Chapter 53: Sabbath of the Forgotten (4)
What?
Suicide?
Zihua committed suicide?
Why would Juncheng ask that?
We were together the entire time, sharing information. How could Juncheng know about this?
Zihua didn’t deny it, nor did she admit it directly. Instead, she asked Juncheng in return.
“Why would you think that?”
“It’s because you never said anything, that’s why I thought that.”
“Said what? What are you referring to?”
“Besides the underlying issues, my intuition tells me that the topic that follows isn’t light.”
I couldn’t help but interrupt, not wanting to be excluded from the conversation.
“Zi’ai, didn’t you ask me before? What kind of ‘ending’ did Zihua face?”
“That, it… but isn’t it without an answer? Zihua didn’t tell me either.”
I had asked Zihua about this in person, but she said she couldn’t say it out loud for fear of being discovered by someone.
“Discovered?”
Did Juncheng deduce something from this?
But what more could be gleaned from the answer “without an answer”? Zihua hadn’t given them any crucial hints.
“Yes, she didn’t say it. But we all have a guess, don’t we? Because Zihua revealed something important to us, but she herself didn’t take it seriously.”
“A guess…”
Did Zihua reveal something else?
I searched my memory. Since I wouldn’t forget, everything that had happened up until now was vivid.
But no matter how I thought about it, I couldn’t recall what else Zihua had told us. Did only Juncheng notice it?
“After coming to this past from five years ago, Zihua told me that the most important things were to prevent my death and to stop Li Nai from becoming…”
“Yes, indeed, the only important things were these two. Now that we’ve received great help from that maid, isn’t everything alright?”
“I’ve been wanting to say, Zihua, have you forgotten something? Or perhaps, to prevent me from worrying too much, you…”
But only now did I realize. It wasn’t that you hadn’t mentioned it, but Zihua, you subconsciously believed “this isn’t something important,” and therefore didn’t mention it.
“I heard from Lanhua that you, Zihua, are the Lanhua of the future. After dying in the future, you would return to the past…”
That’s right, but hadn’t we already known this?
“The key is in ‘having died.’ I’ve been wondering why future Lanhua died. Did something happen? Is that why Lanhua died? Besides Lanhua, were others also in trouble? Generally, people would think that. Zihua, you came back to the past to usher in an ending where everyone is happy.”
“Is that… isn’t it…?”
“But is that really true? Is the future really that terrible?”
“Huh?”
…Really that terrible?
…Wait, why do I believe the future is terrible?
In the end, no one has ever said what the future is like, right?
Zihua herself hasn’t said anything.
It’s just that after receiving news of Zihua’s death, we felt that a tragedy would occur in the future.
But generally, people would think that way. After all, death is the biggest tragedy. If even one person dies, it’s not a happy ending; it’s a tragedy, a bad ending.
…What if Zihua intentionally made us think that way?
Juncheng asked me.
Fate corrects the world’s development on its own.
“Zi’ai, don’t you remember what Shirley told us? Shirley did say that fate corrects the direction of the world’s development, so it won’t be destroyed. And when I asked her if we were safe in the future, the answer was yes.”
…No one died.
Shirley would never lie to us because she had no reason to. And the future she saw was certain, meaning it was a ‘foregone conclusion.’
If that’s the case…
“In that case, Zihua, how did you die?”
Death itself is questionable.
…Hoo… You noticed even this? I see, this is truly… a cause for rejoicing.
Zihua’s expression gradually relaxed, and a faint, warm smile naturally appeared on her face.
Zihua picked up the kitchen knife in her hand and placed it on her neck, making a suicidal gesture.
“It’s like this, I used Xueqing’s dagger and lightly drew it across my neck in the nighttime. After a while, I died. The blood loss was enormous, completely staining my clothes~”
Her tone was cheerful, but her eyes were vacant.
Black as ink, lifeless.
Zihua didn’t take the deaths of others lightly. More than that, she didn’t even take her own death lightly!
She ended her own life with her own hands.
A suicide’s soul will forever… She didn’t even have a soul.
“Of course, before that, I personally killed ‘others’ too.”
Zihua was no longer looking at us. She rubbed the edge of the knife with her index finger, gazing at its side as if lost in thought.
“The first one to die was Xun. But because Xun’s body was too tough, ordinary weapons were difficult to kill her with.”
Killed Xun?
I never understood where Zihua’s immense Destiny Power came from. Did it ‘gather’ in this way?
Does that mean…
“She was killed by a mithril bullet specifically designed to restrain ghouls, hitting her chest. But Xun’s vitality was too tenacious. Even a shot to the heart didn’t kill her, so I shot her in the head again.”
There was no regret, nor did it sound like repentance.
She was merely calmly recounting the process of killing.
…Murderer… No… A murderess.
That’s why she’s a murderess.
Because she couldn’t perceive her own sin.
“When I died, something terrible happened, you know? The Famine Calamity broke out, the city turned to dust, and all life withered away. Then, the daughter of that god, the Outer God, descended again, creating countless black goat cubs.”
Just like that time…
No, it was worse than that time.
That god’s daughter, An Yanling. Killing a god wasn’t easy. Even if she stood still and let me kill her, it would take a lot of effort. For this, we specifically went to the European branch of the organization related to Juncheng’s adopted daughter and retrieved the Spear of Longinus.
Then, I killed Juncheng’s adopted daughter. The moment I killed Amaterasu, the Fire Calamity broke out. The sun fell, the earth cracked, and turned into an endless wasteland. It was quite a spectacular sight.
“Enough!”
“Don’t say another word!”
I couldn’t listen anymore.
Why!
Why, why, why!
In order to concentrate Destiny Power… to seize that sliver of a chance to change the past, no matter the cost?
I cried out powerlessly in my heart, unwilling to believe everything I heard.
It wasn’t that I didn’t understand what Zihua had done, nor was I questioning her reasons.
Instead, I was asking myself—asking myself, but unable to answer.
Because this plan was proposed by my future self…
Agreeing to sacrifice others… for a chance to change the past.
Why…
“Hoo, after I committed suicide, perhaps a great flood occurred. Hoo, but I didn’t get to see it. After killing the last person, Ji Taibing, the abyss of death spread. Under an uncontrollable impulse, I committed suicide with Xueqing’s Seven-Star Sword.”
Zihua licked the blood from the kitchen knife’s blade with her tongue. But her tongue was also cut by the blade, causing more blood to flow.
Juncheng lowered his head, silent. His expression was unreadable.
But it must be unbearable, painful.
To think that the people he wanted to protect all died. He definitely couldn’t accept such an ending.
“In order not to be captured by fate, to not be affected by the law of causality and return to the past to change it, I abandoned my body and also… abandoned this form before death.”
“I completed the Four Calamities, achieved great freedom, and became…”
“Four Calamities?”
That was what Noha had mentioned. The destiny that resided within Juncheng!
“Yours, Juncheng, is slightly different? What I abandoned in the end was not my spirit, meaning not ‘completeness,’ but my soul, meaning ‘shedding.’”
“Can the content of destinies be different?”
“I can complete the Four Calamities, but you, Juncheng…”
“Of course, the same destiny takes different forms when it resides in different people. As for me…”
“Yes, I returned to the past specifically to stop you from completing the Four Calamities. I also resurrected you to prevent the ‘Seven Calamities’ in the Four Calamities from being completed.”
“This is again…”
“It also harbors two other great destinies, the Three Calamities and the Two Tribulations, a total of nine.”
“…This is the karma you cultivated through your Samsara of hatred for the world.”
“But these are just superficial manifestations. We were all being used. In that moment, we became worthless and lost our reason for existence.”
No one died.
A happy ending? Hoo…ridiculous!
She said with endless hatred.
Zihua spat fiercely. The kitchen knife was stuck into the cutting board. “What we ushered in was an ending more difficult to accept than death.”
“Indeed, no one died. But what meaning is there in living on like that?”
Her obsession stemmed from here.
I was too shallow before, trying to persuade her.
How could such an obsession, transcending life and death,
“So, even if it means the end of the world, even if I have to kill my friends, even if I have to abandon my soul by committing suicide, I don’t want to…”
“You…”
“What? Disappointed? Yes, I’m sorry. I’m just that kind of selfish woman, even until the end. Even if you hate me, Juncheng, I won’t…”
“It must be painful.”
Juncheng raised his head again. He wasn’t angry, just sad.
Sad for everything Zihua had experienced.
Sad for Zihua.
He walked over and hugged Zihua, holding her tightly. He uttered those three words.
“I’m sor—…”
*Clang!* The kitchen knife fell to the ground. Tears also streamed from Zihua’s eyes.
“Why say that! I’ll tell you: I love you, and I also hate you.”
She sobbed.
