Chapter 15: Familiar Sound of a Thousand-Year Cycle, Part 12
“There’s nothing strange about it. Rather, it’s strange that you didn’t notice, since we look exactly alike.”
It wasn’t that I didn’t notice; I deliberately avoided looking directly at her face. Perhaps, subconsciously, I didn’t want to ‘face’ her. Because she was me. We had the same appearance, like looking into a mirror. This was the past life memory the senpai had spoken of. I thought I was awake, but had I already fallen asleep and entered a dream? I had no recollection. Where did the dream begin? Was meeting the senpai also something that happened in a dream? Or, did I not wake up at all this morning, and have been lost in a dream from the very beginning?
No, that’s not right. If that were the case, perhaps it had already been… I lowered my head and covered my face. The scenery I saw through my fingers became infinitely blurred, and I could no longer distinguish between dream and reality.
“Rather than that, you should be concerned about the present situation.” I raised my head and looked at the other me. “Whether it’s a dream or reality, the answer is obvious. Meeting ‘yourself’ like this can only happen in a dream. Besides, don’t you think we should be identifying… which of us, you or me, is the real one?”
Seeing someone who looked exactly like me say such a thing sent chills down my spine, making my blood run cold. Forget any sense of closeness; all I felt was apprehension. Perhaps this was why there was a folk saying that seeing one’s “doppelgänger” meant one’s lifespan was nearing its end. Because upon actually seeing it, anyone would have a similar thought: ‘Will she try to replace me?’
“Hey,” she looked up at me and asked. “Do you know about the Paradox of Theseus’s Ship?” I had heard of it, that famous paradox. It basically went: As the planks of Theseus’s ship rotted over time, they were replaced with new ones until all the original planks were gone. At what point was it no longer the original ship? If the old parts removed from Theseus’s ship were used to build a new ship, then which of the two ships was the true Theseus’s ship?
“What are you trying to say?”
“Nothing, I just thought it was similar to our situation. I am the ‘ship made of old, replaced planks,’ and you are the ‘brand new ship.'”
“There’s no need to use a ship as a metaphor. Everyone experiences this process; cell renewal constantly replaces old cells with new ones.”
“Then, was the past you still you?”
“Undoubtedly, all those past experiences belong to me. Although I might be different from my past self, this situation should be called ‘growth.'”
“Then, was the past life you still you?”
“Just like cell renewal, reincarnation is essentially the metabolism of the soul. It’s just that I secretly retain a part of it each time.” Even so, I couldn’t immediately answer yes because my past self was standing right in front of me. The questions were of the same nature, yet I couldn’t give the same answer—I was hesitating.
“Is it because your past life is standing right in front of you that you can’t answer?” Did she see through my thoughts? Was it because she was me?
“This isn’t exactly rare. People who undergo reincarnation will inevitably face such situations. Even for those who haven’t reincarnated, the phenomenon of one person splitting into two is not uncommon. Many women around him have experienced this situation. After all, those who cling to him are all eccentric, mentally ill women, heh.” She was referring to the senpai, right? Were all the women around him mentally ill? Perhaps the other me was just subtly denigrating them.
I had seen them before at school; they were beautiful girls whose radiance made others pale in comparison. They also came from prominent families, wealthy heiresses, and current fashionable young ladies. It was difficult enough to win over even one of them, yet the senpai managed to subdue them all, even openly establishing a harem. It made one wonder if the senpai had some kind of mind-control ability.
“But do you know what the usual outcome is after such a split?”
“Either they reintegrate, or…” She didn’t finish her sentence, but I already understood what she meant.
“Or one of them disappears, right?” The other me stepped closer, smiled, and poked her index finger into my chest, saying, “So, tell me your answer, Yuhui Bai.”
Soul interrogation. “What do you want to do?” I shook my head and replied. “I don’t know… When the senpai said he wanted to erase my past life memories, I instinctively tried to escape. But I don’t know why I ran. Perhaps because I wanted to recover those past life memories? But… if I accept you, I’ll become someone who isn’t me anymore.”
“Why do you think you’ll stop being yourself?”
“You said you drank Meng Po’s soup.”
“Yes, I drank it every time.”
“And you forgot negative emotions, only retaining love.”
“That’s right, I only retained love.”
“Where did those negative emotions go?” The other me fell silent, but her reaction only confirmed my suspicion. “Where did the negative emotions I forgot go? Did they disappear? No, of course not. They simply transformed into a curse, a potent curse. Right?” The senpai, as well as that new school nurse, said they didn’t know the origin of this strong curse on me. Why?
The other me no longer attempted any futile concealment and nodded in admission. “That’s right. That curse is the ‘residue’ I separated out after drinking Meng Po’s soup.”
“If that’s the case, then your love is artificial, isn’t it!” Eliminating dislike leaves only liking. Eliminating hate leaves only love. If the so-called past life memories were such distorted emotions… I, I would rather I hadn’t experienced them—
The other me walked past me and returned to the bridge. “Do you know? Countless partings and farewells have occurred on this Bridge of Helplessness. There are countless suffering lovers in the world; I am not the most special. Many people have made promises on this bridge, like ‘reconnecting in the next life’ or ‘never parting in life or death,’ but do you know what the result is? Their destinies run out, they mutually forget their past promises, and in the next life, they are like strangers, unable to recognize each other. A lifetime of love and hate, a world of ups and downs, all forgotten with reincarnation.”
“That’s not because you drank Meng Po’s soup…”
“You think it’s because you drank Meng Po’s soup that you forget?” If you don’t drink the soup, you have to wait a thousand years in the River of Oblivion. How many people have jumped in? Perhaps too many to count, which is why the water is this color. Those pale white bones being washed by the River of Oblivion are people who lost themselves. They might also have made vows spanning lifetimes, but they too forgot. “Even if they manage to crawl out, the person they wanted to see already has new destinies, new women, new names… What’s the point?” the other me said as if mocking herself, shaking her head and laughing.
“Then why do you think I wanted to keep jumping into the river?” A thousand years of waiting turned into betrayal and broken promises, yet why persist? This had even surpassed stubbornness; it was madness. Anyone, no matter how foolish or devoted, would have died of heartbreak after experiencing such things. Finally, out of heartbreak, she drank Meng Po’s soup. She stopped on the bridge, turned, and a smile spread across her face, so bright it could dispel the sky. That smile held only one meaning: happiness.
“Because when he crossed this bridge, he called my name.” The answer was that simple.
“Just because of this?”
“Just because of this.” To be willing to reincarnate just because he called her name… How ridiculous. It’s not like a pet dog that happily bounces along when its master beckons. He called her name, so she followed him in reincarnation? It was so ridiculous, I couldn’t even laugh. I felt pity. So, I was once such a cheap, shameless woman. Like those mistresses who cling to married men, a life of no value.
“You still care about titles? Heh, how cute. In my past life, I was also his wife, and also his younger sister.”
“That’s irrelevant.” The other me paused, knowing my current feelings, but immediately asked, “Do you know why Meng Gu specially brewed a soup for me that could only make me forget half of my memories?”
“Isn’t it because she pitied me?” SF Light Novel
“Pity? There are so many pitiful people in the world, why pity me specifically? Because she was afraid I would do something more extreme. Do you think those curses, those forgotten negative emotions, are all hatred towards him?”
“Aren’t they?”
“No, not at all. The target of the curse was never him. The curse was on myself. I hated my limited lifespan and couldn’t always be with him. I wanted to be by his side in every life, and I hated that this world always made us experience separation through death. Every time I left his side, it was worse than death: sorrow, pain, agonizing pain. The deeper the love, the more painful the wound, a heart-wrenching pain. What is this called? Yandere? Codependency? Perhaps I am that kind of person, yes, and you are too.”
Me? Me too? Yandere? The kind of person who says, ‘I love you, only you,’ that kind of perverted personality? “When you see other women surrounding him, what’s the first emotion that arises? Disdain? Jealousy? Neither. It’s ‘envy,’ right!”
“Admit it, Yuhui Bai! You envy them!”
“No!”
I shook my head. “I understand. That deeply rooted emotion cannot be completely removed even through reincarnation. In the past, I was always envious of those who could accompany him… That time, when I saw the senpai at the school gate, I couldn’t help but think: ‘I wish it were me standing there.’ Such a base, dog-like thought.”
“Heh, Yuhui Bai, there’s only one thing you need to admit: both you and I are perverts. Our love belongs only to one person.”
“Ah—Ahhhh!” I clutched my head and squatted down, feeling so ashamed I wanted to die. So, I was this kind of pervert even in my past life? Clinging to one man, willing to follow him even in death, this… I didn’t know if it was an illusion, but it felt like everything around me was shaking with my wavering emotions. The other me looked up at the cracked sky and said, “Time is almost up. ‘He outside’ is getting impatient.”
“What’s going on?!”
“‘You’ should wake up.”
“Huh?” She looked at me again and said with a smile, “You are very lucky. The reincarnation will not continue. He has achieved eternal life, and you no longer need Meng Po’s soup to forget ‘reluctance.’ Yuhui…”
“Whether you accept your past life memories doesn’t matter. Whether you continue to accompany him is also up to you. I won’t force you. You can live however you want.” The dream began to collapse, and the Bridge of Helplessness cracked in the middle, separating me and her.
“His name this life is quite good, Juncheng An. Juncheng. Treat me sincerely, and I will never betray you. My feelings for him were never ignored, nor were they…”
“Yuhui!”
“Your name this life is also good…”
“Yuhui!!!”
I heard him. I heard him! “See? He’s calling you.” Is that so? Is that it? Hearing him call my name like this… this is the feeling. My soul trembles, leaping with joy, excitement, and love. That’s why I always willingly followed him… Even if I had to go through ten reincarnations, or a hundred. I stretched out my hand desperately towards her, towards the other me. “Quick! Come here! Take my hand!” She opened her eyes in surprise and asked, “Are you going to ‘accept’ me?”
“What are you talking about! You are me!” She smiled, then jumped towards me, and I leaped towards the broken bridge as well. At the moment the dream shattered, I grabbed her hand. We were of one heart. Inseparable.
At this beginning of the long, solitary journey. O lost wanderer. Can you recall? Several meetings, and several partings. Ten lifetimes of reincarnation, drinking the waters of Oblivion. Unwavering, unregretting, following each other in life and death.
Eyes. “Yuhui! Yuhui! Are you alright!” The rain had stopped. He was beside me. “Juncheng…” “Thank goodness, thank goodness… You’re finally awake. I thought you’d never wake up again… Wait, Yuhui, what did you just call me?”
“Juncheng.”
“Yuhui… you’re back.”
I treat Master with sincerity, and Master will not betray me.
