Chapter 33.6 Confession of a Stalker (Beginner)
Confession of a Stalker (Beginner):
When did I first start paying attention to Juncheng An?
I remember that very clearly. It was during the seating arrangements in the first semester of our first year of high school.
I drew a lot and ended up in the seat diagonally behind him.
Actually, I didn’t pay attention to him at first. I didn’t even know his name. I think most people in the class were the same.
He had a weak presence, was very aloof, and didn’t interact with others. He was like living proof that denied the statement “humans are social animals,” always by himself.
It made one wonder, didn’t he feel lonely?
Thinking about it now, that might have been the origin of my attention towards him.
But at that time, it was only a mild level of concern, not to the point of constantly watching him.
If you ask what triggered it, perhaps there wasn’t one specific event.
It was just that my seat was diagonally behind him, so I could see him if I just turned my head. And I happened to like looking at the blue sky outside the window, so I often noticed him.
At first, I just noticed small details, like how he could write with both his left and right hands, that he’d insert the pencil lead from the tip, and that his rectangular eraser would eventually become round. His notes were neatly copied, as if printed by a machine. During his free time, he’d look at his phone, usually reading e-books or manga…
I’ve always been someone who notices details, so it wasn’t strange that I observed him to this extent when he entered my sight…
However, every time I looked at him, I discovered something new, and gradually I started looking forward to looking at him.
It was like finding a fun pastime, a normal thing to do, right?
Later, everyone in the class found their own little groups and mostly sat with people they knew. Only our corner, due to his and Jiang Xueqing’s presence, had a somewhat awkward atmosphere.
Sakura asked me to switch to the seat in front of her, but I refused.
Why did I refuse? Even though sitting with a friend and chatting would be more enjoyable… If I had to say, perhaps it was because I had gotten used to this seat. Looking at him occasionally didn’t feel boring anymore.
He was truly a very strange guy.
He was meticulous in everything he did, as precise as a robot, with fixed patterns and habits.
Seeing him, I could feel a strong sense of self.
He didn’t have the typical confusion about the future that people his age had. He was simply steady, following a set plan, step by step moving towards his own future.
Looking at him, I couldn’t help but feel that this is how a person should live.
After that, I gradually started paying attention to his affairs.
I learned his name was Juncheng An, given to him by his grandfather…
I learned his father was a surgeon and his mother was a mortician, which explained his cold personality…
I learned he had two younger sisters, who were the same age as him but had little interaction at school…
I learned many things about him…
But at that time, he was just an object of observation for me, like observing plants or small animals, only interested in his lifestyle and behavior patterns.
This psychological shift happened again after the last exam, during the report card distribution.
When my name was called, I went up to get my report card.
Teacher Xiaozhen handed me my report card and exam papers. I took them and glanced at them. My grades on the report card were only a little above the average, and my rank was exactly 200th.
Sigh… I was too focused on Juncheng An and didn’t listen properly in class…
“Lanhua, you’ve regressed. If this keeps up, you might fall out of the second group! You seem distracted lately. Is something on your mind?”
Hearing Teacher Xiaozhen’s question, I immediately panicked.
“Huh? It’s nothing…”
“Oh? Well, if you have any worries, you can talk to me.”
“Okay…”
I couldn’t talk to the teacher about this kind of thing, haha…
“Juncheng~”
I smiled wryly, intending to return to my seat, but Teacher Xiaozhen called him next.
“Oh.”
Juncheng An responded indifferently and rose from his seat, walking towards the lectern. As he walked towards me, I don’t know why, but I froze!
Only after he brushed past me could I finally move, repeatedly thinking, “Did my expression look strange? Did he notice me looking at him?”
“Very good, a big improvement! This time you’re 201st! With a little more effort, you’ll be in the second group!”
Teacher Xiaozhen, standing on a footstool, patted Juncheng An’s shoulder with a pleased expression.
“Wow, that guy’s so unlucky. He’s exactly 201st. He must hate the person in front of him.”
Mengfa, a guy with dyed brown hair and a frivolous look, chimed in beside me.
Is that so…?
I couldn’t help but look back at him. His back was to me, so I didn’t know his expression.
Would he feel resentful? Would he start disliking me? Would his unchanging expression change?
The thought that he might change because of me filled me with a sense of accomplishment… Is that what it’s called?
I sat back in my seat foolishly. That feeling hadn’t disappeared. My heart fluttered inexplicably. Something about me must be changing.
“Yes, yes…”
“Don’t always look so uninterested. Actually, Juncheng, if you put in the effort, you could easily break into the first group!”
“Teacher Xiaozhen, you think too highly of me. I’m not that capable.”
“Heh~ Really~”
“Of course. I’m already giving it my all. Besides, evening study sessions are quite interesting too.”
I’m so curious. So curious. So curious.
I’m overwhelmingly curious!
I’ve become extremely interested in Juncheng An.
For some reason, I’m very interested in him, even though he’s such an unremarkable person, the complete opposite of a popular beautiful girl like myself.
Although I can’t compare to a stunning beauty like Ji Lianbing, I’m quite confident in my own appearance. I’m a level 5 beauty walking down the street, making men turn their heads!
Yet, he probably doesn’t even know my name…
Gradually, I started wanting to know how he sees me.
Maybe he’s also interested in me?
— I’ve hidden it until now, but I can’t help it anymore. I want to tell you, actually, regarding Lanhua… (Girl’s heart filtering device)
Ah~
Cough, cough… No, what am I thinking… I’ve never felt this way before… Is he feeling the same way I am right now?
I spend most of my day watching him… More time than before observing him.
When I realized I was the only one watching him, I was filled with another emotion, perhaps a sense of possession.
Only I am watching him, only I am gazing at him, only I care about his affairs, only I… know his value!
Others surely don’t know anything about him, others surely don’t understand him as well as I do, as if it were a secret belonging only to him and me… I was lost in this one-sided sense of possession, unable to extricate myself.
Then last Thursday, the peace I thought would last forever was shaken.
After chatting with Lianbing, he walked into the classroom.
He was almost late that day. Normally, he would enter the classroom between 6:54 and 6:56 AM. Today, he walked in right as the bell rang.
I watched him for the first half of the evening study session, so I deduced something must have happened after it ended.
Having become extremely familiar with him, I recognized the change in him at a glance.
It felt… different.
He gave off a different feeling.
Did he grow taller? Or did he mature? Or did he gain some growth?
He seemed more attractive.
My heart suddenly started beating faster.
Huh? What’s happening? What’s happening?
If it’s like this, he’ll notice… But I couldn’t look away, I just wanted to keep staring at him.
Could it be, could it be that he’s planning to confess to someone? Judging by his flustered demeanor when he entered the classroom earlier, he seemed hesitant about something.
Maybe he’s planning to confess to someone? Maybe it’s me?
— Actually… Lanhua, I’ve never told you before, I… like you! (Girl’s heart filtering device)
In the end… there was a confession, but it wasn’t Juncheng confessing to someone else; it was him being confessed to…
Why, Lianbing, why… (Girl’s heart shattered)
Am I finally not the only one watching him?
Others are also starting to notice him, and it’s Lianbing…
Damn it, I really hate this!
It feels like my inner sanctuary has been defiled. It’s unbearable… so unbearable!
Why did it turn out this way…
It was me, it was me first. It was me who noticed him first… whether it was caring about him, watching him, or falling for that guy!
Huh? Falling for him?
Falling in love… Is that it… I love him.
Finally, I realized the source of this feeling. My initial concern had turned into love, stirring my heart and mind.
I love him!
I didn’t expect it to take so long just to realize this. If I had discovered it sooner, confessed sooner, Lianbing wouldn’t have gotten there first, right?
But… it’s too late for regrets now.
Juncheng An will be returning to school today.
I heard he fell down the stairs and was hospitalized with injuries. This coincidentally gave me time to adjust my feelings.
Yes, I’m ready to confess… I’m going to convey my feelings to him!
“Little Lan~ Lan~”
“Lan Lan~ Lu~”
“What are you yelling about! You watched those brutal animations again yesterday, didn’t you!”
“Pfft… Don’t hit me out of nowhere. You violent person…”
“What, did you say~~~”
A girl wearing headphones and a boy wearing a pair of old-fashioned thick-rimmed glasses walked over from a distance. The girl had her arms around the boy’s neck, holding him in an arm lock. My childhood friends, Yingnuo Gao and Yingliang Luo, were already interacting first thing in the morning.
“Oh hey? Changed your hairstyle today, did you? Took some effort, huh? Very cute. Hehe, have you made up your mind?”
“Hmm? Yes. Today you’re wearing a side ponytail, giving a fresh and lively vibe. Plus, Lanhua, you’re naturally an outgoing person, so your cuteness has basically doubled.”
“Wow… That’s a really detailed critique. So disgusting…”
“Do you have a problem with me?”
They started arguing again, while I was thinking about other things.
If I dress up meticulously like this, will he start to take an interest in me too?
And then, I will confess to him.
In the bustling hallway, I slowed my pace as much as possible. It was 6:55 AM. He should be here soon.
Hoo… Don’t rush, Lanhua.
Maintain your composure.
As I took a deep breath, Sakura patted my shoulder and said with a playful smile,
“Lanhua, he’s here?”
My heart clenched fiercely, my nervousness almost bursting!
I closed my eyes, calmed my rapidly beating heart, and resolutely turned my head!
“………………………………?”
Glasses… A glasses look…
So cute! So cute!
Waaah, waaaaah… Oh no, I want to take a picture!
I want to take a picture and set it as my phone wallpaper!
Hoo… Calm down, my heart! Calm down, Lanhua! This is not the time to be happy. The time to cheer is after the confession is accepted!
“Um… Jun…”
I couldn’t call out his name. He didn’t even look at me.
He walked straight past me, greeting someone behind me instead.
“Yo, Yingliang, you’re early today.”
“Uh…”
“What’s wrong? Why the constipated look?”
“N-no, um, I’ll need you to help me destroy the files on my cloud drive…”
“Why are you suddenly saying something like a dying declaration?!”
Ah… That’s right…
“…”
To him, I was just a stranger I’d pass by without even greeting, someone I had no interaction with.
Even Yingliang ranked higher than me, because I wasn’t even his friend.
It was always me who cared about him, not him caring about me.
A one-sided arrow (unrequited love) has no outcome. We’ve never intersected…
Why… Is it because I don’t understand him enough?
Am I not close enough to him?
What if the person I like doesn’t like me back? Should I give up? Should I just watch the person I like fly away to someone else, fall into another woman’s embrace, while I tell myself, “As long as the person I love is happy,” and then cry myself to sleep late at night?
Ridiculous! Ridiculous love, ridiculous letting go, ridiculous heartache!
Love, my love for him isn’t enough, not strong enough!
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you! I love your hair, your eyes, every move you make… Just seeing you makes me feel like I’m truly alive. I really love you, I really, really love you! You’re the one I love most in the world!
But this isn’t enough. What’s needed is a deeper connection!
Right, I need to love him…
With deeper feelings, with more love.
I’m no longer satisfied with just “watching.” I want to understand more, I want to know more about him.
I want to enter his daily life, become a part of him, and feel everything about him from up close!
… … …
Title Update:
Stalker (Beginner) → Stalker (Intermediate)
