barely effective on me anymore. I didn’t remember before, but after coming here, I recalled.”
“…Are you heading straight off, or do you want to rest for a while? Or perhaps, first with… hmm?”
“Stop joking, Bo. Although I’ve been around the block this life, young girls are not within my hunting range, you understand?”
“–Hey, hey, I’m older than you…”
“Don’t bring up age. No matter how old you are, you look like a young girl. I can’t accept it.”
“–In that case, I won’t bother you then. I’m leaving now.”
“–Are you still looking?”
“No, I’m not looking anymore. I don’t want to deal with those messy things. For the past nine lives, I lived for others. This time, I want to live for myself.”
“–Oh-ho, you’ve finally realized it? But you’re really not looking anymore? There’s still one life left. If you find her, the bet is yours.”
“I’m not looking anymore, not looking anymore. Truly… After searching the entire world, I still haven’t found that person. Who knows where she ran off to… Do you know what ‘heartbroken and discouraged’ means? If not, look at my face. It’s written all over it. Even an idiot should have woken up by now. I’ve been an idiot for nine lifetimes, this time I want to be an ordinary person.”
“–Then Bodhisattva Ksitigarbha…”
“Tell that bald donkey for me that I lost the bet. But he must be very disappointed. After all, I couldn’t transcend reincarnation, and he couldn’t attain Buddhahood. The result of reincarnation is just a joke. Once you get into character, you lose control. Fate has always been unpredictable…”
“–Even a gambler like you has days when you admit defeat…”
“–…Yes, I bet everything, and in the end, I couldn’t win against ‘fate’… I’m going. Next time… Ah, there’s no next time. We should say goodbye forever.”
Saying that, I waved my hand and jumped down.
But in the end, I didn’t hear Bo’s soft, lingering words.
“–You could have stayed here, then you wouldn’t have to… Why continue to be a human…”
Why continue to be a human…
Perhaps, although I said I wouldn’t look anymore, ‘I’ still wanted to continue…
—-
No, who was it I was looking for?
But in the end, I didn’t find her. A lifetime of fate, meeting for one life, and not uniting for several lifetimes…
Suddenly, I came back to my senses. Yuhui was still in front of me. She had been waiting for me all along, while I was looking for someone else and never once looked back at her.
“Then Bodhisattva told me that this way, I could wait one less life. This time, I could have a good fate with you, and we could fall in love, grow old together and die together. But… happiness that was within my grasp… I gave it up with my own hands…”
“I thought that perhaps if I got it, I would be disappointed… So I told Bodhisattva, I won’t wait… I gave up on having a connection with you… The real reason was that the person you were waiting for wasn’t… me. I was jealous…”
“I really… am so…”
She dared not look at me anymore, covering her face with her hands and squatting on the ground.
I looked at her for a moment of silence… and finally gathered the courage to take her hand and pull her into my embrace.
“Wait, Lord Juncheng…”
Yuhui realized her face was still messy and tried to pull away, but I grasped her hand and pulled her back.
And kissed her lips.
“…”
I held her head, embraced her waist, and kissed her tightly. I thought only this could calm her down.
A little frivolous, perhaps?
But it was effective.
After a long while, I released Yuhui. I felt the wetness on my face and looked at the blushing Yuhui, saying with a hint of amusement, “Heh, you’ve smeared your snot and tears all over my face, ah, and saliva too.”
Yuhui frantically tried to take out a handkerchief to wipe my cheeks. The moment she touched my face, I embraced her again.
“What my past self couldn’t promise you, I promise you this life…”
I gently soothed her back and said, “Stop crying, okay?”
“…You, you say things like that… I’m going to… Yuhui is about to cry again…”
“Then I’ll lick it all away.”
“…You’ve become so glib…”
“If you don’t like it, I won’t say it.”
I’m not very good at saying these sweet nothings… I learned them from manga.
“…I like it very… very much…”
But it seemed effective.
After I held her in my arms for a while, Yuhui’s emotions stabilized, and she continued speaking to me.
“Although I don’t know why this is happening, they, and even I, have gathered around you in this life, creating such immense karma. You had already given up and wanted to live a peaceful life, but we ruined everything…”
“I never blamed you all… Hmm? Wait, you said ‘we’. Does that mean there are other reincarnated people…?”
“Really?”
“Lord Juncheng… Actually, the ‘them’ who are gathered around you now, all had interactions with you in their past lives…”
“Hey? Are you saying Lianbing and the others?”
In past lives, they all had interactions with me?
“I never told you… because I don’t remember my past life memories very clearly, so I never mentioned it. But in each life, the one who formed a connection with you was someone else… Only recently have I slowly started to remember. Those women are all very familiar… Kaoru Tsukiyose too, she has lived from that time until now… Although I’ve always followed you, been by your side every life, and even been your wife, I wasn’t one of them…”
I was so surprised my jaw dropped.
“They are your fated partners! Although that was only for that specific life.”
I thought past life relationships only involved Yuhui, but it turned out others were also connected to me in past lives!
