“That’s right. If I’m going to work, I want to work with someone I can trust from the bottom of my heart.”
“Forgive me. I don’t know what the future holds yet…”
“I’m not saying you have to hire me. Just remember this. I will definitely repay your kindness. After all, you’ve done so much for me, haven’t you, brother?”
“Alright, alright, do as you please!”
Jared knew that just as he felt indebted to Luzer, Luzer felt the same way about him, so he couldn’t stop him.
There was no point in dwelling on the uncertain future, so he told him to do as he pleased.
“I will. For now, I’ll be staying with the Mage Association.”
“So, you’ll be pursuing a path as a Magician after all?”
“I wonder. I did stop by the Mage Association the other day. Thanks to Jared and the Ducal Family interceding for me, I won’t be punished for the time I was under that man’s control. But I want to take responsibility for what I’ve done.”
He couldn’t bring himself to say that it was nothing to worry about.
Jared had also taken lives, albeit involuntarily. Even if he had to kill or be killed, it was nothing to be proud of. Still, he could only fight as a Magician.
He understood that Luzer, who had been used as a tool for combat without his consent, was also suffering from guilt over taking lives.
“It sounds good to say that the Lightning Element is rare, but all my skills are for killing. I have mixed feelings: I don’t want to use what the Rebels of Waalthe forced me to learn, but I also want to use this power to atone.”
“But—you’re going to fight, aren’t you?”
“Yes—I will fight.”
Luzer continued, his eyes burning with a fiery resolve.
“I have a family I must protect. Even if I complain, I have to move forward. I want to be the one who saves others with this magic from now on—like you.”
“Like me, huh? I’m not the kind of person you should aspire to be like.”
“You always say that. Stop underestimating yourself.”
“But—I…”
He couldn’t finish his sentence.
His mind flashed to Barnabas Kaif. He was consumed by revenge, and the only way to stop him was to kill him. If he didn’t act, he would have been killed. There was no other choice, even to protect his friends. He told himself he was doing the right thing, that he hadn’t made a mistake.
—But then he met Ernesta Kaif and learned of her sorrow.
He didn’t wish he were dead, but he realized that the decisions he had made with conviction were causing suffering to others.
Before he knew it, Jared was pouring out his heart. He had spoken to his Fiancé, Olivier, as well, but perhaps he hoped that Luzer, who suffered in similar circumstances, would offer different words of comfort.
“I see, you’re suffering too.”
“I want to be like Ernesta. She told me she no longer resents me. She said she’s moving forward. But the guilt in my heart hasn’t disappeared. Even though I’ve decided to move forward, my feet are still stuck.”
He found himself clutching his head with both arms.
Luzer powerfully slapped Jared on the back.
Impact and pain shot through his back, and tears welled up. Before he could look up and ask what he was doing—
“Stop moping! You haven’t done anything wrong. Of course, you’d be down if you met the families of those you killed. You’d feel guilty. I myself am struggling with the guilt of what I’ve done. But you have to carry that feeling with you. Even if it’s painful, even if it’s hard—it’s all proof that you’ve lived.”
Tears spilled down.
“Even though I was manipulated, I won’t forget the sins I’ve committed. It’s painful, and I hate it, but I’ll never forget. I will overcome it, even if it takes time, even if I cry. —You can overcome it too.”
He had always thought crying was for the weak.
He felt like crying would be a defeat.
But today—with his Older Brother’s stern yet gentle encouragement, Jared shed tears from the bottom of his heart.
As he sobbed, he made a vow.
He would become a man that Barnabas and Ernesta could be proud of.
“I’ll do my best. I’ll work hard and move forward.”
“Let’s work hard together. We can do it. Until the guilt disappears, no, even after it disappears, let’s save many people.”
With his brother watching over him, Jared continued to weep in gratitude.
