Chapter 54.9: Day Eleven
Kaoru Tsukiyose’s Sense of Belonging:
Unconsciously, he grew taller than me. Human lifespans are truly short. If it continues like this, he’ll die before me.
“I still want to stay with him…”
No! I don’t want to be separated from him! I’ll find a way to extend his life.
Found it! I finally found it! Mermaid’s flesh! If I eat this, I will also live forever!
Why won’t you eat it? Don’t you know how rare this is? If I ate it, I wouldn’t have to worry about all sorts of bothersome things anymore… Isn’t being with me good enough?
…He’s leaving… Idiot: Stupid! Stupid! Why are you leaving! You said you’d definitely come back to me… Are you an idiot!
You must come back!
I miss him, I want to see him, and unconsciously I’ve picked up his scent… When will you… come back?
…He’s dead…
Even though he’s already dead… he still came back.
…I’ll eat your ashes, your corpse, and we’ll never be separated again…
…Ahhh!
It hurts, my head hurts so much.
This memory completely disappeared.
Yes, …that’s right, it must be like this…
It was I myself who ‘ate’ that memory…
I devoured that part of my soul, which is why I lost that part of my memory…
A disgusting feeling surged into my heart.
My throat felt blocked by something, my chest felt like it was inflating, and my stomach churned. This is…
I desperately endured this discomfort. My internal organs, unable to bear it any longer, were protesting. Something was expanding inside me, threatening to burst my body.
Up until now, I’ve never vomited anything I’ve eaten.
But right now, I feel like I’m going to throw up…
“Xun! Senior Xun! What’s wrong!”
Yu Hui’s voice rang out again, sometimes loud, sometimes soft, sometimes near, sometimes far, as if it were a voice from another world…
I felt dizzy and my vision darkened from the edges. I covered my mouth with both hands to prevent myself from vomiting, but I couldn’t stop the flood.
My hands clutched my throat, and with sobs, I vomited violently. A large amount of black liquid spewed from my mouth.
Soon, the ground around me was covered in black.
F Light Novel
I ended up vomiting it all out. I felt like I’d thrown up everything in my body.
I coughed and coughed until tears streamed down my face.
Huh?
What did I just vomit out?
Lunch? But I haven’t eaten much… I only had some sea urchin porridge that Juncheng fed me yesterday, and his blood…
But why would I vomit so much… And what I vomited didn’t seem like food scraps. It seemed like some kind of black…
The black liquid covered the ground, and everything around was dark. Tentacles emerged from it, growing upwards like wild water weeds, then spreading outwards.
Is this my hair? I even thought he might gradually replace me, but Fafa wouldn’t do something like that, I know that much.
Yu Hui is gone. It seems this is no longer the real world, but my consciousness world.
Even with hundreds of years of experience, I still feel afraid in this pitch-black space. I haven’t grown at all. I hate dark places.
My consciousness world wasn’t like this originally. Was it influenced by something?
“Fafa, is that you? Stop playing jokes. Hurry up and restore this place to how it was.”
I stood up and spoke to these dancing black tentacles.
But they ignored me. I got angry and wanted to go forward to see what was happening.
At that moment, the black tentacles began to wrap around me from my feet upwards. The feeling in the parts of my body that were wrapped disappeared, as if I had lost those limbs.
I was startled and quickly tried to lift my legs with all my might, wanting to break free from these tentacles, but it was useless!
How could this be! My strength is supposed to be among the best of all ghouls!
Alas, reality tells me that resistance is futile as the tentacles continue to spread upwards.
The sticky, wet sensation made me cry out. It was so disgusting!
The spreading stopped only after my entire lower body was wrapped. At this point, I could no longer feel my lower body and had no way to escape. I was completely immobilized.
“That is your soul.”
“My… soul?”
The voice came from the surrounding darkness, but it wasn’t Fafa’s hoarse voice.
It was a very gentle voice, seeming to contain some kind of magic, like a spring breeze brushing against my cheek, it made… my skin crawl!
For some reason, I instinctively felt fear upon hearing this voice. Despite its saintly, kind, and gentle tone, it sent chills down my spine.
“Yes, your soul. You vomited your soul.”
“Soul…”
How could this black substance be my soul?
…Phil did say that my soul was already wrapped by black tentacles…
And it does feel like something important is missing from my body…
Did I vomit out my soul? That would be terrible.
Among the three integral components of life—body, spirit, and soul—the soul is the most important.
The body is the vessel for the soul, and the spirit relies on the soul. As the link between body and spirit, losing one’s soul means the spirit dissipates; the rational part of the spirit is lost, and one reverts to a beast acting on instinct, or even becomes an idiot who cannot act.
Furthermore, most importantly… one loses their memory.
The voice spoke again, and my heart trembled.
No, I don’t want to lose my soul anymore. I don’t want to forget anymore.
“Then consume. Regain what you’ve lost by eating.”
The surrounding black tentacles suddenly disintegrated, turning into a mass of black mist that dissipated. The already pitch-black sky became even darker. Water-like black droplets began to fall, and upon hitting my skin, they spread like shadows.
It’s so cold. My clothes had long since disappeared, and my body was submerged in the black water.
I cupped my hands to catch the black droplets. The black droplets condensed into black spheres in my palms, like pills, just the right size to swallow.
I silently asked.
“Yes, eat it and reclaim your soul, my child.”
Me—child?
This voice… is it mine… No, how could a ghoul have parents?
Speaking of which, where do ghouls originate from?
No, now is not the time to discuss the origin of ghouls. I’ve already vomited out my soul, and I have to eat it again…
“I don’t want to eat anymore.”
“Why?”
In SF Light Novel
“I don’t want to eat… Why do ghouls have to eat human corpses?”
The voice didn’t answer, but instead asked, “By eating others, you gain what you lack. Isn’t that a remarkable talent?”
“But I don’t want this talent that hurts my friends!”
“Yes, don’t think I don’t know what these black things are; they are the ‘sins’ I vomited out together. Did you hear me?”
“No? These things you’ve vomited out are simply things you couldn’t digest.”
Couldn’t digest…
“In a distant land, when you encounter something you cannot digest, you… you did as I said, good child.”
…
“No, that’s not right—what I vomited out is…”
“The flesh and blood of the weak are assimilated and absorbed by the strong, and their will is subjugated. Their lives continue to exist in another form.”
“To maintain the fertility of the soil that bears all life, the decaying life, its flesh and bones, must be returned regularly.”
“To expel the source of all life, one must also devour all life. Only then can Samsara continue…”
To eat is to share… I think I understand.
I’ve understood… since the beginning (since birth).
“You don’t want to forget either, do you? My gentle child, devour this darkness and reclaim your soul.”
The black liquid flowing on the ground began to boil violently, leaping like a fountain and then creating a vortex.
The black water gathered towards me, climbed onto my feet, my body, spread upwards, passed my waist and chest, and reached my mouth.
I scooped up the black sphere and put it in my mouth, but for a moment I couldn’t swallow it. The nausea surged again, and I wanted to vomit again. At that moment, the black water that had climbed onto my body entered my mouth and helped me swallow the black ball.
But this black water is the same as that black ball, still making me feel like vomiting. My blocked esophagus wouldn’t allow foreign objects to enter.
At this point, it was no longer a matter of my will. The black water automatically poured into my mouth, accumulating in my mouth and slowly flowing from the corners of my lips.
If I can’t swallow it, I’ll bite it open!
I made up my mind and took a fierce bite. A rusty taste exploded in my mouth, filling my entire nasal cavity, making it hard to breathe.
It’s blood… A familiar taste.
The liquid dripping onto the ground began to mix with some red. The disgusting feeling gradually faded. The red and black liquid, with the added seasoning, was no longer difficult to swallow.
Rather, it was a little tasty.
I really wanted to swallow it down, but for some reason, I felt I couldn’t drink it. This must be the blood of someone very important.
…Yes, it must be his… What should I call you? Should I call you “Little Transparent-kun” like Li Nai? That doesn’t seem right…
…This way of calling you sounds strange. Let’s just call you…
…What was it?
Hee hee, look, calling you by your surname would seem too distant, wouldn’t it? We’ve already had intimate contact, haven’t we?
…He, who is he?
I can’t, I can’t eat him anymore!
Only him, I absolutely refuse to eat him!
“No! I refuse to forget him!”
I suddenly opened my eyes and returned to reality.
The first thing I saw was a man’s face.
His face looked tired, his mouth twitched, and his complexion was pale.
When the man saw me, he looked relieved, let out a long sigh, and smiled, saying:
“Phew, it seems you’ve recovered… Good morning, Xuan’er… Welcome back, in any case.”
He… knows my name.
But I… don’t recognize him.
“Who are you?”
I asked without thinking. The other party froze.
“Huh?”
He looked surprised. Could it be that we knew each other before?
Then why don’t I remember his name?
…I still can’t remember, but he feels very familiar, and I really want to stay by his side.
Looking at him gives me a feeling of being home.
“Well, no matter who you are,”
I welcome you.
“Huh?!”
