Chapter 61.1 [Juncheng An]’s Possessiveness
“Juncheng, thank you for cherishing me so much.”
It took a few seconds for my brain to process what her sudden thanks meant.
My mind was instantly filled with questions like, “Did she already know?” “How did she find out? I definitely didn’t let her see my phone.” “Was it Zihua? What’s going on?” Of course, there were no answers.
But as I watched Zi’ai run away, I instinctively reached out and couldn’t help but call out.
“Wait! Zi’ai! Don’t!”
My outstretched hand grasped only emptiness. Watching her leave, I surprisingly didn’t chase after her immediately, just stared blankly ahead.
I used Thought Acceleration right away, but my body didn’t move. Endless, unsolvable questions played on repeat in my mind.
Should I follow her? What could I do if I did? And if Zi’ai really went through with it, what right did I have to stop her? She was doing this for me, so was I supposed to tell her face-to-face, “You don’t need to sacrifice so much for me”? Wouldn’t stopping her mean all her efforts were in vain? Wouldn’t that be completely negating her words?
My mind was full of questions, yet utterly useless. I knew deep down that these questions had no answers, and I couldn’t convince myself that dwelling on them was just a waste of time. Still, I was lost in these unnecessary thoughts, unable to make a decision.
It was agonizing, like my throat was being choked, my heart squeezed, and my chest heavily compressed. I bit down hard on my teeth, but it offered no relief.
Ah… When did I become so indecisive? I couldn’t even stand myself. Before, I used to scorn protagonists who were indecisive and missed opportunities, leading to terrible endings. If they could have just made a decision sooner, they wouldn’t have faced the worst outcome. They’d make onlookers anxious while regretting it themselves. And now, I’d become one of those indecisive people.
How wonderful it would be if no one had any expectations of me, if no one loved me. Then, even if I disappeared, no one would grieve for me. But I had already made a choice, hadn’t I? The choice to accept the part of myself that stepped into the abnormal, the joy I felt from knowing them, and the desire to do something for them – all of that belonged to me.
A sound escaped my lips. So that’s it… It felt like a sudden enlightenment, a “Now I know who I am.”
“…”
So, I had it too… Possessiveness. I, who my mom said was suited to become a monk, a content and easygoing, veteran Buddhist youth, also wanted things. This was why I hesitated, unable to let go of anyone, and in turn, tied my own hands. Because it wasn’t just my sacrifice that would lead to a HAPPY ENDING. Zihua’s future experiences told me that my absence would be the worst possible outcome for them. But I didn’t want to lose any of them either… It was like the Gift of the Magi, where their mutual consideration backfired. This contradiction was unsolvable. It was a ‘paradox’ that would inevitably happen in human relationships. But I still had to face it… Regretting it, feeling sad, but ultimately, I could only accept it.
I stood up and went downstairs. At the same time, a large number of zombies surged into the house. But these zombies didn’t attack me; they completely ignored my existence and squeezed into the narrow underground passage. Of course, they didn’t see me as a companion; I simply wasn’t their target. The Organization was likely controlling these zombies with Miss Akiko’s corpse, a part of their plan to prevent Li Nai, who had now awakened as Plague’s Calamity, from using her Destiny Power. I knew about these matters because Zihua had written them in her remaining text messages. She had also left behind a way to change the future. This novel, the novel of doom. This was likely planned from the beginning, within the Organization’s plan, and upon Fate’s design, our actions and events… It was no longer a matter of ‘prediction,’ but more like an inevitable ‘prophecy.’ Perhaps not even Shirley could have perfectly predicted such an unpredictable future. It was a flawless plan set by a future Zi’ai An. After Zihua disappeared, having exhausted her Destiny Power, neither Zi’ai nor I could use Destiny Power, and thus lacked the ability to change the future. That’s precisely why Zi’ai was arranged to come here. In this past, it was as if there were two of me, and two Zi’ais. However, Zi’ai was different; she originally only had a soul and could only exist by attaching herself to someone. But now, she had gained a body, and her existence was proven through her paradox ability. She was a ‘complete’ human. This meant she met the initial condition of being a Master of Fate. And what is called destiny… All beings in the world have lives, they turn in samsara, hence it is called destiny. Lianbing and I share karmic ties from previous lives, which is why we formed a destiny. Zi’ai may not have such karmic ties from previous lives, but two souls can be considered ‘two lives.’ In the end, as long as there is a strong causal connection intertwining each other, with distinctions of primary and secondary, anyone can become a Master of Fate or destined. A man-made destiny, only at this moment will Zi’ai become capable of using Destiny Power, and thus be able to pay the price for changing the future. …If I used Destiny Power… I was like a truly mindless zombie, squeezed forward with great effort amidst a herd of zombies. When I reached the front, I saw Li Nai and Zi’ai embracing each other, while my younger self lay to the side. The zombies surrounded that glass wall, and even I was isolated outside. I desperately banged on the glass, shouting into the room, but I knew it was futile. Zi’ai wouldn’t look back anymore. “You…” “You did it for him, and I did it for him, that’s all.” “What did you do to me?” “I just gave you ‘life.’ I can’t do amazing things like Juncheng who can rewrite reality with a word, but I can let you live, and that’s enough.” Li Nai was enveloped in white light, as was the younger me beside her. I had seen that light on Xiao An before… Fiery, intense, shining at birth, the light of life. Li Nai would still absorb all the Zombie Virus into her body. But this time, she wouldn’t become a zombie. Zombies were originally an ambiguous existence between life and death, but with Zi’ai’s empowerment, her process from life to death would be reversed. In other words, she would be reborn. “Thank you.” “Heh, aren’t you going to follow up with ‘You gave me a chance to be reborn’?” “Thank you for giving me a chance to be reborn.” The words spoken righteously, her joking words didn’t sound like a joke anymore… Li Nai stood up and resolutely opened the door. As she passed me, she said, “Please take good care of them for me.” “I will.” Just like the Li Nai I knew, always bravely charging forward, a stubborn idiot. And it was precisely because of her influence that I became who I am today. I didn’t want to see her so weak. If you give the power to live to Li Nai and my past self, what about yourself? Idiot, haven’t you considered yourself? “Perhaps it’s because I once borrowed the body of a god that could be reborn from the ashes, or perhaps I’ve always yearned for ‘birth.’ Does that mean I’m still dreaming in my mother’s womb?” No, it’s not a dream, it’s not a dream… I can’t do anything. The protagonist this time isn’t me. It was never me from beginning to end. SFA I was the one taught, and also the one who bore the pain. Light novel. “—Ahhhh—” Tears welled up from my eyes, and I hugged Zi’ai, sobbing uncontrollably. I lost Ruansui, I lost Zihua, and now even Zi’ai… Why did they have to disappear! “Juncheng… Was I able to help you?” “Ah, yes… You saved my life…” Zi’ai slowly closed her eyes. The person in my arms was becoming lighter, disappearing from her feet. My body was also disintegrating… The trick of deceiving the world had been exposed. The lies told to Fate had become invalid. Everything around me would return to a dream. But the past had indeed been changed. Li Nai wouldn’t become a zombie, and I wouldn’t die saving Lianbing. She exchanged her two souls for the lives of my younger self and Zi’ai. At this very last moment, the phone rang abruptly and automatically played Zihua’s final voice message. “Hey, Juncheng, I’m sorry. You must be very sad right now.” “You said you’d give me a choice, but in the end, things still went as we hoped… Because we can’t do without you.” “Besides, this is actually a good thing for Zi’ai and me~” “You’ll lose me and her forever, but we’ll stay in your heart forever.” “This is the ultimate method selfish girls used to possess you~” ” At this moment, we can proudly say we possess all of you, hehe~” …Because I wanted to have it, I didn’t want to lose it. “But only in losing do we learn to cherish. I hope you won’t forget this feeling… As long as you don’t forget, then all of this…” “Thank you for loving us.” “And, please continue to love us in the future.” …More than that. Love alone isn’t enough. I will possess you domineeringly.
Postscript
Volume V, which developed along two storylines, has come to an end. It was quite a long section… and this is after omitting a lot of scenes. Perhaps it was a more complicated and heavier volume. Hahaha, I promised to write a cheerful daily life story, but you were tricked by me again. Ah, some readers might not have understood well… but I won’t explain! If you didn’t understand, please read it a few more times! Just figure out how the protagonist is alive again! This is why I named Volume V ‘Who Knows What I Experienced.’ In the present where the past has been changed, only ghosts know the story of Volume V besides the protagonist. Of course, my dear readers also know… you are all ghosts! Aren’t we all observing this story from a ghostly perspective? Hey, that’s enough fooling around. This book, “Dangerous Woman,” has been written for about 1.5 million characters… Ye Gui can’t say exactly how much longer it will be until it ends, but it’s estimated not to exceed 3 million… around 2.5 million? Well, I can’t set a clear number right now. In short, the next volume is the younger sister’s volume, and the long-awaited younger sister’s volume is finally here… But unfortunately, it might not be the steamy development you’re expecting. It’s probably a heartwarming story of giving sugar… Maybe this time it’s truly real daily life! I can already imagine you saying, “I believe your ghostly words!” This is as unreliable as me saying I’ll add more updates, hahaha… Hmm… Something major happened in my life at the beginning of this year. Ye Gui is still finding it hard to accept, but I have to move on from it… During this time, your support has really helped me to pull myself together. I’m truly grateful… Now, I just hope to finish writing this book well, and I hope to continue writing in the future. Well… I wish I could keep writing… So, everyone, see you in the next postscript. You’re also welcome to join the group chat to talk with me. Ghost is always here.
